Confessions of a Self Harmer

It’s the worst damage I’ve ever done.
I started at my wrist.
I moved up.
Almost to my elbow.
Smooth lines.
Dotted with red.
I couldn’t stop myself.
I just had to continue.
The more I went,
The easier it all became.
It’s over.
I’m done.
Dad will never touch me again.
And neither will Anthony.
I have to leave him.
I have to.
He deserves so much more than me.
More than my drama.
More than I can give.
I don’t want to be touched.
But I do.
It’s so golden.
A touch from anyone but my Dad.
I want to be loved by Anthony.
But not for some lie.
And this is big.
This is a part of me.
This is me.
I am this.
Some freak who let her Dad touch her because she wanted his love.
Because if she didn’t play he’d insult her.
I’d take it all back.
Deal with his cruel words.
But I can’t take it back.
And I have to leave Anthony.
I have to let him go.
So he can do better.
So he can have better.
So he isn’t stuck with a freak like me.
I don’t want to lose him.
But if he knew everything,
He’d probably hate me.