Ready When You Are

I could see those boys playing their songs live a thousand times, and I still wouldn’t get tired of them.

The way they acted and played their songs was truly inspiring. It brought a smile to my face. Kennedy looked like a kid in a candy store. John was loose and the way he talked to the crowd made me happy. Jared was one of the most amazing guitar players, truly. Pat’s hair flung into his face and he flicked it out with his drumstick every few seconds. Then there was Garrett, who talked more than I expected him to and just looked so, so…

Sexy.

There was no other word for it, and the smile on my lips watching him couldn’t be smacked off. Olivia was lightly singing to the lyrics and winking and Jared every few minutes, pushing her beautiful blonde hair behind her ears. Em was at the bar, trying to find a guy to flirt with. And by the look of a cute boy with shaggy blonde hair drooling over her, I’d say she was doing a pretty good job.

“Hey there pretty lady.” A voice said and I felt an arm wrap around my shoulders.

I turned to see Austin, the boy from Kennedy’s party smiling down at me. He had opened for The Maine, and was actually very talented. His breath smelled like beer and cigarettes but somehow he managed to still be attractive.

“Hey Austin,” I smiled sweetly at him. “Great show!”

Austin laughed. "You seem surprised."

I shook my hands quickly. “Pleasantly!”

He laughed again and winked at John who pointed over at us. Austin pointed back and laughed.

“Garrett’s pretty cool on stage, eh?” Austin asked me.

I squinted at him. “Uh, sure.”

“He’s a lucky guy, ya know. Getting a lovely girl like yourself.” Austin whistled.

“Oh, we’re not together.”

Austin took a step back and looked at me. “I thought you were taken, no?”

“I have a boyfriend, it’s just not Garrett.”

His eyes clicked and he nodded, rubbing the stubble on his chin. “Oh, yes, I remember. That’s the dickhead John told me about.”

I gave him a face, ready to ask him a ton of questions about that. Why was John talking to people about Brendan, and saying bad things at that? And people still thought I was with Garrett, which didn’t bother me.

And maybe it should have.

Before I could say anything, I felt a sweaty body engorge me.

“Kenleeeeeyyyy!” The voice sang.

I looked up and laughed. “John Cornelius, you’re quite sweaty.”

Then I felt another sweaty body hold my other side, lifting me off the ground, away from John, and into the parking lot.

“I’ll save you!” The boy yelled.

I laughed, recognizing the voice as he set me on my feet. I leaned into his sweaty chest as he grabbed my hand and pulled my back to the van.

“You saved me, Gare.” I laughed.

Garrett shot me a rock on sign as he opened the trunk of the van and pulled off his shirt. The first thing I noticed was a clean, neat tattoo right on his ribs reading “I need you so much closer.” I knew Garrett had tattoos, but I had never seen that one before. Transantlaticism was one of my all time favorite songs, and the tattoo became my favorite of his.

I was about to mention something, hell I was about to reach out and touch it, when a rush of people came by and Garrett pulled on a blue plaid shirt.

And by people, I meant girls. Lots and lots of girls.

Pat and Kennedy walked out of the venue, briskly throwing Garrett a sharpie as he nodded over to them a thank you. Pat walked over to me and whispered in my ear sharply,

“You’re gonna wanna move.”

And as I looked at the sidewalk full of giggly girls, I decided to take his advice. I turned to go into the van as I felt something grab my hand.

“Just stay.” Garrett whispered, hiding the fact that he was holding my hand from the girls circling around him. “Stand right here, ok?”

I nodded and leaned against the trunk of the van. If he wanted me here, I would be here. Even with these girls giving me looks of disgust and some of them even pushing in front of me.

I decided to lean against the van just watch. John probably had the largest group, and occasionally he would look over at me and make a frustrated face. Pat came to stand next to me, combining his crowd with Garrett’s and eventually Jared joined too.

“J-Jared smells pretty bad.” Pat said told a fan, causing me to giggle.

“Hey!” Jared yelled. “Pat’s hair smells like shit. Plus he kidnaps girls off the street. Little creep.”

Jared and I exchanged a glance as I giggled into my hand.

“Jared, is Olivia here?” A girl piped up at asked. Jared nodded and smiled happily.

Then the girl turned to Garrett, who was signing a girl’s album and nodding to whatever she was telling him.

“Garrett, where’s Sara? I haven’t seen her at shows in forever!”

My heart dropped as he looked up at her with his deep blue eyes. His mouth moved but not words came out. He looked around slowly and Pat kicked up the dirt.

“Uh,” Garrett paused, rubbing the back of his head and squinting at the ground, “She uh, I don’t know, I’m uh, not sure what to say.”

I felt terrible. I wanted to run and hug him. I wanted to hold his neck and drag him away from all the people. I wanted to be on the mountain with him again, just the two of us, where it felt like nothing could touch us. My heart sank and he looked over me, then sighing back into the ground and saying hi to a new fan.

