More Than Just Curious

Frank’s P.O.V

I had just spilled everything to Gerard. I was sitting here crying along with him as I replayed the events of that night. That horrendous night that I would never forget. The silence that fell amongst the car was unnerving. I slunk in my seat, the tears flowing just as hard as before. I looked over to Gerard, him just as bad as me. I wanted him to pull over, so we didn’t get into a car accident. Just as if he read my mind he pulled over to the side of the road and stopped the car.

He looked over at me and shook his head, tears falling down from his angel like face. He was an angel sent to me from god, to save me, nurture me and get me back to sanity. I couldn't help but feel grateful to have a friend like him. He was my best friend, hands down. My friend, and that’s all I really needed right now is to have a friend to be there for me, and that friend is Gerard, my guardian angel.

As we sat there, no words exchanged, only starring at each other, I had finally felt at peace. It had been so long since I had told anyone that story, and still to this day my mother and Gerard are the only ones that know the truth. That I had killed my ex-girlfriend.

Once the tears died down, Gerard got back on the road to drive us home. It was already dusk, and I had wanted to know how long we were just sitting there, starring at each other. But, I found myself not caring and as we got home I sensed a sense of relief wash over me. I had just told Gerard my deepest darkest secret, and I was free.

It was only about five o clock in the morning when I woke up screaming. I tried to catch my breath as Gerard bolted awake beside me, his hand on his chest.

“What happened? Are you okay Frankie?” Gerard asked me, sitting up in the bed and putting one of his hands on my shoulder. He looked so sincere and scared, like he actually cared.

“It was just a nightmare.” I reassured him, lying back down onto the bed.

Gerard lay back down on his side, his eyes burning into the side of my head. He starred at me for a second longer, memorizing my face before he spoke up in a tear filled voice.

“Please don’t leave me Frankie.” Gerard told me for the second time. I felt my heart snap at the sadness in his words. I was making him sad.

“Never Gee.” I told him, knowing that I just may not be telling him the truth when I said that. I would anything to make him happy. I would do anything to make him not turn against me.

“Promise?” he whispered sincerely into the darkness. I nodded my head, even though I knew that he wouldn’t be able to see.

“Promise.” I whispered back to him. Then, before I knew it, his lips were on mine.

His kiss shocked me. His lips haven’t touched mine in so long, and I had to be honest that I had missed this. I missed his kisses. The feel of his lips on mine left me breathless every single time they had touched mine. I couldn’t help but flip over and grip tightly onto his shirt collar as I pulled him closer to me, as I close as I could get. I straddled him as I let go of his shirt and sat up breaking the kiss regretfully.

“I missed this Gee,” I whispered huskily to him as I leant back down and began to suck on his neck, making a small mark begin to form there.

I moved my lips against the soft skin of his neck, grazing it with my teeth and licking all around it, trying to make him moan. I but down on his soft flesh and I earned a moan of pain and pleasure from him. I smirked as I nibbled on the piece of skin there, I sucked harder and harder before I couldn’t take it anymore and just had to kiss him.

I moved my lips up to his mouth and kissed him hard, automatically pushing my tongue into his mouth to deepen the kiss. He moaned again as my tongue explored his mouth, feeling everything. He decided to deepen the kiss as he put his arms around my neck and held me there against him.

It was my turn to moan now as he bucked his hips up against mine. I stopped the kiss for a moment to catch my breath. I looked at Gerard and smirked as I looked down at him, his eyes looking right back at me. I kissed him again, this time a lot gentler than before.

I didn’t know what my feelings were towards Gerard. I knew that he was an amazing friend and he was there for me, but I also don’t know his feelings for me. He came up with this whole ‘friends with benefits’ thing himself. If he had liked me wouldn’t he just tell me that?

I felt myself falling out of the kiss and Gerard trying to kiss me that much harder, attempting to keep the kiss going. I couldn’t do it anymore and I had to pull away from him. Our lips made a smacking noise as they parted. Gerard apparently wasn’t finished yet because he attached his lips to my neck and began to suck, trying to form a hickey. This didn’t feel right. I hated being used.

I pulled away from Gerard and sat up, telling him that I had to use the restroom. He nodded his head and I walked out his door and to the restroom in the dark. I had practically known this place by heart so I didn’t need to have a light on.

I found the bathroom and switched on the light after shutting and locking the door. I walked over to the mirror and glanced at myself, tracing the now forming hickey that was present on my neck. I sighed as I looked at my reflection. I changed so much in this past year. I missed my old self, and I hated the new one. I wanted to be fixed, be normal again.

I went to the bathroom then made my way back to Gerard’s room. He was laying there starring up at the ceiling when I walked over to the bed. He smiled at me as I lay back down next to him. He looked wide awake now, it only being six in the morning.

“I’m not tired anymore.” He told me as he sat up and got out of bed to turn on the light. I squinted my eyes and waited for them to adjust to the new lighting.

“Me either,” I agreed with him, looking down at my finger nails and played with them absentmindedly. Gerard left the room for a moment which left me with my thoughts.

What were Gerard’s true feelings for me? He has never once told me that he liked me at all. Was he just using me? Did I mean something more to him or was I just some toy? Something that he could use and then just throw away when he was done, as if I was nothing, I wanted answers, but I wasn’t going to ask them. It all left me confused and I couldn’t help but feel an aching in my heart. Was I nothing to him?