Me and My Boys

“Camille? Camille, I know you’re home. Please open the door,” I said, knocking on her front door hopelessly. I had returned from my hellish road trip, which included wins in Anaheim, Detroit, Chicago, and San Jose. We lost in Columbus, but I wasn’t extremely upset about it. The whole trip I had tried to get in touch with Camille, but to no avail. I knew she was ignoring me, and I had a feeling that I had pushed the relationship too far by telling her that I missed her. I knew she was afraid for her kids, and despite the promises I had made to her, I knew that she would always react with her maternal instincts first. Suddenly, the door flew open, and a haggard looking Camille stood before me.

“Hey,” she said quietly.

“Can I come in?” I asked, and she paused before nodding slowly.

“Where are the boys?” I asked, noticing that the house was eerily silent.

“They’re at their friend’s house for the night,” she said, walking over to the kitchen table and sipping water out of a glass.

“Oh…” was all I managed to say. Her entire body looked stiff, like she was holding something back, and my own sweaty palms made me realize that I wasn’t exactly comfortable with the situation either.

“Zach…I don’t know if I can do this,” Camille said, finally breaking the silence. The words that broke the silence hit me like a Mack truck.

“W-what did I do?” I croaked, and Camille sighed heavily.

“Nothing…nothing yet anyway,” she said quietly.

“What do you mean?” I asked, a little bit of anger flaring up. Nothing yet? What the hell is that supposed to mean?

“Zach, as much as I want to be with you…I can’t do it. I just…if something were to happen between us, the boys would be devastated. They’re getting attached, and I need to nip it in the bud before things get out of control,” she explained, and the anger in my chest grew.

“So you think that hurting them now will spare them?” I asked. Camille looked at me, her eyes wide in surprise.

“What is that supposed to mean?” she asked, getting defensive.

“You said it yourself; they’re getting attached. Severing ties at any point is going to hurt them now, not to mention it’ll hurt me. And…if you want to be with me, won’t it hurt you too?” I asked, anger seeping into my voice at an almost uncontrollable rate.

“I can’t think about anybody but them! Not even myself!” she said harshly, and I looked at her incredulously.

“How can you not think of yourself if you want to take care of the boys? Do you think kids like seeing their parents unhappy? Do you think that it makes them feel good? Do you think it makes their lives seem whole? Trust me, I saw a lot of times when my parents were unhappy…not a good time Camille. Why do you think hurting all of us is going to save us in the long run?” I asked, having to fight the urge to scream.

“Stop acting like they’re your kids!” Camille growled.

“I care about them!” I said, my voice creeping ever closer to a scream.

“So do I!” she cried.

“Well then why are you doing this?!” I yelled. There was a hurt growing in my chest, and I didn’t want to fight with Camille, but I was doing it anyway. Her eyes were full of confusion and rage, and we both stared at each other, our shoulders squared, neither of us backing down.

“BECAUSE I HAVE TO!” she screamed, her voice cracking as she hit an impossibly high octave.

“NO YOU DON’T! WHAT PART OF ‘I’M NOT GOING TO HURT YOU’ DID YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?!” I roared back, shaking with anger. We weren’t strangers, not anymore, and the fact that she didn’t trust me tore at my insides. My stomach twisted into knots, my heart sank in my chest, and my head swam. Camille’s eyes fill with tears, and she looks away from me in shame.

“I’m not afraid of you hurting me,” she whispers, and I am shell-shocked from the sudden switch of demeanors.

“What are you talking about?” I ask, putting my hands on her shoulders as she turns away from me completely.

“I’m scared Zach…I’ve never been in a loving relationship…I don’t know what to do…what if I hurt you? You don’t deserve that,” she explains, and my heart aches.

