These Butterflies

When I walk Stephen to the door after dinner, he still thinks I’m lying.

“Nothing happened?”

“Nope,” I say.

He presses his lips together. “Alright. Don’t forget that favor you promised me.”

“I won’t,” I say and I give him a hug.

“Okay. I’ll see you Sunday when you come back from your trip.”

John approaches us as he says this. “Bye Moo-lawnnnn,” he says before squeezing his arms around me.

“Bye John. I’ll see you Sunday too.”

“Yep,” he says with a grin as he pulls away. Stephen grunts in pain when his brother unexpectedly jumps on top of him from behind.

“Later guys,” Stephen says as he starts making his way back home with his brother on his back.

I close the door and turn around to find Alex standing right behind me. I freeze for a moment before going around him. I don’t really have anything to say to him. After I caught him with Melissa, I don’t feel as close to him. And the fact that he yelled at me earlier today didn’t help us get any closer. It didn’t make things any less awkward either.

He gets a mild hold of my forearm, keeping me from going any further. “Hey…”

I turn around. “Yeah?”

He shoves his hands into his pockets and bites his lip, which looks really cute. “I don’t like this Lani.” Before I get a chance to respond, he continues. “We’ve barely been speaking these past couple of days. Is everything alright? Did I do something? Are you mad at me?”

“No! I’m not mad at you,” I say quickly.

“Then what is it? I feel tension between us and I don’t like it. I want to talk to you.”

I can’t refrain from smiling. “You do?”

“Of course I do. You’re my best friend in the whole world. I feel like you’re keeping something from me.”

“I’m not,” I lie.

“Are you sure? Is there anything you want to tell me?”

I want to melt at the sight of his big, worried brown eyes. I want him to know how amazing he is, how funny he is, how attractive he is, how bad I want him. But I can’t tell him any of that. “No.”

He sighs. “You seem unhappy, and you’ve been sleeping so much-”

“I have?” I interrupt. He nods and that’s when I realize that lately I have been finding myself longing for a deep sleep, aching to escape reality. All I can think of is Alex and Melissa being together and what they do when they’re alone. He loves her. The mere thought makes my heart ache. And another realization hits me. I crave to ease the pain and confusion, and dreaming is my only way out, even if it’s only for a few hours.

Alex places his hand on my chin gently and makes me look up at him. “Tell me what’s going on.”

I gulp. Telling him would be crazy. Telling him that I’m so madly in love with him, with my own flesh and blood would be crazy. But the moment I realized how much he meant to me, I was like a ticking time-bomb set into motion, destined to explode. I won’t be able to keep this a secret forever. The way I react at his touch, the way I look at him. One day, he’s going to see it and I’m terrified of how he’s going to react. Should I just tell him now and get this weight off my shoulders?

…No. Not tonight. I try to think of a lie instead. But before I can say anything, there’s soft knocking on the door. He sighs and pulls away. I don’t want him to answer it, but there’s no reason to stop him. And when he opens the door, I wish I had.

His eyes widen. “Kate,” he breathes.