Oh Yeah...It's Hot

It’s funny how stuff changes in your life when you have a death in the family. Especially when that person is your father. Stuff changes for the future; he won’t be able to walk me down the aisle, he won’t be able to meet his grandchildren if I have any kids, there is so much that I won’t be able to experience with him. Everyday seems to get some what easier for me but it’s still hard knowing that I will never see him again, never hear his voice, or never feel his arms around me when I come running to him with tears in my eyes. The only thing that makes me feel better is the thought that his spirit is with me and that when I look in a mirror I see him within me. After all I am my father’s daughter. I get better and better as the days pass even though I will never be one-hundred percent better but I will be some what better. I even stood strong at the showing in LA. Everyone helped Billy and I get everything for the showing ready. Billy and I picked out the coffin, the girls put an announcement in the newspaper with information about him, and the guys helped contact friends and family. There were a lot of people that showed up at the LA showing. I only cried a few times and it was when people were giving speeches about him. It was nice to know that he was loved by other people. Everyone that showed up to the showing had pitched in some money to help get him moved to La Push since we didn’t have enough. The second showings aren’t supposed to be as hard as the first but it feels the same, like a replay of a dream I had but in a different place. Even though I get better and I am able to carry myself with pride that I was his daughter, it’s still hard. Every now and then a few tears spill over. Like now for example; I am supposed to be getting ready for the showing but instead I am sitting on the floor in my underwear crying while holding a picture of the two of us together on Christmas three years ago. When I stay in my room for more than an hour everyone checks on me to make sure I am still breathing. Like right now is one of those moments. ‘KNOCK KNOCK’

“Come in.” I said wiping my tears. The door opened and Paul walked in closing the door behind him. He saw me sitting on the floor and walked over to me slowly.

“Why haven’t you gotten dressed honey?” he asked sitting on my bed next to me.

“Sorry, it’s still kind of hard.” I said putting the picture back in the box and sliding it under my bed. He grabbed my hands and pulled me up to stand in front of him.

“Well losing a parent isn’t supposed to be easy babe. We’re here for you when ever you need someone to talk to.” He said.

“Thank you.” I said planting a kiss on his forehead. “I better get dressed.” I said walking over to my dress that was hanging on the back of my closet door.

“People are starting to arrive. Come out when you are ready.” He said walking to the door.

‘Ok.” I said. I stuck my legs through the dress and pulled it up and zipped the side. Leah had helped me with my hair this morning so that was done, all I had to do was put my jewelry and shoes on.

When I finished getting ready I walked out of my room and into the living room. Everyone from school was there paying their respects. Even people from town were here along with more of our family. While I was making my rounds I noticed that there were some people I never expected to be here. I made my way up to them but stepped back. My nose started to burn like someone had poured bleach out right in front of me. “What are YOU doing here?” I asked.

“We came to pay our respects. Jake invited us.” Bella said. I just looked at her as if she were crazy. “We’re sorry about your father.” She said. I looked at her then at everyone that was with here.

“Hi Dr. Cullen.” I said nodding in his direction.

“Please call me Carlisle. Please accept our deepest condolences. It is always hard losing a loved one.” He said.

“Thank you. Who are you all?” I asked folding my hands together.

“Oh this is Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie. You already know Esme.” He said

“Yes. Hello again.” I said smiling at Esme. “It’s nice to meet you all.” I said to the others. I looked at Bella and I couldn’t help but feel guilty. She and Jake are best friends after all and he did imprint on Renesmee. I guess I am just going to have to accept the fact that she would be hanging around in the area. “Bella, I just wanna apologize for the way I acted when we first met. If I could take it back I would. It’s just that Jake is like my little brother even though he is taller than me, but I just can’t help but wanna make sure he don’t get hurt by anything or anyone. I hope that you can…accept my apology.” I said looking at her. She looked at Edward who nodded his head.

“Apology accepted. If you would like we could do a start over.” She said.

“Ok. Hi, I’m Destiny Ray Black.” I said smiling and sticking my hand out for her to shake.

“I’m Isabella Marie Cullen. This is my husband Edward and our daughter Renesmee.” She said shaking my hand.

“Nice to meet you.” I said shaking Edward’s hand.

“Like wise.” He said. “Alice you know you are going to ask her anyways so you might as well.”

“Ask me what?” I asked.

“I love your dress and shoes…where on earth did you get them?” the pixie one Alice asked me.

“Oh um…Milan I think. My dad’s ex-girlfriend was a shop-o-holic and she would go on foreign shopping sprees and she would by me stuff.” I said explaining.

“Oh, they are so cute though.” She said.

“You should see the rest of my clothes.” I said.

“Really?’ she asked.

