I'm Not Over You

“When were you going to tell me?” whispered the young woman, her makeup was running and her hair was in every direction because of her hand continually running through it.

The person that the question was directed at sighed heavily and stuffed his hands onto his jeans. This fueled the girl’s anger “When? When you were at the airport? Oh maybe never just leave me to wonder what the hell went wrong! Get out Kyle, you’re an asshole!”

The young man, Kyle’s face was somber, the usual sparkle in his eyes was gone and his soft lips were not upturned into the familiar smile or smirk. Kyle bit his lip knowing if he said anything it would sound like an excuse and Lily didn’t want to hear those, she had heard too many of those growing up.

Kyle gazed at the beautiful angel face he loved so dearly. Even with her makeup smeared her hair no longer held its usual volume it was matted sticking to her damp face. Kyle wanted to wrap his arms around her petite body, brush back her white blonde hair away from her face, and kiss her forehead while whispering sweet nothings to her all night long.

“I said get the fuck out.” Lily’s voice scared Kyle it was so emotionless and cold. Kyle knew what he had to do so he packed a small bag of necessities. However he didn’t leave before kissing Lily’s cheek and whispering his love for her. She didn’t believe him he wouldn’t be putting his life in danger by going to Iraq if he truly loved her.
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They had broken up over 4 months ago and still Lily was finding his stuff throughout the house. Although now her findings were lessening, but there was still stuff and she knew it. This is why she wasn’t thrilled about packing up her stuff to move across town.

She had just graduated college with an engineering degree in hand. She got a part time job at an engineering company while she worked for her Bachelor’s degree at University of Florida. Her roommate was moving to Virginia and Lily couldn’t afford this place by herself. She had no other choice but to move into a smaller, cheaper apartment across town.

Lily took a deep breath and put her hands on her hips staring at the mess that she called her closet. She turned up her radio it was advertising a Big Mac from McDonalds being delicious. Yeah if you like having heart attacks it was perfect, Lily chuckled at her own joke. Lily grabbed the trash bag and began the ugly process of cleaning.

Just as she was about done her phone rang. She ran turning down the radio on the way to picking it up while wiping the beads of sweat that had settled on her brow off. “Hello?” Lily asked she had forgotten to read the caller I.D. it could just be a toll free call. “Hey Lil it’s me.” Her best friend’s voice informed her. “Oh hey what’s up? Aren’t you at work?” Her best friend worked at a small diner during the day to pay for her night classes. “Yeah I just wanted to tell you that um…” “What is it Amy? “

Lily asked beginning to become worried. Amy was never nervous to tell anyone anything. She was the type of girl that goes up to the owner of the restaurant to tell them that their décor is tasteless in front of all the diners. “Kyleisbackandhewasshot.” Amy said too quickly so that all the words became one. “What? Amy talk slower please.” Lily said making a slow down gesture with her hand even though she knew Amy couldn’t see it. “Lily, Kyle is back and he is in wheelchair because he was shot in the leg.” Amy said. Lily didn’t respond she let the phone slip from her hand and drop on the floor with a loud bang. It startled Lily out of her stupor and she immediately picked it up.

"I’m sorry Amy I have to go now. Thanks for telling me.” Lily said hanging up the phone before Amy could even say a quick bye. Lily walked over to the couch and plopped down her wrapped her arms around her knees. All she was capable of thinking was “Kyle. Kyle. Kyle. Kyle. Kyle. Kyle. Kyle. Kyle. Kyle. Kyle. Kyle. Fuck this.”

Lily jumped up and ran to her closet turning up the radio again. She began cleaning it out rapidly fighting off the tears that were desperate to fall. The closet was done all the garbage was put into the large black trash bags and all the stuff going to the new house was neatly packed in boxes.

Her doorbell was ringing it was obnoxiously loud. She gathered her hair up into a messy ponytail while calling out “I’ll be right there.” She eased the door open. The first thing out of the mouth of the person was “Was your doorbell always that high?” The person’s mouth was upturned into all too familiar smirk, eyes glistened with amusement. Lily was shocked by the sudden appearance of this person. “Kyle? Your back?”

“Yeah and I came to apologize like I should have done that night.” When Kyle said that night his light green eyes turned dark and his smirk slipped off his face. Lily’s head tilted her head to the side and asked “Why are you in a wheelchair Kyle?” Lily regretted asking no matter how much Kyle had hurt her she had no right to be so rude.

