Black Hearts of Chrome and Battle Scars

“I still love her.” tears threatened to fall down my cheeks as I whispered. I was so sure that Shiloh hadn’t heard me.

“So why don’t you talk to her?” she doesn’t understand. Scout won’t listen to me. I’ve lost her. And I’ve lost her for good this time.

“What do you mean?” why can’t she just drop this?

Doesn’t it make some amount since that I don’t want to get my heart broken again. I know I’m Andy Biersack and that I’m a symbol for being strong and confidant, but when it comes to Scout I’ve never been strong or confidant.

“I mean, phone her, and just talk to her, you could at least be friends than nothing at all right?”

“I guess.” I shrugged.

“Alright, then go phone her.” what? Was she being serious? Does she really expect me to do that?

“What now?” from on top of me Shiloh shrugged.

“Yeah, I don’t see why not.” I groaned.

“Do I really have to do it?” I swallowed hard. I don’t think I could stand to call her only to have one of her many boy toys that she cheated on me with pick up her phone. That would kill me.

“You know it Biersack.” Shiloh sat up and gave me a smile, it looked forced but I won’t push her right now. Doing that could only make this whole calling Scout thing worse on me.

“Ugh. But she’s probably shooting right now.”

“Then leave a message.”

“Gah. Shiloh you’re killing me!” covering my face with my hands I groaned. She’s really going to make me do this. Great. I just started to get over this and now Shiloh has to throw salt in my wounds.

“I’m not killing you, now call her up.” taking her phone out of her pocket she shoved it in my face.

“Fine, let’s see if I remember her number.” looking down at the keypad I knew that I still knew her number. I know that number as well as I know the lyrics to all my songs.

“I’m sure if you try hard enough you can remember.” I glanced over at her.

I can’t really read her expression right now. I can only imagine how she’s feeling right now. She must hate me now. I should have never said anything about Scout when I had a perfectly ready relationship forming with her. There went my chances with that.

“Okay.” I quickly dialed Scouts number and listened to it ring.

The line rang four times before she picked up.

“Hello?” my breathing stopped.

“H-hello Scout.” I think Scout stopped breathing too because the line went silent. For a second I thought she had hung up but the keypad hadn’t lit up yet.

“Andrew?” I nodded but then remember that she couldn’t see me. I’m such a loser .

“Yeah. Its, uh me.” licking my lips I ran a shaky hand through my hair. This would be the first time I’ve talked to Scout since I found her in our bed with another guy when I returned from our last tour.

“Um, uh how are you? How’s tour?” I glanced over at Shiloh. I hate that she’s making me do this.

“Tour’s good and I’m doing okay. How are you?” in the background I could hear Scout tapping her nails on hard surface next to her.

“I’m good. So uh, why’d you call?” Shiloh gave me an encouraging smile.

“I wanted to call because, uh, I wanted to make an amends with you.” I think Scout gasped. Yes. Shiloh has forced me to be the bigger person. Bless her soul.

“Oh Andy…” obviously Scout didn’t know what to say, which was no help to me because I have no clue what to say either.

“Yeah, uh, I wanted to say I’m sorry for the way I acted that night and that I wanted to know if we could at least still be friends?” I jumped when Shiloh patted me on the back. Is she proud of me or something?

“No, Andy I’m so sorry for what I was doing. I shouldn’t have been cheating on you while you were out on tour. I’m so sorry I did that to you. You deserve so much better.” my eyes watered. Did she just really say that I deserve better? Because the only thing I want is her.

“It’s okay Scout. That’s all the past, the past is the past.” my voice was low and the tears were streaming down my cheeks.

It took a lot for me to say that. Because before I don’t know how I would have said that? For the longest time I hated what Scout had done to me but I missed her and wanted her back. But now hearing her say that made me realize that she’s right.

“I know it’s the past Andy, but I still want you to understand just how sorry I am. I never should have done any of that to you.” I chuckled softly as I brushed away my tears.

“Don’t worry about it Scout. The only thing I want to know now is if you still want to be friends? I miss your company.”

“Andy, I’d like that.” I grinned like a fool and glanced over at Shiloh. She tried to look happy but again it looked forced.

“Thank you Scout.” my words were whispers into the phone.

“You’re welcome Andrew. Well I’ve got to go we’re shooting again. I’ll talk to you again soon?” her words sounded more like a question than statements but I was still happy to hear that she’d want to talk again.

“Okay. Well I’ll talk to you later Scout. Bye.” I smiled and hung up the phone.

Shiloh was watching me with that same unreadable expression from before. Now that guilty feeling from earlier was growing in my stomach. I should probably apologize to Shiloh.

Just as I was going to open my mouth I was shocked to find that Shiloh had her arms wrapped tightly around my neck. “I’m so proud of you Andy!”

I laughed awkwardly. I’d be way more proud of myself if I hadn’t hurt Shiloh. She may not be showing it but I know that I’ve seriously just hurt her. Way to go Biersack. Way to go.