Catch Me When I Fall

I stared aimlessly at the football field as Ally rambled about her trip to Dallas on last summer. She couldn’t stop grinning the whole time and it kinda scared me. She’s never been this smiley before, “Ella, are you listening?” I turned my head and saw Ally pouting at me.

“I am,” I answered shortly as I watched the cheerleading team running around the field. Even from afar, I could see Kris smirking as she did her routine. Actually I had no idea if she could look at me from the field because it’s pretty far. But I was pretty sure that she was smirking at me. And, that was a sign that something bad would happen. There’s just nothing good about her.

“Ella, are you okay? You zone out a lot today and it worries me. You’re also pretty quiet.” Ally spoke up and I turned to see her. She sipped her orange juice and cleared her throat after that. I shrugged my shoulders and looked down at my half-eaten sandwich.

“I feel like something bad is going to happen.” I spoke up and bit my lower lip, trying to avoid the bad thoughts that have started coming into my mind. I took a few deep breaths and tried my best to feel calm.

“Relax. Today’s going to be fine.” Ally reassured and I pushed out a small smile. The bell rang and we stood up from our seats. As I walked towards English class with Ally, I couldn’t help but look around the hallway just incase if I see Morgan somewhere. It’s my first day coming back to school after being sick for a week or more. It felt weird to stay at home all day and did nothing. Morgan came to see me almost everyday after school but it suddenly stopped after 3 days. He even stopped texting and calling me. I tried to call him but it went to his voicemail.

I stopped walking when I saw Rick, one of Morgan’s best buds, “Rick!” I called him and he turned around to see. He was calm at first but when he saw me, he turned to look tense. He didn’t say anything so I spoke up, “Have you seen Morgan today?”

“No,” he answered shortly and scratched his back neck, “Uh, I gotta go. Bye, Ella.” He added before I could ask him again. I sighed loudly and walked into English class with Ally. Throughout the class, I couldn’t really focus on what the teacher said. My mind was at somewhere else. I couldn’t help but thinking about Morgan. I saw his car in the parking lot today and it’s a total lie if he didn’t go to school today. If Rick didn’t even see him today, where could he be?

When the class was dismissed, I walked out of the class without waiting for Ally. I walked towards the gym, hoping that Morgan would be there. When I walked into the gym, Morgan was standing in the center of the basketball field with a basketball in his hands. I could see that his shirt was drenched wet with sweats.

“Morgan,” I called out and he turned around to see me. He was shocked when he saw me. It’s all written all over his face. He dropped the ball and looked down at his shoes. Confused, I made my way towards him and titled my head to the side, trying to read his face but he blocked me out, “Morgan? What happened?” I asked him as I stepped closer.

“Nothing,” he answered and shook his head frantically. He looked up to see me and took a few steps back. What happened with him?

When I was about to ask him a question again, Kris walked out of the change room. She had a huge smile on her face and jogged towards Morgan, “Come on. Let’s leave. I can totally ditch my last class so we can have fun in my- Oh hi there, Ella.” She stopped right beside Morgan and smirked widely at me.

I glared at her before turning to see Morgan and giving him an unbelievable look, “You know what, I don’t wanna know what’s going on between you two. I don’t care though.” I snapped and took a few steps closer to Morgan. He had this sorry look all over his face but I ignored it, “Hope you have a nice life, Morgan.” I slapped him across his face before turning around and walking out of the gym with tears in the corner of my eyes.

I opened my eyes and took a few deep breaths to calm myself, “What happened to me?” I muttered under my breath as I got up and rubbed my tired eyes. I sighed loudly and turned to see the digital clock on the end table. It’s only a little past 1 AM. Getting back to sleep would be bad because I knew I would be having that dream again. I needed some fresh air.

I grabbed my hoodie and slipped on my shoes before walking out of my room. When I passed the lounge, Alice and Taylor were sleeping on the couch with the TV on. They were watching 500 Days of Summer but fell asleep before the movie ended. I grabbed my iPod from the coffee table and walked out.

