Confusion and Desperation

I ran upstairs to Angel’s room. He wasn’t in there though. I should’ve figured that out in the first place. Then I walked across the hall to my room where the door was shut. Slowly, I raised my hand and knocked, almost afraid of what I would find.

“Leave… me…alone!” Angel’s voice was hiccuping between his words.

I opened the door to my room and saw Angel sitting on my bed crying and rubbing his eyes. His face was an angry red and he was frowning fiercely.

“Angel, what’s—” Before I could finish my question, he was immediately across the room and his arms were wrapped around my legs. I bent down, picked him up, and started wiping the tears from his eyes. He buried his face in my shoulder and hung onto my neck. The smell of baby powder and the honeydew shampoo I always use on him settled over me, and I knew that I would miss him.

“I missed you, mommy,” his voice was muffled.

I started rubbing his back. “Shh… what did I tell you about that? I’m your sister,” I sighed, “I missed you too, baby.” Stroking his hair, I sat down and started rocking him. “I’m gonna have to leave soon,” I told him. Like ripping off a Band-Aid.

He raised his head and looked at me. His eyes started watering again, pools of brown flooding and spilling over. “Why?” he cried.

“I can’t be here anymore.” I knew that my own eyes were watering too.

“Take me with you!”

“I can’t, Angel.” My voice was shaking, and I started hugging him tighter.

Then Angel started full on sobbing. I started thinking of ways to distract him and remembered that he was a boy, albeit a small one.

“When’s the last time you ate, Angel?”

“Um… I don’t know,” he said quietly.

“Did you eat any cheerios?” He always ate dry cheerios for breakfast. It was almost noon now.

“No,” He shook his head against my neck.

“Then… what did you eat today?”

He was silent for a few seconds, and I almost asked him again, but then he said, “Nothing.”

I felt a dip in my stomach like when you go down a steep rollercoaster and I asked him, “Mom didn’t fix you anything?”

He shook his head again. “I…I asked her for some…some hot dogs and…and um juice but she said no. And she said ‘leave me alone’.”

I hands curled into fists at his back and I gritted my teeth, “What did you eat after I left last night?”

He shrugged.

I kissed Angel on the cheek and put him on my bed. Then I took out my phone and walked towards Angel’s room and slid his suitcase out from underneath his bed. Angel appeared in the doorway and watched as I started filling up his suitcase with toys and clothes. His eyes lit up and he walked closer and reached for his Spider-Man action figure.

“Para, Angel,” I chastised my brother as I tucked my cell phone between my head and shoulder. Damien answered on the first ring.

“I’m leaving,” I said as a greeting.

“What do mean? Did you take the pill?”

“My mother kicked me out and she’s not treating Angel right, so we’re leaving. You have to come back!” I could feel wetness on my cheeks, and I knew that I was crying again.

“Okay, okay. Calm down. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

I hung up and started putting as much of Angel’s stuff as I could into his suitcase. Then I started on my room, Angel following me all the while.

“Where are we going?” he asked in his bell-like voice. He was staring up at me with his big, innocent brown eyes.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and tried to smile for the sake of my little brother.

“We’re both going on an adventure!” My voice trilled with false happiness.

“Yay!” He clapped. His eyes were still red-rimmed, but at least he wasn’t crying anymore.