“You won’t hurt me Camille,” I say, pulling her into a tight hug. I feel her body shake with a silent sob, and I turn her around slowly so that she’s facing me. I begin to kiss the tears off of her cheeks, and then I capture her lips in mine. I wipe the tears off of her face with the pads of my thumbs, and she whimpers as she kisses me back. Her body goes slightly limp, and I wrap an arm around her waist to support her. The kiss is warm and caring at first, but then she runs her tongue along my bottom lip and I open my mouth to her, our tongues crashing as soon as they can. My other hand winds through her thick hair, and I hold her more tightly against my body as I search her mouth with my tongue. We break apart, and the tears that had filled her eyes have been replaced with lust. The feeling hits me like a sucker punch to the gut, and I immediately begin to kiss her again. I allow my lips to wander off of hers, and I kiss down her jaw before reaching her neck. She moans quietly as my lips brush against the soft skin where her jaw meets her neck, right below her ear. I kiss her more firmly there, and she squirms in my arms. I grin against her skin and then nip at it gently with my teeth. She breathes heavily, and the sound of her becoming turned on makes me extremely hard. As I nip and suck at her neck, her fingers wind into the waistband of my jeans, tugging my hips into her. I start to travel down her neck, and as I bite down on the soft flesh at the crook of her neck, she lets out an even louder moan. Suddenly my jeans feel uncomfortably tight, and Camille leads me towards the steps by my pants.

“Camille what are you…” I begin to ask, but she simply attaches her lips to mine and ravages them. As she breaks away, we’re already halfway up the steps and I know my lips are swollen. She grins at me devilishly, and I swallow roughly. She’s dominant… I think, and the thought simply turns me on even more. My ex was so passive that it was borderline boring to do anything romantic with her, but then again, she was only in on it for the fame. I kiss her once more, and by the time we stumble into her bedroom, I can hardly wait to rip her clothes off. I pay no attention to the décor of her room, which would have been interesting to see had the situation been different. She shoves me onto the bed and straddles my hips, kissing me as her fingers wrap tightly around my shoulders. I kiss her back, our tongues colliding once more, and my hands wander down to her hips. From her hips, my hands run up her legs on the outside, and then back down towards her hips on the inside. When my hands reach her inner thighs, her grip on my shoulders tightens. I cup her with my hand, and she grinds into my palm, kissing me even more roughly as she does so.

“Zach…” she gasps.

“Yeah?” I croak.

“I want you,” she says, and I grin before grabbing her by the shoulders and rolling over so that she’s beneath me. Suddenly, her eyes fill with fear and I freeze.

“What?” I ask, taking a step back. She takes a shuddering breath, and swallows roughly.

“I just…I have…I don’t…” she fumbles for words.

“I think I get it,” I say quietly, my mind going back to the day when she told me about how she had gotten pregnant. I approach her once more, and kiss her softly.

“I still want to do this,” she whispers, and I nod.

“Well then, we will…just…if you get scared, or change your mind, just tell me and we’ll stop,” I say quietly, and then I attack her lips once more. She immediately kisses me back, her hands winding through my hair, and I tug her shirt up over her midriff. We break away just long enough for me to get her tee-shirt off, and I gaze at her longingly as I take in the sight of her beautiful, topless body laying before me. Her breasts are cupped in a lacy, crimson bra that makes her already gorgeous skin seem to glow with a surreal beauty. She tugs at my shirt, and I immediately pull it up over my head. I shudder as her hands run up my abs and rest against my shoulders. She tilts her hips upward and grinds against me, and I groan. I bend down and kiss her collarbone, and trace my lips down her silky skin until they brush against the material of her bra. I reach behind her and unhook the bra quickly before taking her nipple in my mouth. She gasps and her grip on my shoulders tightens again as I roll and tease one nipple with my fingers, and the other with my tongue and teeth. I then abandon her breasts and begin to leave a trail of butterfly kisses down her smooth stomach. I stop right above her jeans, and look up at her. Nervousness is mixed with lust, and I take a deep breath and remind myself that I have to do this right, or else I could scar her permanently. I slowly unbutton her jeans, and gently peel them away from her skin. She swallows roughly as I do so, and I look her right in the eyes.

“Are you sure you want to do this? You can change your mind,” I whisper.