The cool air hit me when I walked out of the building. It felt nice. The fresh air really calmed me down somehow. And, a cup of hot chocolate would totally help me tonight. Well, I knew it sounded silly to buy a cup of hot chocolate at Starbucks, but I couldn’t help it. On my way to Starbucks, I listened to some of my favorite songs from my iPod.

Deep inside, I regretted not driving my car because it’s pretty scary to walk on the sidewalk in the middle of the night all alone. Well, actually it’s only a block away from the apartment, but STILL! When I saw the sign of Starbucks, I raised my speed.

The scent of coffee filled my nostrils when I stepped in. Starbucks was pretty empty. There’s only this nerd guy who sat in the corner of the room with books and a laptop on the table. I walked towards the cashier and started to order. While waiting for my hot chocolate, I pulled out my phone and checked my Twitter. Some people were still online and those people were the 4 best friends that I knew as Big Time Rush.

EllaParker17: Sleepless night… oh, hot chocolate I love you!

I shoved my phone into my hoodie pocket as I took my order from the barista. Then I walked out of the coffee shop and made my way back to the apartment again. I sipped my hot chocolate as I looked around the street, watching the cars passed by. I finished my hot choco before walking in to the apartment building. I tossed the cup into a recycling can and then walked in to the building. As I walked towards the elevator, I pulled out my phone and checked out my Twitter again.

HeffronDrive: @EllaParker17 go get some sleep missy! You shouldn’t be up in this hour :p

I rolled my eyes playfully while reading that. I waited for the elevator and typed.

EllaParker17: @HeffronDrive um I think you shouldn’t be up too :p

I closed my Twitter and a few seconds after that, my phone rang. I checked the caller I.D and it was a call from Kendall, “Hello?” I answered as I stepped into the elevator.

“I’m surprised you haven’t slept yet.” He spoke up and I cracked a small smile.

“Actually, I’ve been sleeping since 9pm because I wasn’t feeling well but I had nightmare so I woke up and walked to Starbucks to get something to drink.” I replied as I waited the elevator to reach the 3rd floor, “But don’t worry. I’m feeling okay now.” I reassured.

“Wanna talk about it?” He asked as the door opened and I walked out of the elevator towards my apartment. I went silent after he asked that question to me. Talking about it with Kendall would bring many memories come up to the surface and I honestly had no idea how I would act if I remembered about that stuff again. I didn’t know if I would cry or not. A part of me wanted to talk it out with Kendall so I could sleep in peace again after tonight, but the other part not wanted to talk it out because I was scared of how I would react. I just didn’t want him to be panicked or something if I cried.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it with me. It can wait.” He said and I sighed in relief. I unlocked the door and walked in, “Are you home?”

“Yep, I am.” I walked to my room and quickly closed the door behind me, locking it. I slipped off my shoes and lie straight on my bed, “What are you doing right now?” I asked randomly.

“Um, talking to you?” He answered and chuckled slightly that made me chuckle as well, “How are you feeling right now?” I sighed at his question.

“I don’t know. I think I’m a little bit calmer right now, after talking with you. But I think I still can’t sleep yet.” I answered his question and sighed again, shutting my eyes for a while.

“Want me to sing?” He suddenly asked.

“Well, if you don’t mind…” I shrugged my shoulders.

“Hold on. I’ll be back real quick.” I took that time to put my phone beside my bed and took a deep breath. After a few seconds, I could hear him strumming his guitar and clear his throat, “Any request?”

“It’s up to you.” I answered shortly and waited until he finally strummed his guitar.

“There are no words to paint a picture of you, girl. Your eyes, those curves, it's like you're from some other world. You walk my way, Oh God, it's so frustrating. So why do I disappear when you come near, it makes me feel so small why do I blow my lines most every time, like I got no chance at all. If I could be your superman, I'd fly you to the stars and back again. 'Cause every time you touch my hand you feel my powers running through your veins. But I can only write this song and tell you that I'm not that strong. 'Cause I'm no superman, I hope you like me as I am…”