Stop Standing There

My phone rang again, and his name came up again. Third time today, and I couldn't bring myself to answer it. And then he texted me, for the first time today.

Can we just talk please?

I didn't reply, I didn't do anything, I just set my phone down on the bed and left the room.

I still wasn't talking to Sarah, it really sucked, because everything that happened with Chris, the emotions, they were all held in, and I couldn't talk to her about it.

I decided to take a sick day from work. It was an off day, so it's not like alot would be going on anyways. Plus, if Chris was going to be there, I wouldn't be able to handle it.

I was in the kitchen in an oversized hoodie, black leggings and long wool socks, and hair pulled back, drinking hot chocolate. It was still cold for March. I heard the door open and close, and I stood up, placing my mug in the sink. She sighed when I tried to walk away, but I realized this could be my chance to get something out of her.

"Sarah, I can't hold this in any longer. I just need someone to talk to"

"Sky, I'm--"

"We're not talking about our parents" I said sitting back down in the chair, pulling my knees up to my chest, "It's about Chris"

She seemed intrigued, so she set her bag down and sat across from me, placing her hands on the table, "Okay...what happened?"

"He kissed me"

She sat back, eyes wide for a few seconds and then leaned forward again, "And?"

"He won't stop calling me..."

"Why don't you talk to him?"

"Because I don't know what to say" I sighed, "I was rude to him afterwards, I don't even know what I feel anymore"

She just sighed, "Eventually you have to say something to him, you can't ignore him forever"

"I can try" I shrugged.

"Sky, I saw him today, he was one of few in the optional skate, he was off. Don't make him suffer"

"Right now, I just can't Sarah, I'm sorry"

"It's your life" she shrugged, "But don't string him along if you don't feel something, because I can tell his feelings are genuine, so figure it out" she stood up and left the room. I sighed and went to my room, shutting my door only a second after she did. I looked down at my phone and he had called again. Maybe talking to him could help, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him.

Chris, I'll talk to you at the rink tomorrow before practice, meet me there early, okay?

He was quick to respond, I'll be there

--

Sarah and I went to work together, but it was still a silent ride, there was still tension there. We're both mad at each other for what our parents did to us. I don't get it.

We parked and he was leaning against his car, arms crossed over his chest, "Everything okay?" sarah asked.

I looked over at her and smiled subtly, realizing she did still care, as much as it felt like she didn't, "I don't hate you Sky" she replied getting out of the car, "You'll be okay"

"Thanks" I nodded throwing my bag over my shoulder. Sarah locked the car and made her way in, I stopped in front of him, and kept my eyes on the pavement, "What do you want?" I asked.

"You can look at me" he replied.

I looked up at him, and his eyes didn't seem as blue as they usually are, and it broke my heart, "I can't" I replied looking down at my hands this time.

"Was what happened really that bad?"

"I'm just confused, this doesn't happen to me" I shrugged, "Guys don't give me attention, not for me"

"Is there something else I should know about?" he asked. I thought of my dad, and my family name, and I couldn't tell him. I couldn't let him judge me because of that, it happens too much.

"No" I said shaking my head, "Nothing important"

The morning air blew across my face gently, and I felt a chill. I crossed my arms a bit tighter across my chest and he reached out, rubbing my arms gently, in an attempt to warm me up. His hands were warm, even though it was as cold as it was for this time of year. I pulled back quickly and shook my head again, "Don't..."

"Sorry"

"Chris, I can't do this. I can't be with anyone, and I can't accept that someone has feelings for me that aren't a lie" I replied, "I need to get to work, good luck tonight" I tried to walk away but he responded.

"Sky, I promise you these feelings aren't a lie"

"You don't know me" I said turning around.

"Then let me"

"You won't like what you know" I replied walking towards the rink, "Trust me, I'm not worth it"

I kept walking, but turned around and glanced at him, he hit the roof of his car in frustration and I turned around quickly, walking in the door, feeling the warmth of the heat inside.

"How did it go?" sarah asked meeting me by the dressing room.

"I don't think he likes me so much anymore"