Stupid Boy

Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing-

As I awoke from my late-day nap, I slammed my hand down on my phone with such force I thought I may have broken it. But why would it matter if I did? I didn't have anybody to call.

I wanted to be dead.

I couldn't handle what today was. I just couldn't.

Because I knew that someone would come up to get me if I didn't sound awake, I started to get ready. I brushed off the idea of doing my hair. Why did I care what it looked like? My curls would just fall out in a matter of minutes anyway. Instead, I just brushed my hair and slipped on a braided head band. Then I applied makeup in a haphazard fashion, knowing that it would probably come off anyway. Next, I sighed and slipped on my dress. It was a lacey black dress that I bought with her one day when we were shopping together. I was in a terrible mood, but she made me buy it.

Then I slipped on my shiny black pumps, which I didn't want to wear at all. After that I took a seat on the bed and waited a few minutes to go downstairs. Fucking, fuck I don't want to go.

I'm going to look stupid as hell with a big nose bandage and purple bruise anyway. Why did I even try?

John hadn't talked to me for five days, which I told myself I didn't mind, when in reality, I did. I just wish he could see what he did wrong. Why can't he see? Maybe it was all my fault.

I looked at the clock and sighed, knowing I had to go downstairs. Maybe I could fall down the staircase and this would all be over. That'd be ideal.

With no luck, I made it down the stairs and met the quiet family, minus Ross who was out of the state, in the kitchen.

"Are you ready, Grace?" Tina asked with a sad look. I could tell she had been crying earlier.

I nodded at her and caught a certain boy's eye as I did so. Much to my surprise, he wasn't wearing his sunglasses. I smiled, knowing that he was letting his guard down for once. My mom was pretty much his second mom and I know he felt her loss deeply. He always felt everything more than I did.

"John wants to ride with you so we're going to go in my car." She said, catching me off guard. Refusing would have been rude, so I just nodded and walked out the door.

He was soon on my heels and followed me to the truck. I opened the door and hopped in. I buckled my seatbelt across my chest and he started driving.

About five minutes into the drive I started to feel a bit sick. It could have been caused by the pain pill I took for my nose, or because of my grief. I'm guessing it was a mix of the two.

Another few minutes I was sweating buckets and I knew that I wasn't going to last much longer.

"John, pull over." I ordered in a shaky voice as I hit the dashboard for emphasis.

"Gracie-"

"Now!" I cried. He slammed on the brakes and before he was even at a complete stop, I was out of the vehicle and kneeling on the side of the road, throwing up everything and anything inside my body.

After a moment I felt my hair being pulled away from my face and someone rubbing my back. Tears were falling out of my eyes due to the vomiting and I just wanted to go to sleep in an air conditioned room.

I spit over and over again to try to get the taste from my mouth, but nothing was working. I just sat there, on my knees, crying, while John stayed crouched next to me silently.

Then he got up and came back with a water bottle. I took it from him and gargled and spit multiple times, doing my best to wash the acid from my mouth.

"I haven't thrown up since two-thousand one." I said, still on my knees.

"Yeah, you had the stomach flu and when I tried to get you to watch Cujo you cried." He chuckled as he picked at the earth.

I fell silent again, just staring at the ground. I knew he was itching to get back on the road, but I didn't want to.

"You're just prolonging the inevitable." He said, as if reading my mind.

"Not true." I replied. "Every second I spend here is one second that I don't have to be there." I said quietly.

"My mom's worried about you." He stated. "So am I."

"Alright, let's go." I said as I stood up and brushed my dress off.

We arrived at the church and there were tons of people there that I didn't know. People that I'm sure my mom didn't even like. They were just trying to suck up to my father by coming.

I walked up to see her one last time and a lump started to form in my throat.

"Nice of you to make it." I heard him say, just like the asshole he was. I turned to him and glared.

"I'm not speaking to you." I replied in a weak tone as John tensed behind me.

