Confusion and Desperation - Comments

Hey there! Here from comment swap. I've only read the first two chapters but I'm actually pretty hooked and plan on going back and reading more. I really enjoy the way you describe the town. The whole time I was like. "Lol yup sounds like Texas". I also loved the banter between the other two characters. that was hilarious. I'm really curious to see what else goes down. Also nice layout. Real appealing.

Why hello! I'm here from the Comment Swap thingy, hehe. Oh by the way, you've given this story a really nice layout. Makes it much more appealing to read in the first place.. Anyway, I found that this was an excellent story. It began a little confusing, but you handled this well and allowed the readers to grow to understand. Great plot too.

I like it :D

this is really great! i was properly confused right at the start (just like eli, haha), but as i carried on reading i started to get the hang of what was happening.

i love what's happening so far and i really can't wait to carry on reading and see what's gonna go on next!! eeee!! <33

Wow okay so far I like the plot of the story or well I liked the beginning but now I'm rlly scared because the way u just left this chapter has added many problems that can lead 2 many complication and just idk trouble but id love to read more of the story because I gotta give props the story's kinds awesome!!! So update, Kay?

[Comment swap]
The layout is a bit busy and the red is hard on the eyes. A bad/busy layout will discourage a lot of people from reading because it strains the eyes and makes reading difficult.

Your writing is good :) Descriptive and you can understand what is going on. So far, I like your story and I'll be continuing to read it :D

(Comment Swap) The collors feels ill matched.
Not sure where in the story the image came from.
A strange mix, altogether?
(Chapter 8)
The vocabulary is good, this far. It's confused, but the story flows well.
I'm not sure what to make out of this part.
Naturally, it had to finish with that remark, I guess.

Late remark; I like short. Not sure what I'd add, in matter of details, or action.

Maybe I prefered it confused?
Considering the spirit was starting to drop at the end.

I'm not a big fan of the layout, it seems quite blocky to me but I like the pictures you used for it. I like how you described the hookah lounge though, I used to smoke hookah with my friends a few years back and most people get the details wrong, so well done. The last chapter was also really good, thbe description of her waking up in the car especially :)

I like the first two chapters. I am intrigued by it c:

Also, you should make your layout and summary a bit more interesting.

This was a very drama filled chapter and I love the way that you interpret the Spanish phrases in also, it makes it so real. I cant wait to see how the other chapters turn out because its getting pretty exciting already! :]

Chapter Five:
I really like the way you describe things and the girl faye's hair, I love how you potray them and how they act, I think her little brother is cute! I've always wanted a sibling. I like the imagery, like I can see her holding Angel. I like the slang you used them to talk, it makes it seem so real. This was a good job so far, I wonder what the other chapters are like, so I will go read those. I'm guessing there as good as this one though!

I really liked this prologue. It was a great exposition to the story, and circulates around the competitiveness of volleyball. I'm already intrigued. :)

Wow, that sucks that she has to wear a neck brace for so long but I'm excited for future chapters!!!

I love the way you started this story and i'm sure its gonna be even better than the last one!! Cant wait to see what the future chapters hold :)