Waiting Outside the Lines...

After I had that painful reverie, I go downstairs to find Lidia sitting at the kitchen table sipping a cup of coffee and reading a magazine. My dad was still here, surprisingly. Something must have been wrong. I walk and set my book bag on the hall table by the front door.

“Oh Lannon! Good you’re up!”

My dad seemed awfully cheery for someone that was definitely NOT a morning person.

“Is something wrong dad?”

I slowly approach the kitchen anticipating for something to pop out.

“Oh no honey, Not at all!”

He gently nudges Lidia’s hand and she puts her magazine down.

“Lannon, I’m pregnant.”

I drop the box of Honey Nut Cheerios. My mouth hung open and I quickly shut it and put my hands over my mouth.

“Excuse but, WHAT?”

“Yeah honey! Your mom’s pregnant!”

I cringed at the word. Mom. She was nowhere NEAR being my mother. If only he would see how she treated me when he was at work, or when I was home from school. It was rare when I did come home but still. Evil. Pure EVIL.

“How long has this been?”

I couldn’t say anything. It was almost painful. How could he sleep with such a horrid beast?!?!

“Oh, about 3 months right honey??”

I spit out the water I was drinking all over Lidia. My mouth drops and I rush over to the counter and grab some paper towels.

“Oh, my gosh Lidia I’m so sorry!”

Truth be told, I had wanted to do something like that for a long, LONG time.

“Get off of me you little bra-.”

Lidia stops and then realizes she was about to call me a brat in front of my dad. I snicker.

“Errr, its okay sweetie! Accidents happen!”

Dad just stares blankly at us.

“I’ll go get you another shirt dear!”

Dad smiles and leaves the room.

“Look you little brat, I need to have a healthy pregnancy and delivery, and YOU are stressing me out with your irritating non-emotion showing crap. You do anything to piss me off, and I’ll make sure Daddy ships you off to your aunt Nitel’s for the rest of the year in Florida until SOMEONE makes you cry, or angry or whatever emotion they can get out of you. Because when they do, then I’ll be able too. And THEN I’ll be in heaven when I’m able to make you cry or whatever. Got it? So
don’t push me you little bitch.”

I stand there. Not moving, not showing an ounce of expression on my face. She clenches her fists.

“Oh, so you want to test me uh? Your loss, my gain.”

Her evil sneer was almost so deadly I think it could kill if it were someone else.

“Here honey! I’ve got you a new shirt!”

Dad walks in as cheery as he left. Not expecting that his ‘wife’ just insulted his daughter.

“Oh thank you so much sweetie. Honey,-”

She looks at me, and then smirks.

“I have something to ask you your opinion on.”

Dad sits down across from Lidia then grabs her hand.

“What is it Lidia?”

“Dan, I was thinking that we should send Lannon to Nitel’s for the rest of the year. I think it would benefit her greatly. I think that being around other people will help her to start showing emotions or feel again. I think it’ll be great for the family and for the baby to NOT have a sister that doesn’t show any emotions. It’ll make her feel even more loved than she already is. Don’t think you that’s a grand idea honey?”

She puts on her most dazzling smile on. Dad sits there pondering the idea, shaking his head and taking a sip of his coffee.

“Lidia, I’m not sure. The rest of the year? I mean after she is my baby girl and she’s all I have left of…”

He fades off and lowers his head. For the first time I saw a glint of remorse and sorrow cross her face and then it vanished.

“I know Dan. I’m so sorry, but I really think this will help us all.”

He nods and then stands up. I knew that face, he had to think about this. Thank God. No seriously. Thank God he didn’t just agree to everything Lidia says. Which means, he’s still loves me and I haven’t been completely replaced yet.

“I have to think about this Lidia. After all she IS my daughter and I do LOVE her with all of my heart. So I’m not just going to ship her off. I have to do the right thing here.”

And with that Dad leaves and goes to his ‘room.’ Dad’s room consisted of a flat screen TV; Movie Theater styled chairs, a popcorn machine and mini snack bar, sports magazines, and a desk in the corner when he wants to write when he’s in one of his thinking moods. He’s an amazing writer but he stopped when Lidia penetrated our home. It’s a shame; he was almost done with his first novel.

I walk down the hall and downstairs. I rap on the door. I hear a muffled ‘come in,’ then open the door. Dad was at his desk. I smile.

“Dad, what are you thinking?”

He sighs then turns his chairs towards me then motions for me to grab a chair next to him. I do as he says then sit down. I sigh. He’s in such a sticky situation. I wouldn’t know what decision would be the right one.

“Lannon, as much as it pains me I think Lidia might actually be right this time. You don’t smile sweetie. That’s not normal. I miss seeing your beautiful smile every morning. Now it’s just a solemn face that shows nothing. I want you to go back to the way you were and be a part of this family again. Truly. Not just a member, a big contribution. Can you do that for me Lannon? I need you to do this for me. Please Lannon it’s just hard to see you like this…”

For the first time, I saw pain on my dad’s face since my mother passed away. I couldn’t continue putting him through this anymore. I had to TRY to become myself again.

“Alright Dad, I’ll do this just for you. But NOT Lidia.”
Dad looks up at me and smiles.

“Thank You Lannon.”

“Yeah, yeah no problem. So when do I get to leave to paradise?”

“Dad I just realized, I haven’t seen Aunty Nitel since my eight grade graduation. Don’t you think she’ll be upset that it feels like we’re using her for our own personal gain?”

Dad chuckles and pats my arm.

“Oh no sweetie! Your Aunt Nitel loves you! Besides since she’s single and has no kids of her own, she can’t wait to spoil you like you’re her own daughter! She’s thrilled! Oh and don’t worry about not having enough money. I’ll be sending you your check every week and Nitel said she’ll help if you get in a little financial bond. But that probably won’t be likely.”

Did I mention that I’m pretty darn wealthy? I mentioned that right??

“Alright. I’m actually kind of excited to see her again. It’s like I’m going on a little mini vacation.”

Dad glances quickly at me and then looks back at the road.
“Lannon, excitement is a type of emotion.”

He tries to keep a straight face but I know he’s trying not to smile.

“Oh yeah huh, it is. Well looks like Lidia’s plan is actually working to my benefit.”