“Yeah. You can come over sometime and I can do a “Fashion Show” for you.” I said using my fingers as quotations. She smiled and clapped her hands. “Well I really should finish my rounds. See you all later.” I said walking away. While I was walking around I saw that there were several cups sitting around that were empty, plates with uneaten food on them. You would think that at a funeral people would be respectful and clean up after them selves. I started grabbing cups and plates then throwing them away. When I picked up the trash I noticed the meat platter was low so I went to reload it. I know that being the hostess and the victim that I wasn’t supposed to be doing anything except accepting people’s condolences. I just had to keep my mind off of everything. When everything I could possibly do was done I went into the living room where the casket was. I saw that everyone stopped talking when I walked into the room. It was so quiet that I could hear a pin drop. Paul made his way over to me and I grabbed his hand. This would be the first time that I see my dad since he passed in the hospital. We made our way over to the casket and I inhaled a deep breath and closed my eyes. Once I opened my eyes my breath caught in my throat as I looked at my dad. He looked like he was sleeping except with pale skin, blue lips, not breathing or nothing. He was wearing his favorite suit out of all of them. I made sure he was buried with the most important stuff to him. Pictures of me, some cards I made him, his baseball card collection and other stuff like that. I reached a shaky hand out and touched his arm that was stiff as a tree branch. A whimper escaped my mouth and I lowered my head to let a tear fall to the floor. I squeezed Paul’s hand and he put his hand on my arm. I turned into his chest and started crying uncontrollably. Even though I may look strong on the outside, inside I was a major wreck. The truth is…whenever I am alone; I cry, when I am asleep; I cry, but when I am with people like the pack I look like everything is ok and nothing ever happened. The only person who knew the truth was Paul since he refused to leave my side at all. I didn’t like people to see me cry so I pushed out of Paul’s arms and ran out to the front porch. I stopped on the top step and wrapped my arms around my waist then fell to the floor and started to cry. The screen door opened behind me and I felt…Cold hands on my back. I looked up to see who it was and I saw the Cullens behind me. Bella bent down and pulled me into her cold chest. A few minutes later I felt calmness wash over me.

“Destiny? Are you ready to sing the song?” Emily asked from the door.

“Yeah.” I said standing up and walking in to the house. I walked back into the living room and stood in front of everyone. “Uh…I want to thank you all for coming. Every since I was a little girl, my dad has been like my super hero, always there to protect me when things got bad. He was also like my best friend, whenever I had a problem I could always talk to him about it no matter what the situation was. There are several songs that describe my father and myself and I will like to sing them to you now. Whenever I would have a bad dream he…he would sing this song for me and I would like to sing it for you all now.” I said. I nodded looking at Sam who started the music on my Ipod.

Gotta hold on easy as I let you go.
Gonna tell you how much I love you, though you think you already know.
I remember I thought you looked like an angel wrapped in pink so soft and warm.
You've had me wrapped around your finger since the day you were born.

You're beautiful baby from the outside in.
Chase your dreams but always know the road that'll lead you home again.
Go on, take on this whole world.
But to me you know you'll always be, my little girl

When you were in trouble that crooked little smile could melt my heart of stone.
Now look at you, I've turned around and you've almost grown.
Sometimes you're asleep I whisper "I Love You!" in the moonlight at your door.
As I walk away, I hear you say, "Daddy Love You More!”

You're beautiful baby from the outside in.
Chase your dreams but always know the road that'll lead you home again.
Go on, take on this whole world.
But to me you know you'll always be, my little girl.

Someday, some boy will come and ask me for your hand.
But I won't say "yes" to him unless I know, he's the half
that makes you whole, he has a poet's soul, and the heart of a man's man.
I know he'll say that he's in love.
But between you and me. He won't be good enough!

You're beautiful baby from the outside in.
Chase your dreams but always know the road that'll lead you home again.
Go on, take on this whole world.
But to me you know you'll always be, my little girl.

Everyone clapped lightly and several people were crying including some of the pack. “The next song I want to sing is called I turn to you by Christina Aguilera and this song has always described how I looked at my dad and what I thought of him.”

When I'm lost in the rain,

In your eyes I know I'll find the light to light my way.
When I'm scared, And losing ground
when my world is going crazy, you can turn it all around.
And when I'm down you're there pushing me to the top.
You're always there giving me all you've got.

For a shield from the storm,
for a friend, for a love
to keep me safe and warm
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong,
for the will to carry on
for everything you do,
for everything that's true
I turn to you.

When I lose the will to win,
I just reach for you and
I can reach the sky again.
I can do anything
'Cause your love is so amazing,
'Cause your love inspires me.
And when I need a friend,
you’re always on my side
giving me faith
taking me through the night

For a shield from the storm,
for a friend, for a love
to keep me safe and warm
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong,
for the will to carry on
for everything you do,
for everything that's true
I turn to you.

For the arms to be my shelter through all the rain,
For truth that will never change,
For someone to lean on,
For a heart I can rely on through anything,
For that one who I can run to...
For a shield from the storm,
for a friend, for a love to keep me safe and warm
I turn to you

For the strength to be strong,
for the will to carry on
for everything you do,
for everything that's true
I turn to you.
For a shield from the storm,
for a friend, for a love
to keep me safe and warm
I turn to you.

When I finished I ran straight into Paul’s arms. Jake and Billy patted my back; they knew it would take me a while to be able to hear this without crying. After I stopped crying it was time to walk to the cemetery and bury him in the family section. When we got there the preacher said a few words and there was even a Native American blessing that is supposed to allow the soul to cross over to the other side in peace. When everything was said and done the gang and I went back to the house and I went straight to my room. I changed into my pajamas and stayed in my bed. ‘This was the worst day of my life.’ I thought before I fell asleep.