“Zach…I don’t want to be afraid anymore…help me…help me get over my fear,” she whispers, and that’s all I need. I run my finger against her, her silky panties the only barrier between my skin and her folds, and my dick twitches once more as I realize she is soaking wet. She sits up and undoes my belt buckle before tugging at my jeans. I pull them off in one quick motion, and then slide her up the bed so that I’m above her, supporting myself on my arms and knees as I look down at her. Her fingers run down my chest, down my abdomen, and then she slips one hand into my boxers. My eyes slam shut as her fingers curl around my penis, and I groan as she runs her hand up and down slowly.

“Camille…”I croak, afraid that she’ll make me come.

“Sorry,” she whispers, and I smile at her before kissing her.

“It’s okay…I just don’t want the fun to be over quite yet,” I smirk, and she grins wickedly. My hand makes its way down to her panties, and I tug them off. She’s completely naked, and the thought both turns me on even more, and scares me a little bit. In my gut, I know that I’m the first, and if I mess this up, only guy to ever have sex with her. I brush my fingers against her damp folds, and she tilts her hips up so that my finger brushes against her clit. She sucks in a breath as I rub against her sensitive nub once more, and I smirk. I slip one finger inside of her, and she stiffens under me.

“Camille?” I ask, and she nods, her eyes squeezed shut.

“I don’t want to do this if you’re scared,” I say, not moving.

“Please Zach,” she whispers, and I slip another finger inside of her. I rub her clit with my thumb, and she tightens around my fingers. I continue to tease her until her body tightens up and she’s rocking into an orgasm. She gasps, and I pull my fingers out of her.

“Oh my God,” she groans, and I simply kiss her. Her hands peel away my boxers quickly, and she seizes my penis almost forcefully.

“Do you have…” I start to ask.

“Nightstand,” she says quietly, and I scamper off of the bed and yank open the drawer of the nightstand. I pull a condom out of the box in the drawer, and check the expiration date. It’s good, so I rip open the foil package, and roll the condom on. I feel a wave of relief as I make sure it’s the right size, and then I take my place above Camille once more. She looks up at me, fear mingling with lust once more, and I freeze.

“Don’t make me beg,” is all she says, and I take a deep breath before brushing against her folds. She licks her lips, and I press ever so lightly into her. It’s not even enough to penetrate her, but I know she’s afraid, so I want to go as slowly as possible. I sink into her little by little, withdrawing every little bit so that she can adjust to my size. She’s incredibly tight, and I’m afraid I won’t fit as I sink further and further into her. Her face twitches slightly as I press into her, and I know it’s because I’m well endowed. As the uncomfortable expression on her face subsides, I finally sink all the way into her, and we both let out a sigh of relief. I pull out slowly, and sink back into her slowly once again. With each thrust I pick up the speed just a little bit, and in a way, it’s the most intense sex I’ve ever had, and it’s not even rough. She groans each time I sink completely inside of her, hitting her spot with each thrust. Soon enough we’re rocking at a pretty good pace, and she’s moaning as each thrust brings her closer and closer to the edge. I’m close too, and it takes all of my concentration to keep myself from coming as her fingernails dig into my hips. Suddenly, we’re both about ready to go, and she lunges forward, digging her teeth into my shoulder. The pain and sexuality of the move makes me slam into her hard, and I groan heavily as we both come. Her walls crush against me, and I collapse against her, unable to support myself as I shake from my orgasm.

“Holy shit,” I whisper, kissing her cheek.

“You could say that again,” she whispers, and I smile into her hair. We lay like that for a little while, but then I get up to clean myself up. Once I return to the bed, she’s curled up under the sheets and her eyes are smiling. I slip into the bed and wrap my arms around her. I kiss her gently, and she plays with the hair on the back of my neck.

“Zach…thank you,” she whispers.

“Don’t thank me,” I smile.

“You made me feel loved instead of abused Zach…and that’s more than I could ever ask for.” she says, kissing my lips softly.

As we lay there, just smiling at each other and staring into each others’ eyes I realize that while she isn’t the first woman I’ve had sex with, she’s the first woman I’ve made love to.