Uncharted Territory

Grace

Three weeks. That was how long I had until I became Mrs. John O’Callaghan the Fifth. Three weeks until my life changed forever and I wasn’t even close to being ready. Sure, the dress was ready, the invitations had been sent out weeks ago, and everything else was planned down to every last detail but emotionally I was a wreck. Ever since Kennedy’s confession of his love for me – which had been a week ago – I couldn’t sleep and I was barely eating. Everyone was starting to notice; my mom made comments about the bags under my eyes and that if I lost any more weight my wedding dress was going to be too big. No one knew the real reason why I was upset though. They all just brushed it off as pre-wedding stress.

I could have tried to talk to John but he’d been MIA this past week. I’d barely talked to him and when I did he’d been in a terrible mood. Jared said he was upset about Reagan leaving and in the back of my mind I knew it wasn’t normal for him to be this upset about her leaving but I had other things on my mind.

I glanced at the clock and noticed that it was 3:00 pm and I nearly started to hyperventilate. Our ceremony was set to begin at 3 so my wedding was exactly three weeks away.

I quickly typed out a text and sent it to the two people I needed to talk to most.

Not even 10 minutes later I heard the door open and I knew both of them had driven over the speed limit to get here in such a short amount of time.

“Grace, what’s wrong?” Ashley asked she came bursting into my room.

“We both go your SOS text,” Tessa said, coming in right behind Ashley.

“Guys, I don’t want to get married,” I said as I burst out in tears.

“Gracie, don’t worry. Every bride gets cold feet,” Ashley tried to console me.

“We know it’s a lot of stress but it will all be worth it in the end,” Tessa said as she rubbed my back.

I shook my head because they didn’t understand. “No, guys…I don’t want to get married because I’m no longer in love with John.”

This immediately shut both of them up.

“Wh..what?” Tessa was the first to break the silence.

“I love John. I mean, he was my first love but I’m no longer in love with him.”

“Then why did you say yes to his proposal?” Ashley asked.

I shrugged. “I felt stuck – as if that was what was expected of me. Plus I didn’t want to hurt John again. I hurt him so badly when I married Evan that I didn’t want to hurt him again.”

“When did you realize you didn’t want to marry John?” Tessa questioned.

“I think I’ve known all along but I didn’t admit it to myself until last week. Being with John has always been easy and what I’m used to but then I was talking to Kennedy and made me see that I was only marrying John because I feel obligated,” I took a deep breath before going any further. “Then he confessed that he loved me and there’s always been a part of me that’s attracted to Kennedy and I’m not saying that I want to end my engagement so I can date Kennedy but I…I mean…I just…I just don’t know. Honestly, all I know is that I can’t go through with this wedding.”

Both Ashley and Tessa gave me knowing looks but it was Tessa who spoke up. “Sweetie, I think you know what you have to do. And you better do it now before you talk yourself out of it.”

“I know. I’m just so scared,” I whispered.

“It’s going to be tough but it’s what’s best for you and John,” Ashley said.

“You both are with the wrong people but are too scared to admit it,” Tessa agreed.

I was going to ask Tessa what she meant but I was too focused on gather my staff and heading to John’s house. I knew Tessa was right; if I didn’t go talk to him now I would lose my nerve and never would.

I got into my car and drove to John’s house with my hands shaking the entire way. When I got there I had to sit in his driveway for a few minutes to compose myself. I finally gathered up my nerve and knocked on John’s door.

“Oh hey Grace,” John said with a bit of a surprised look on his face. “Come on in.”

“Thanks J,” I managed to get out but it wasn’t very easy. It felt as if my throat had completely closed.

“So what’s up? I mean, I don’t mind that you’re here. I just wasn’t expecting you.”

“I just…uhh…I just needed to talk to you about something.”

“Ok.”

“Umm…well..umm…I’m kind of thirsty. Can I get a glass of water?” I asked as I momentarily chickened out.

“Sure,” John smiled at me as we walked into the kitchen.

John grabbed a glass and filled it with water before handing it to me which I graciously accepted.

“Have you heard from Reagan at all?” John asked as I drank.

“Just a few times. She made it out East safely and is just trying to get her apartment and everything ready.”

“Oh, cool. I’m glad,” John said.

We stood in silence for a few moments and I realized how awkward our silences had become. This was the breaking point and I knew I had to say something.

“John, what are we doing?” I finally said.

“Umm…we’re standing in the kitchen,” John said as he gave me a weird look.

“No, I don’t mean now. I mean our relationship. We’re just no good together anymore. I think we need to call of the wedding,” I said as the tears began.

“What?” John asked in surprise but he didn’t seem that hurt by my words.

“John, I love you but I’m not in love with you. I know this sounds terrible but I only said yes to your proposal because I’m comfortable with you and I don’t want to hurt you. I think we’d both be happier though with other people.”

“You’re right,” John softly said. “We’ve been trying to live in the past but it’s just not working anymore.”

“I’m so glad you feel the same way,” I sighed.

John hugged me and I could see some tears in his eyes too. “You’ll always be my first love Grace and I’ll never regret any of our time together.”

“I’m sorry things happened the way they did,” I softly said.

“Don’t be. Sure, I was angry at you for a while but everything that happened was supposed to.”

John and I spent the rest of the afternoon reminiscing and talking about how we were going to break the news to everyone. We knew our families would be disappointed but would eventually understand that this was for the best. I was glad that ending the engagement was fairly easy and painless. Sure it hurt, but he could have yelled at me or hated me for years again like he did when I married Evan. I knew there was a lot more of this mess to fix though and I was worried some of it would be difficult – especially fixing things with Kennedy.