My father was like John Hamm's evil, older, less attractive brother. All he cared about was money. I don't think he ever loved my mom. He probably just married her because she was so pretty.

"Suit yourself. I already cut you out of the will, you ungrateful little-"

"Hey. She doesn't need it now." John interrupted, sticking up for me. My father never liked him, either.

He just rolled his eyes and went back to greeting people like he was at some sort of fucking dinner party. I just wanted to shout to everyone how much of a big fucking asshole he was.

I looked at my mother for the last time in my life and then I walked straight out the door. I didn't know if anybody was following me, and I really didn't care. I made a b-line to the white truck and I got in the passenger seat. It was then, that I really let everything out. I heard the driver's side door open and shut and then I felt him wrap his arms around me and kiss the top of my head.

"It's not fair." I sobbed into his chest, ruining his nice button up.

"I know it's not." He whispered before kissing my cheek and rocking me gently.

I clutched his shirt and cried even harder, if possibly. He held me, rocked me back and forth, and stroked my hair through it all. After finally calming down a little bit, I looked up and noticed the few stray tears running down his face. I reached up and wiped them away with my index finger and then rested my head on his chest again, exhausted.

I didn't care what he'd done before, in that moment, he was being my friend and that was all I needed.

He hugged me tight and kissed my head again, whispering something that I couldn't understand.

I looked up into his eyes again and something told me what I had to do.

"I want to talk."

"Talk about what, sweetheart?" He asked softly as he brushed my hair away.

"Us. I-I was so hurt when you started ignoring me. I thought I did something wrong and then I got mad at you and it was stupid but you're here for me now and that's all I ever needed." I said in one breath.

"Gracie...I didn't mean to. I just got so frustrated with you and all your rich friends and- and fucking Blake that I-"

"Who's Blake?" I asked, confused.

"Blake. That kid you were dating freshman year." He replied.

"Oh...him." I nodded, vaguely remembering the name.

"He could give you everything and I could hardly afford a birthday present. I guess...I was jealous of your new life." He sighed as he rubbed his eyes.

"Those people were never, and will never be my friends. They were all just using me and not one of them cared about me the way you did." I told him honestly.

"I still do..." He whispered as he cupped my cheek and stroked it with his thumb.

I'm still in love with you - I wanted to say

"I know." I said with a weak smile.

"Do you want to go back in there?" He asked, motioning to the building.

"No." I replied.

"Then let's go." He said, taking off.

We drove around in a comfortable silence until John stopped at a store and instructed me to wait for a moment.

He came back with a six pack and got back in the truck. Then we drove off to this spot that didn't really have a great view, wasn't pretty, but it was secluded and private which was all the mattered.

He stopped the car and pulled some blankets from the back and got out. He set them in the bed of the truck and I followed him. I slipped off my shoes and sat on the big down comforter.

He opened a beer and handed it to me before opening one for himself. I put the bottle to my lips and sucked down the liquid quickly. He only drank one, in case he had to drive. But I drank four. I was the drunkest I'd probably ever been.

"Well you know what surprises me?" I slurred from next to him.

"What's that?" He chuckled.

"That you remember Blake. Like, the kid was forgettable. He reminded me of Freddy from A Pup Named Scooby Doo." I rambled.

John just laughed and replied, "I guess you never forget the guy who stole your woman."

"I am nobody's woman." I stated proudly.

"You've always been mine, babe." He grinned as he hugged me tighter to his body that was now lying next to mine.

"I'm flawless." I retorted.

"Okay, that's got nothing to do with the argument, but I'll agree." He chuckled.

Why is he doing this? He's leading me on, isn't he?

"I'm glad we're on the same book." I mumbled.

"Same page?" He corrected.

"Mm fine." I said as I curled into him, getting sleepy.

"Goodnight darlin'." He whispered before kissing my forehead.

"Goodnight love." I replied, meaning it.

What's the point in worrying? I won't remember in the morning.