Here We Go Again

To say I didn't sleep Christmas Eve would be an understatement. If I still believed in Santa, he definitely wouldn't have come. 

I didn't head downstairs when I woke up earlier than everyone else because, despite my sorry state, I still didn't want to ruin the small excitement of Christmas I had left. I lay in my bed, staring at the ceiling, until I heard footsteps. Moments later, I heard a bit of hustle and bustle, and I took a deep breath before getting out of bed.

***

My parents and I performed our small routine of opening the few presents under the tree and making a giant breakfast before turning on the tv and watching a Christmas special. As the movie came to a close, we glanced at one another with grins before heading our separate ways upstairs. We always went back to sleep after our Christmas morning. And it would always be that way, even when I had my own family - wake up early, go back to bed after. You just couldn't not wake up early on Christmas morning. 

I shivered as I stepped into my bedroom, heading over to my computer chair to grab a hoodie I had slung over the back. As I slipped it on, a colorful piece of wrapping paper caught my eye on the seat of the chair. I stared at the present, biting my lip. I picked it up, turned it over a few times, and couldn't help but smile at the fact that Taylor had clearly wrapped it himself. I sighed deeply. I had done this exact same thing last night, but I hadn't opened it. I wasn't sure if I ever wanted to open it. I was afraid of what my heart would do with what I found inside.

I lay down on my bed under the covers, pulling the sheets and duvet up to my chin. The present rested in my hands as I rolled onto my side, holding it up in front of me. 

It wasn't big. It was quite small, actually, and in the shape of a square. 

I closed my eyes tight.

Oh come on, Veronica. You're going to open it eventually, and you know it.

The curiosity was just too great. 

My hands began to tear at the paper, and my eyes opened. I let the paper fall onto the bed, revealing a tiny blue box. It was obviously jewelery. I bit my lip and opened the box.

My heart sank into my stomach and I wanted to cry. It felt as though I was being kicked in the gut repetitively. 

It was a necklace. The chain was silver, and on the end were three charms; a cutout heart with diamonds all around the outline, a tiny set of blue flip flops, and a silver number 4. 

***

I stood outside the familiar house, gripping the wrapped present in my hands. I had been standing outside for so long that I had almost forgotten about the snow that was falling. The cold was beginning to numb my face, but I didn't care. My eyes were glued to the door.

I took a deep breath, fighting the urge to run away. I lifted my finger up to the doorbell, and with a sharp inhale and exhale I pushed down.

I heard the ring sound throughout the house on the other side of the door. I had told myself I would count to ten and, if no one came by then, I would leave. I began to count, and had made it up to four when I heard footsteps. I began to count faster, my nerves threatening to burst out of my system. I wanted to run but my feet stayed planted where they were, and moments later Taylor's mom appeared in front of me.

The woman's eyes widened in surprise, then squinted together. "Veronica?"

My mouth opened and closed before I simply gave her a weak smile. "Hey, Mrs. Hall."

"Are you... Are you here to see Taylor?" she asked uncertainly. 

I nodded, feeling my stomach lurch as she opened the door to let me through. 

"He's actually down the street at the arena with his cousins."

***

I entered the arena, noticing the difference in the air. The temperatures outside and inside were the same; it was the atmosphere that made it feel different. 

I could hear skates scraping across the ice, followed by children's laughter. My stomach flipped as I heard Taylor's unmistakable voice.

"You almost got it! Try again."

I took a deep breath before turning the corner and stepping onto where the players' bench once had been situated. 

The arena had been renovated a couple of years ago. The place where the Spitfires played was across town, and this arena was used for recreational skating. The front door led to a tiny box office and then an open hallway that led to change rooms. Two tiny hallways branched off and led to where I was standing now.

Taylor and his cousins hadn't seen me yet. There were three of them; two boys and a girl, from what I could tell. All younger than ten. 

Once again, I resisted the urge to flee. Instead I said softly, "Taylor?"

He didn't hear me. I swallowed, and was about to try again when one of the boys caught my eye and shouted, "There's a person watching!"

I winced at how creepy that made me sound. They all turned to look at me, and I forced a weak smile. My eyes met Taylor's, and I lifted my hand in a tiny wave. Taylor said something to the kids and they began to pass a puck around as he skated towards me. 

"Natural habitat, eh?" I tried to lighten the mood, but my voice cracked. I looked down and Taylor spoke. 

"Hi, Veronica."

That name sounded so wrong coming out of his mouth.

"Hi," I responded quietly. There was silence, and as Taylor leaned against the boards I realized he was waiting for an explanation. I stuck out my hand, offering him the gift. He stared at it before taking off his hockey gloves and gently prying it out of my hands.

"You didn't have to buy me something just because I gave you something."

I shook my head, biting my lip. "No, no, I, uh. I um, bought you that before. It's nowhere near as nice as what you gave me, but I thought maybe..." I trailed off, fiddling with my hands. 

"You opened it?" 

I nodded, meeting his eyes for a fleeting moment. Bad idea. My insides immediately turned to mush. "Um, yeah. Thank you," I said softly. I tucked my hair behind my ear before saying, "Okay, well. I'd better go. Merry Christmas, Taylor."