More Than Just Curious

Gerard’s P.O.V

I sat here in Frank’s therapist’s office, starring down at my converse as Taylor began to ask Frank almost the same questions that she had asked him the day before. But on the bright side, you could tell that Frank was improving. He was talking a lot more this time and was actually answering the questions that Taylor was asking him.

“So, Frank would you mind telling me when this all started?” Taylor asked him. Frank sat next to me, fidgeting in his seat and looked around the room. He didn’t want to answer that; I could tell by the way he had tried to ignore the subject.

“Frank, when did this all start?” Taylor asked him again, pestering on the subject. Frank looked up, his eyes meeting hers.

“Almost a year ago.” He mumbled to her. She nodded her head and wrote something down on her clipboard.

“What happened a year ago?” she asked him curiously. I was afraid that she would ask that question. Frank was very touchy on the subject and I didn’t want him freaking out on her or start bursting out in tears in the middle of the session.

I looked over at Frank and prayed that he wouldn’t cry or start to shout and yell at her until he couldn’t take it anymore. But, to my surprise, he looked over at her, trust and honesty written all over his face. He opened his mouth and began to speak to her in a very calm voice.

“That’s when I killed my girlfriend.” He told her, his voice cracking about half way through. I half expected her to get up and go call the police. But instead she nodded her head and wrote it down on the clip board.

“Why do you say you killed her? How did you kill her?” Taylor asked calmly, not taking her eyes off of Frank as she asked him.

Frank looked at her for a moment. I could tell that he didn’t want to tell her that. He didn’t want to tell her everything that had happened that night. I knew that he would one day soon but today was not that day. Frank shook his head at her and stood up to walk out of the door.

She said nothing to him as he opened the door and walked out, leaving in the middle of the session. I thanked Taylor and followed Frank out apologizing for his behavior. She just waved me off and began to write on her clipboard again. I walked out of the door and went down the hallway. Frank wasn’t in the lobby so I decided that he was probably already in my car.

I walked outside into the cool October air. I shivered as I walked to my car as fast as I could so that I wasn’t in the cold that much longer. I walked over to my car and there was Frank, standing next to the car with no expression on his face.

I walked forward and joined him outside of the car. He looked up at me and smiled for a second, before it all turned back into a frown. I sighed as I walked a few steps closer to him and put my hand on his shoulder. He kept staring forward at the passing cars. I grabbed the keys out of my pocket and unlocked my doors.

“Frank, you can get in now it’s time to leave.” I told him. He nodded his head and set himself in the passenger side. Something was wrong with him.

I got into the car and shut the door behind me, starting up the car. The engine revved to life as I began my drive back home. Frank sat next to me, saying nothing and looking at nothing. His hands were balled into fists and his jaw was clenched tightly shut. Frank looked at me and huffed before turning his head to look out the window.

“Okay Frank, what’s wrong with you?” I finally asked him after several minutes of silence. Frank turned his head and looked back over to me, scowling.

“What’s wrong? Are you really asking me what’s wrong? It’s you Gerard. You are what are wrong. You confuse me so much sometimes it’s unbearable! I just can’t take it anymore. What are your actual feelings towards me Gerard, what are they? Am I some little game of yours? Do you even care about my feelings? Do you care that I am broken, and the way you play with me just makes it ten times worse?” Frank exploded at me, his voice full of anger.
I stared at him in shock for a moment, only really taking in what he had just said. I didn’t really think that I had to make myself vocal with my feelings. It was obvious that I liked him, or so I had thought. I was the one making him like this? Why did he have to yell at me like that? I was only trying to help him. This made me mad.

“I’m confusing you? Are you fucking kidding me? You’re the one over here with the ‘oh kiss me Gerard’ to your ‘don’t touch me’ phases. You think that doesn’t confuse the hell out of me? I am trying to help you! I have done nothing bad to you, and I mean ever. I let you move into my house, I get you a therapist to help you with your problems. What have you done for me huh? You have done nothing to help me. You have done nothing for me. I don’t have to tell you my feelings. I think it’s pretty stupid when you say you have a problem with me when I have done nothing to you.” I seethed at him.

Frank looked at me as if he were about to smack me. I really had done nothing to him, other than help him with all of this. He had never even said thank you once. I have only known him for about a month, yet I feel like I have known him for all of my life. And now, it was breaking my heart to hear what he had actually thought about me. That I was ruining him.

“I am afraid to get close to you Gerard, how can you not see that? The last time I gave myself to someone they ended up dead. My own father made me kill the love of my life, he made me a murderer. You cannot expect me not to have my doubts. I kind of figured that you could tell how much all of this means to me. I have done nothing for you that you got right. But I do care Gerard! You are my best friend and have been since day one. You are the only one other than Bella that has ever actually cared. I respect you, so much as a person Gerard but you need to stop confusing me and just tell me your feelings. I am sick and tired of playing your mind games.” Frank yelled back at me.

This was our first fight we have had and I have hated every single second of it. I didn’t want hear all of the things that Frank was telling me. I didn’t want to know how he actually felt. I wanted this fight to stop, but I couldn’t just stop talking back to him. I was adding fuel to the fire.

“I don’t have to tell you anything. You are confusing me just as much as I am confusing you. You just need to settle down and think about things okay? I honestly think you are acting very childish pinning things down on me. It is you too Frank, not just me!” I fumed.

Franks face turned a bright shade of red, his anger just sky rocketing. He looked like he was about to snap. That he was losing his sanity again. I wanted him to stay where he was, on the road to healing. I was just making this so much harder for him.

“Gerard, you have a-“I cut Frank off there as I leaned myself across the seats and kissed him hard and sloppily on the lips. I pulled away only seconds later and continued on with the driving.

It may not have been the best thing to do and it had probably only confused him a lot more but I didn’t care. It stopped the fight and I was happy for that. I didn’t like the way I was yelling at him. I hated the way he was yelling at me.

“That just confuses me even more.” Frank mumbled as he stared out the window at the passing trees, the sun beginning to sink behind them.

I didn’t answer him after his remark. I knew that if I did things would probably turn into a whole new fight again and I didn’t want that. I wanted things to be the same between us again. I didn’t want him to know my true feelings for him, even though I had made them obvious. I didn’t want to scare him. But, I knew that one day soon I would have to tell him that I liked him.