Priceless

~~~

“Geez, hurry up!”

I rolled my eyes as I ran down the stairs for my newfound friend’s benefit—who was none other than Serena Hastings. She and I had quickly developed closeness right after that scene at her house where I poured out everything to her, and she didn’t say anything to contradict me, she just comforted me and told me to go on and just cy it out. Since Erin and I still weren’t talking to her, it was Serena I turned to.

Erin and I hadn’t talked since I walked out on her—which was exactly two days ago. Nor had I talked to anybody else but Serena. They did send me texts, they being each of my friends except Stephen and Erin, asking me what happened, but I chose not to reply. Not after I fix some things.

And fixing things was today’s agenda.

“God, do you take slow pills? Jesus.”

It was easy to get used to Serena’s quirk remarks, it was just the way she was. I’ve learned that she doesn’t necessarily mean everything she says, though. It was just part of her nature.

“Quit bitching,” I said as we got out of the house and into her car.

“I’ll take that as a ‘thank you for offering to drive me today’,” she snapped and I just smiled and shook my head.

Once she started driving, I suddenly became so nervous. Today was the day I finally gathered the guts to tell Alex everything, and I didn’t know how it was gonna go, how it was gonna end—was he gonna yell at me? How would he take it? Would he go ballistic?

I wasn’t ready for his reaction, but nonetheless I was ready to suck it all up and just take it. It was my fault anyway. If he was gonna blame me, well, I knew I deserved it.

“So, did you like rehearse a speech or are you just gonna let your heart speak later?” Serena asked.

“I have no idea what to say,” I confessed.

“Bet you’re gonna have a breakdown in front of Alex.”

“I’ll try to hold it in until he’s nowhere in sight.”

The ride was fast. I wasn’t sure if it was because Serena was a speedy driver, or my nerves were just getting the best of me. It was probably both.

“We’re here,” Serena announced. I didn’t respond because the moment I saw Alex’ car, everything just became irrelevant, suddenly all I could think of was how nervous I was.

I gathered up the courage to finally unbuckle myself, and slowly made my way out of the car.

“Bailey,” Serena called. I could barely hear her over the sound of my heart thumping fast, but nevertheless, I looked back. Her face was drawn with concern. “Good luck.”

I needed that.

I gave her a thankful smile and then I started walking to Alex’ car. I got into the passenger’s seat and the smile on his face which was directed to me just made me feel even more horrible.

It wasn’t long until it disappeared though, and was replaced with a look of worry.

“Something’s wrong...” Alex said, stating the obvious.

I breathed deeply. Yes, something was wrong. It was me.

“Bailey?” he asked.

I looked him directly in the eye. I had no idea how to start. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings but it was time for him to know the truth. I could never love him. I did not love him. If I don’t tell him now I will just repeat it all over again, and he didn’t deserve it, he deserved someone much better, he deserved something different from what I was secretly doing to him.

For at least a minute, there was silence. I could hear nothing but my heart beating. I opened my mouth and closed it, and then opened it again.

“I’m in-love with someone else.”

I watched as his eyes widen a little, and so did his mouth. He didn’t say anything, though. I watched as he swallowed hard, and I mimicked him, and decided to continue.

“I...I’ve been kind of cheating on you, Alex. I’m sorry. It’s all my fault. I thought I could fall in-love with you but I was wrong. I know what I did was wrong, Alex, but believe me I cannot feel any more guilty about it. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Slowly, he turned to face the dashboard. I bowed my head and touched my hands together and waited for his yell, his reaction, his anything. I bit my lip, feeling the tears of guilt coming.

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” he finally spoke, sounding hurt. Even his voice tore me apart.

I swallowed hard once again before I answered. “I could have. But I didn’t have the guts. I was scared and confused and I didn’t want to disappoint my parents...I didn’t...I mean...I was being selfish, I know...I wanted to stop myself but I couldn’t...I’m so sorry.”

Once again there was silence. Each second just made me feel worse. Each second with Alex made me feel more horrible what I’ve done. But this was the price I had to pay for what I’ve done.

I bit my lip once again, holding back the tears. “I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you for being honest,” he said. His voice was that of hurt but I didn’t know if he actually meant what he’d said, or if he was just being sarcastic. I opened my mouth to say something, but he wasn’t done yet. He looked at me—and the guilt just grew when I saw his face. “I mean it. Thanks for being honest. At least you told me now and at least you’re really guilty about it.”

“Are you...are you not gonna yell at me? Because if you are, I assure you, I’m willing to absorb your anger,” I said sincerely. I meant it.

He laughed a little. “I’m not gonna yell at you, Bailey. Yes, I’m hurt, but you’re a really nice girl. You messed this one up, but you don’t deserve to be yelled at by some guy.”

It made me feel worse—how he could say nice things about me after what I’d done to him. “You’re not just some guy, Alex. You’re wonderful and amazing and any girl would be so lucky to have you. I know, because I felt it. My heart just wasn’t in it and I’m sorry for that. I’m a horrible person,” I said, and that was when a tear finally rolled down my cheek.

“You’re not horrible, Bailey,” he said and slightly touched my arm and squeezed it. “These things happen. You just can’t fight love off.”

I bit my lip and let the tears continuously fall. “I’m really sorry, Alex,” I said in between tears and then let him hug me.

“I’d be lying if I said it’s okay,” he said with a short laugh, “but please don’t think of it much anymore. Just be happy with the one you love. That’s gonna be the consolation for me.”

For a few more moments we hugged until he finally let go. He wiped my cheeks softly and then gave me a slight smile.

“I wish you the best, Bailey,” he said. Coming from him, it sounded sincere.

“I wish you the best as well. I’m so sorry,” I said again but this time I was feeling better, I finally got that off my chest.

I said my goodbye to him and then I got off his car, and walked back to Serena’s car. The moment I got in, she started talking.

“So how loud was his yell?” she asked.

“He took it better than I expected. God, he is so nice. I’ve done such a terrible thing cheating on him,” I said, meaning it.

She shrugged. “At least you finally told him.” She started driving and I kept quiet, feeling really relieved deep inside. I smiled slightly thankful that I finally gathered the courage to tell him that. One down, two to go. But maybe I would apologize to Erin and Stephen some other time, for now I just wanted to do something else.

But apparently, Serena wasn’t thinking the same thing.

“What are you doing? Why are you parking in front of the Nickelsens’?” I asked, ultimately surprised. This was in no way part of today’s plans because today’s plans only consisted of me confessing to Alex.

She shrugged for the second time that day. “She’s your best friend, Bails. If it’s hard for you, it’s also hard for her. You’ve been friends for long and I’m sure that two days of you guys fighting kills her deep inside.”

“I don’t know what to say to her, I fucked up, and I’m pretty sure she won’t like it that I went to her house with you,” I said.

Serena smirked. “Yeah, whatever, just give it a try,” she urged.

I had a feeling if I didn’t oblige to what she wanted, she was gonna push me off her car. So I just glared at her and let myself out.

I walked up to the Nickelsens’ front door, my hands inside my jeans’ pockets. I’ve done this so many times before, but today it was different because I dreaded the outcome. I wasn’t sure if Erin could forgive me this easily.

I sighed deeply, and then rang the doorbell. I did it twice and then waited until finally, the door opened.

It was Erin who opened the door, and when she saw me, she didn’t move. I disregarded my pride as I looked into her eyes—and then I felt the tears coming.

“I’m sorry,” we said simultaneously and then attacked each other with a hug. We just kept saying sorry but I felt comforted, I finally had my best friend back and that was the only thing that mattered at the moment.

~~~