Kyle looked into Lily’s eyes and she felt guilty for asking about Kyle’s handicap. Kyle smiled warmly at his angel “Don’t feel guilty Lily it’s kind of hard to avoid asking about.” Kyle could see all over Lily allowed her face show she was puzzled. Had she really thought I would forget her eyes show her emotions whether she wants them to or not? “Lily I saw it in your eyes. Did you really think I would forget?”

“Yes” Lily thought. “I don’t know I didn’t think about it too much.” Lily said impatiently. “Oh. Well can I come and tell you the story.” “Fine” Lily stated curtly. Kyle’s body slumping slightly didn’t unnoticed by Lily.

As they settled in the living room Kyle cleared his throat. “The war is as bad as everyone says it is. It was a mess and I got caught up in the mess. My unit was patrolling a small town nothing seemed particularly wrong. This was our mistake because none of us were prepared for the shots that started flying at us from the top of a tall mosque. I don’t remember a lot of what happened but, I was shot in back. The next thing I know I’m in a hospital laying flat on my stomach and the doctors telling me I can never walk again.”

Kyle had grown used to this story now he felt nothing as he retold it to everyone. His only worry ever was getting back Lily, if she would still have him. Lily was stunned by how this didn’t affect Kyle at all.

Kyle shook his head as if to rid himself of the thought. He ran his hand over his head it was no longer in the normal emo type hairstyle but cut short into a buzz cut. He missed his old hair although he admits he does enjoy the low maintenance of the buzz cut.

Kyle disrupted that had silence that fallen over the two. “Lily I’m sorry for how I went about me joining the Army and being deployed. I didn’t want to hurt you.” Lily almost laughed at this she had heard this before she didn’t want to hear it. Kyle showing up just reminded Lily how she was not over him.

Lily raised from her seat and strode over to the door and opened it. “Kyle it isn’t fair how you just showed up and expected me to take your bullshit excuses. You’re no better than my dad and his excuses why he never sent me a birthday card or why he never called. I want you out of my house please. I still have tons of packing to do.”

Kyle was astonished by Lily’s reaction he didn’t think his apology sounded like an excuse. “Lily I love you…” Lily put up her hand signaling him to stop talking. “Kyle, don’t remind me I’m not over it, yet but I will be. Please get the hell out of my apartment so I can continue with my packing.” Lily said with a harsh tone Kyle had heard only once before that was same tone she used when kicking him out last time. Kyle looked into her eyes they were so cold they made him shudder in terror. Kyle’s head dropped and he rolled out of the door and down the hall to the elevator without a single glance back he knew it was over between them.

Lily slammed the door shut her whole demeanor showed her relief. She returned to her bedroom and turned up to MAX her radio the radio was playing her favorite song “A Little Too Not Over You” by, David Archuleta. She laughed as she began finishing packing up her room.

"Oohhhh oh, oh..

It never crossed my mind at all.
It's what I tell myself.
What we had has come and gone.
You're better off with someone else.
It's for the best, I know it is.
But I see you.
Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside,
And I turn around.
You're with him now.
I just can't figure it out.

Tell me why you're so hard to forget.
Don't remind me, I'm not over it.
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth.
I'm just a little too not over you.
Not over you....

Memories, supposed to fade.
What's wrong with my heart?
Shake it off, let it go.
Didn't think it'd be this hard.
Should be strong, movin' on.
But I see you.
Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside.
And I turn around,
You're with him now.
I just can't figure it out.

Tell me why you're so hard to forget.
Don't remind me, I'm not over it.
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth.
I'm just a little too not over you.

Maybe I regret everything I said,
No way to take it all back, yeah...
Now I'm on my own..
How I let you go, I'll never understand.
I'll never understand, yeah, oohh..
Oohhh, oohhh, oohhhh..
Oohhh, ooohhhh, oohhh.

Tell me why you're so hard to forget.
Don't remind me, I'm not over it.
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth.
I'm just a little too not over you.

Tell me why you're so hard to forget.
Don't remind me, I'm not over it.
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth.
And I really don't know what to do.
I'm just a little too not over you.
Not over you, oohhh.."

Later, she was curled up in her bare bed the sheets and blankets were piled into the boxes stacked in the corner. Lily cried she wasn’t over her ex-boyfriend, Kyle but she would get there in time.