Stories In Scars
It's Everywhere You See
Ryan and I were going to share a room, but seeing as he wasn’t talking to me, that isn’t going to happen. Instead, Brendon said that I could sleep in his room.
In Brendon’s room, Spencer and Jon came in to us eating pizza on the bed.
“That was a great show tonight,” Spencer said. “Your duets were amazing.”
“Is Ryan still really mad at me? You guys know it was just for the show, right?” I ask them, nearly in tears.
“Of course we know. And I don’t know how he is. I haven’t talked to him,” Jon answered.
“Well, I’m gonna go into his room. Maybe straighten this all out.” I told them.
I walk into Ryan’s room, and all of the lights are out, except in the bathroom.
I enter the bathroom, and see something I never wanted to. Ryan was cutting.
He wasn’t wearing a shirt, only boxers. Blood came pouring out of his arms. I could see cuts on his legs as well. The wounds on his forearms were the deepest.
“Oh, baby,” I said, in tears. “What are you doing?”
His face was tearstained and red from crying.
“Give me the blade sweetie.”
He just shook his head no.
“You don’t love me, Grey. You were all over him up there. I’m disgusted,” he said, putting the razor to his bicep.
I reached out and snatched it away from him.
“Of course I love you. Are you doing this because --”
Ryan collapsed in my arms, sobbing. I didn’t know how bad the bathroom looked before now. Blood everywhere. On the walls. On the floor. On the towels.
“I-I-I, I thought... You were...” Ryan couldn’t get the words out.
We sat there for a long time, me holding him in my arms.
“Baby, we need to get you cleaned up.”
I went back to Brendon’s room, where my stuff was, to get antibacterial cream and rubbing alcohol. Of course, I took the blade with me.
Going back to his bathroom, he lie there, sobbing on the floor. His tears mixed with his blood.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he kept repeating as I cleaned him up.
Finally, the wounds on his forearm stopped bleeding. But it took a while.
Finally, when he had calmed down, I asked him, “Why did you do it Ryan? Why?”
“I, I thought you wanted Brendon. And it just set me off. It’s the only way I know how to deal.”
He sat crying in the bed in my arms.
In Brendon’s room, Spencer and Jon came in to us eating pizza on the bed.
“That was a great show tonight,” Spencer said. “Your duets were amazing.”
“Is Ryan still really mad at me? You guys know it was just for the show, right?” I ask them, nearly in tears.
“Of course we know. And I don’t know how he is. I haven’t talked to him,” Jon answered.
“Well, I’m gonna go into his room. Maybe straighten this all out.” I told them.
I walk into Ryan’s room, and all of the lights are out, except in the bathroom.
I enter the bathroom, and see something I never wanted to. Ryan was cutting.
He wasn’t wearing a shirt, only boxers. Blood came pouring out of his arms. I could see cuts on his legs as well. The wounds on his forearms were the deepest.
“Oh, baby,” I said, in tears. “What are you doing?”
His face was tearstained and red from crying.
“Give me the blade sweetie.”
He just shook his head no.
“You don’t love me, Grey. You were all over him up there. I’m disgusted,” he said, putting the razor to his bicep.
I reached out and snatched it away from him.
“Of course I love you. Are you doing this because --”
Ryan collapsed in my arms, sobbing. I didn’t know how bad the bathroom looked before now. Blood everywhere. On the walls. On the floor. On the towels.
“I-I-I, I thought... You were...” Ryan couldn’t get the words out.
We sat there for a long time, me holding him in my arms.
“Baby, we need to get you cleaned up.”
I went back to Brendon’s room, where my stuff was, to get antibacterial cream and rubbing alcohol. Of course, I took the blade with me.
Going back to his bathroom, he lie there, sobbing on the floor. His tears mixed with his blood.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he kept repeating as I cleaned him up.
Finally, the wounds on his forearm stopped bleeding. But it took a while.
Finally, when he had calmed down, I asked him, “Why did you do it Ryan? Why?”
“I, I thought you wanted Brendon. And it just set me off. It’s the only way I know how to deal.”
He sat crying in the bed in my arms.