Let The Walls Break Down

John came back with what I asked him to and I immediately hugged him. “Are you okay?”

I tried to play it off. “I’m just emotional. I missed having you here. Just come lay down with me.” We went into the bedroom and I wrapped my arms around him as best as I could when we laid down.

“What’s wrong?” He finally asked after 5 minutes of snuggling.

“What makes you think anything is wrong?”

“Because I know you. Even when it’s your special time you don’t act like this. Tell me.”

“Maria can’t move in with us anymore.”

“That’s it?”

“No… She can’t move in with us because we need that extra room.”

He didn’t speak for a long time because he was looking at my face for the obvious answer. “I’m going to be a dad?” He said when he could finally speak.

“And I’m going to be a mom.” After a few minutes of celebratory kissing, I spoke again. “But we have to make a doctor’s appointment soon. To make sure everything is going okay.”

Later on that week, we went to the doctor’s office for my scheduled tests. I had to pee in a cup and get my blood drawn to see if I had any disease or diabetes or anything. The last couple of days, John and I visited baby and toddler stores and I decided I’d rather have a boy than a girl, but that really wasn’t up to me.

“Miss Richards,” the doctor said as he came back into the room, still looking at his clipboard. “How are we feeling?”

“Fine. Anxious.”

“Well, there’s no need for that…” He trailed off. “You said you came in here for your pregnancy and to take some checkup tests, correct?”

“Yes sir.”

“Well you’re doing just fine. I didn’t see any traces of diabetes or cancer. It also turns out that you are not pregnant.”

“How is that possible? I took a test…”

“Tests can’t always be accurate. I’m sorry about all of this.” He walked out and I actually felt like crying. I never thought I would cry that I wouldn’t have a child.

“At least we didn’t buy that crib we saw…” John said and walked in front of me, noticing the shock on my face. “Are you okay?”

“It feels like I lost a baby. But that’s crazy…it was never there.”

He walked over to me and put his hands on the sides of my legs. “This is just a way of saying that it wasn’t time. We will have a kid when it’s time. Always remember that it can be much worse than we’re making it right now.”

I hugged him gently. “Can we go home?” He nodded and kissed my forehead.

A few weeks passed by and it was Christmas again. We were at my parents’ house with the rest of The Maine and Pat’s family for my folks’ inaugural Arizona Christmas. We passed around presents and John and I pretty much just got stuff for our apartment. My mom got us Egyptian cotton sheets. She knows. At around three, everyone left to go spend Christmas with their own families, leaving John and I there alone with my parents. My dad was sitting in the chair facing us and he finally leaned forward like he was about to speak.

“So, how long have you guys been together now?” He asked.

“About a year and a half,” John said and held my hand.

“And how long have you been engaged?” John and I looked at each other and kind of had our own conversation in our minds, trying to figure out how he found out. “Your mother told me.”

I played with John’s fingers. “Exactly a year.”

“And when were you planning on telling me?”

“When we were ready to get married and actually start planning a wedding. And that’s a long time from now.”

He sat back in his chair and continued to look at us. The weird part was that he didn’t even look mad or anything. “Well, Holly… I’ve never seen you happier than you are when you’re with John, and that’s good. And John… I trust you that you will never hurt my daughter. You two are old enough to make your own decisions now and I guess what I’m trying to say is that I give you my blessing to get married, whenever that may be.”

I didn’t believe what I was hearing. I looked at John and he was smiling, so I lightly pulled his face towards mine and I kissed him on the cheek. Then I looked up and my mother was standing behind the couch holding mistletoe over us. “Give him a real kiss, Holly.”

I felt awkward kissing John in front of my parents, especially my dad, but I decided to just do it and execute it. I sat up and angled myself towards him and he put his hand on the side of my abdomen and my hand was cupped around his neck, then he kissed me.

-Two Days Later-

John and I were carrying boxes up to our second floor apartment and Maria followed closely behind.

“I hope this isn’t going to be so awkward that I can hear you two having sex through the walls,” she said and put down the box along with the others.

“Oh it will be extremely awkward. And that’s not the worst part. Just wait until we start having sex in the living room,” John said and got a water bottle out of the fridge. “You’d wish you would just hear us.”

Maria was about to sit on the couch, but when he said that, she quickly stopped and looked disgusted. “Oh my gosh! Can we get, like, a new couch or something?”

“What’s the point? It’ll just end up like that one.” I walked over to John and wrapped my arms around his waist and he looked pretty pleased about grossing Maria out.

“Okay… I’ll be at Eric’s most of the time, then.” She started pushing stacks of boxes back to her room. “What about the table? Is it contaminated?” She yelled.

“Nope. Sanitary. For now,” John yelled back.

“Oh my gosh! You’re supposed to eat there! You guys are disgusting!”

I laughed and hopped on the counter. “What are you talking about, John? We’ve never done anything in the living room.”

“I know.” He kissed me right below my ear. “But Maria doesn’t know that.”

A few weeks later, we were lounging around the house and Maria was at Eric’s house so the only sound that was heard was the TV. “Well I better start getting ready to go,” John said and stood up.

“Where are you going?”

“Eric wants me to go to the bar with him. Maria should be home soon.” He walked down the hall while I continued to watch TV and about 15 minutes later, Maria walks in the door.

“Honey! I’m home!” She said loudly and sat on the couch next to me. She leaned against me and John walked back in the room and kissed me.

“Bye, babe. I’ll be home later.”

“Party hearty,” I said as he walked out. “I know he’s 21, but I still haven’t gotten used to the idea of him drinking.”

“Be quiet, Mom. You fun sucker. Eric drinks too…it’s not like they’re doing something illegal. They’re doing something perfectly normal.”

Maria was right. I don’t know why I was making such a big deal about it. So midnight rolls around and he’s not home. Two hours later he’s still not home but I get a text. From Rian? What the hell does he want?

‘I’m sorry for everything. I don’t blame you if you don’t reply to this, but I just want to let you know how sorry I am.’

I thought deeply about not responding, but I wanted to. I was bored. ‘I’m over it now. Just don’t do it again.’

The truth was, I really was over it. And it felt good to admit that to myself. ‘:) How’s John?’

‘Wish I knew. He’s at the bar right now.’

‘Without you?’

‘I’m only 20… Besides drinking doesn’t interest me. And I like a little space from him once in a while.’

‘Ha. I forgot you were a baby.’

‘Excuse you! I’m only like a year and a half younger than you!

‘Still a baby :P’

‘Whatever. Go to sleep you’re bothering me.’

‘Bet you I’m not.’

He was right. He really wasn’t. And I hated that. ‘Yeah you’re not. But I wish you were.’

‘Aww! I love you too.’

‘Shut up Robert.’

I turned off my phone and went into my bedroom. I realized I really like talking to Rian, but that’s just him. He’s nice and everything at first, then he turns completely crazy and does things that piss me off. Who knows? Maybe things will really turn around for us this time. Maybe we can actually be friends. But I don’t know yet.

At four o’clock John finally poured himself into bed and tried to start making out with me but I pushed him away. “You smell like a bottle of Captain Morgan.”

“That’s funny. I was drinking Guinness.”

He tried kissing me again but I rolled over with my back to him. “No, John. Not tonight. Go brush your teeth.” He obeyed and came back to bed and put his arm around me.

“I love you so much Holly. Let’s get married and have a baby.”

“Okay, John. We’ll do that. Now go to sleep.”

“Okay. But I just want you to know I love you.”

“I love you too. Even if your speech is slurred.”

And for some reason, when I went to sleep all I thought about was Rian.