Pat looked over at me and bit his lip as a fan handed him a poster and he signed it with ease.

As the night went on, the crowd died down. John still had a good number and Pat had moved over to stand by him, as Jared had already gone to a bar with Olivia.

Kennedy had finished signing a little while ago, and I had barely seen Em all night which scared me a little bit. She could be hooking up with that guy at the bar. Or lord knows, maybe she was hooking up with Kennedy again. I was never really sure with that girl.

Slowly I looked around, searching the crowd for Garrett as I stopped daydreaming. But he was nowhere in sight. Frantically, I turned around, walking around the bus and peering in every direction.

Then I saw a figure in jeans and blue plaid shirt walking down a parking lot.

I thought for a second about letting him be. But I had already done that the first night we saw Sara cheating on him. That night I had let him go. And I wasn’t about to do it again.

I ran over across the parking lot and into another parking lot, but this one was empty. Empty except for a certain boy sitting with his back against a brick building, his feet flat on the ground and his hands on his knees as he looked up at the city lit sky.

Walking over, his face slowly turned to see mine and I shot him a reassuring smile, standing by him and looking over.

“Hi Gare.” I said softy. “Can I sit?”

Garrett looked up at me and nodded, softly scooting over and making me a spot.

I wasn’t sure what to say next. Should I just lay here with him and look up? Should I talk? Should I just leave?

“Do you want to be alone?” I whispered, “I can go.”

I got up slightly, and Garrett brought his hand quickly up and shook his head, pulling me back down and keeping his hand in mine as I sat next to him once more. “No, just stay.”

His fingers lightly grazed my hand as his eyes turned to look at the beautiful sky. The city felt so quiet. There were cars behind the building we were sitting on, driving on the busy street, but I felt like it was just me and Garrett.

“Do you ever wish you knew something back when you didn’t know it, even though deep down you kind of did know?” Garrett said.

Even in that jumble of a sentence, I knew exactly what he was talking about. I nodded and turned to face him.

“Yeah, yeah, I do.”

Garrett nodded. “I wish I knew Sara wasn’t right for me. It would have saved me so much fucking time.” He paused. “But in the end I did know. I always knew.”

I nodded quickly. The words were rambling into my head and my heart pounded.

“I guess you learn though, Gare. It’s all part of uh, life.” My eyes met his and I nodded, smiling and laughing before resting on his shoulder and staring into the black parking lot.

“Kenley I need to ask you a question.”

I turned to face him, nodding.

Garrett took a breath and said quickly, “Do you love him? Brendan, I mean? Like is he the one?”

The words didn’t come right to me. There was nothing in my head. Just a few things I could say. I could jut out a ‘yes’ but it wouldn’t feel right. I could pause, I could think for a while longer, but then it would be a no.

“I um, well-”

“No,” Garrett shook his head, “do you or don’t you? Cause you should know, right?”

I paused. I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t not be completely honest with Garrett.

“I’m not sure.” I whispered softly. “I haven’t been sure for a while. And I really want to be. But there’s just something, something-”

“There.” Garrett finished my thought.

He turned to look at me, our faces only inches apart.

“Exactly.” I whispered. “He just doesn’t make me feel like myself anymore. I don’t feel good or beautiful or worthy.”

I could feel his breath on mine as the city fell asleep around us. Cars were whizzing by, a building blocking us form the road. But I just felt him. His fingers lightly running along mine. I closed my eyes slowly as I felt our faces getting closer. Garrett slouched down on the wall so I wasn’t looking up at him anymore.

“You’re all those things.” Garrett said softly.

Our lips brushed lightly.

I couldn’t take it anymore.

I pushed my lips against his. I kissed him lightly and felt my entire body glowing. I held onto his shirt with one hand, my other still wrapped in his. Slowly I pulled away, resting my forehead on his as he kissed my lightly on the lips and I moved on top of him. My hand resting in his hair as he held my back, kissing me sweetly.

The kiss was passionate, gentle, soft, but everything I needed it to me. I felt him in it. It was warm and made my toes tingle.

Slowly he pulled away and I could feel him smiling. I smiled back, keeping my eyes closed and pulling him back towards me.

We were about to kiss again as we heard a car hit the pavement around us, and I jumped up, throwing my hand in Garrett’s and pulling him back towards the van as he laughed and followed.

When we reached the van it was empty, as well as the parking lot. I leaned against the van and smiled, looking up at Garrett.

“They probably went to a bar.” He whispered, putting his hands on my waist and pulling me back into him.

“Good.” I whispered as I kissed him, feeling the tingle back in my toes.

I couldn’t help but smile with every touch and every kiss he planted on my lips. Garrett was perfect. He was everything I could ever hope to need right now.