All for You

Everyone was quiet without Andy. None of us were really sure what to do, and Alex seemed to be in a ever changing state of fluxuation between being really angry at all of us for not telling him about Andy and Zack, and being upset at himself for making her go home.

Andy wasn't answering my texts, or my calls. Radio silence. Our parents hadn't seen her in awhile either, which irritated me beyond belief, but I said nothing. There was nothing I could really do, because this was my fault.

It didn't make it better that Jack was distancing himself. It seemed like the only time I needed him, really really needed him, he was just … gone. When we spent time together, he mostly sat in silence, half listening to everything I said.

I was standing in the bathroom, trying to do my makeup before my date with Jack tonight, when I heard the door open and Matt's voice booming through the bus, calling my name. I felt bad – since Jack and I had been together, I hadn't spent as much time with him and Evan.

“I'm in here!” I called, and Matt smiled at me as he came down the hallway. As usual, he was dressed in all black, but I noticed he had taken that awful ring out of his lip, and he looked so handsome.

“You look beautiful,” He said, and I blushed. I was excited for me and Jack's date, hoping that we would return to normal. The Jack who told me he loved me and cuddled with me when we watched awful movies on Netflix and who winked at me from the stage. Just as Matt leaned against the doorway to the bathroom, my phone lit up.

“Can you check that for me?” I asked, in the middle of doing my eyeliner. Matt nodded, and then made a face I could see in the mirror. It was a mixture of concern and … anger. Which was odd, since Matt never got angry. “What?” I asked, and Matt spoke through gritted teeth.

“Jack says he just puked, and he's gonna finish through the second half of the set and then go see a doctor,” Matt said, and before I could feel crushed, or even disappointed or angry, Matt suddenly appeared to muster up some kind of courage. “There's something I need to tell you about Jack.”

I felt myself go numb as Matt murmured his next words. “Evan caught him texting a girl back home … talking about meeting up … again … said he was single ...”

The words came to me in pieces, in broken pieces, just like my heart. My body was no longer numb; now pierced with pieces of glass as I sank to my knees, enveloping myself around Matt's body because he was the closest thing. Tears were flowing freely, and I felt so … pathetic. I gave him EVERYTHING, and he was fucking cheating on me.

“Look what he’s done to me,” I sniffed madly, trying desperately to get a hold of myself. “Why would he ever do this to me? I thought we were friends, I thought we were much more than that. Best friends.”

“Sh, baby,” he rocked me back and forth as tear stains became apparent on his shirt. “You know he wasn’t worth your time if he did that, just, everyone makes mistakes, you just have to make it through this one.”

“But why didn’t I listen to all of you?” I screamed as I lifted myself from his lap. “Why didn’t I just listen to all of you?”

“Because you followed your heart, and your heart was right,” he stood up to stand next to me. “But this time you just got it spit back in your face. He can’t have a commitment.”

I hugged him tightly as he grabbed me and put his arms around my waist. That's when I began to let the tears fall down my face harshly once again as he just rocked me back and forth. I cannot believe I had done this to myself. That I let this happen. I actually let my heart become broken.

The feeling of glass piercing my heart did not improve as the night went on. I curled up inside my bunk, and I was shaking, silently. The guys were in the other room, playing Xbox and shouting, laughing. Jack had gone to some minute clinic to get his sickness checked out. I didn't even bother to find out if it was genuine, or if he was going to meet that stupid fucking skank.

My back was to the closed curtains, which opened slightly. Matt stuck his head in, his lower lip jutting out slightly. “Can I come in?” He whispered, and I said nothing, but I wanted Matt to hold me again, he felt safe. He would never hurt me; he was incapable. “I told the guys you were just tired, and to leave you alone,” He said, sliding into the bunk on his side, a few inches from me.

“Thank you,” I managed, my voice cracking. I didn't know what to do, what to feel … I just felt so … empty. Like someone had sucked everything out of me and now I was just a hollow body to hold sadness.

Matt opened his mouth, as if to say something, closed it again, looking distressed. “I'm sorry, Aria,” He managed, and I shook my head as much as I could in the small bunk.

“I don't want your apologies. I trusted him. It was my own damn fault,” I murmured, feeling tears spark under my eyes, but pushing them away impatiently. Matt half smiled, reaching out to push a piece of hair out of my eyes, his hand lingering on my red and puffy cheeks, never breaking eye contact.

For a moment, I thought he was going to kiss me. But before I could process how I felt about that or what I would do, he leaned forward to kiss my forehead, and slid out of the bunk, closing the curtains behind him.

I tucked my knees tighter to my chest, burying my face between them and began to cry again at the thought of the conversation I would have to have tomorrow, and the thought that my best friend wasn't here to help me.

I fucking missed Andy.