Holding Out for the Wishing Well

Kel lay on a real bed for the first time in her afterlife, though she wasn’t conscious to enjoy it; in fact, she wasn’t even aware that her bandage had been changed, her wound cleaned and medicated, or that Gerard sat next to her, trying to keep her reluctantly receding fever at bay with a wet washcloth.
“You knew, didn’t you?” Kobra Kid asked from where he leaned in the doorway, startling Gerard, though the older man didn’t show it. For a moment, Gerard pretended he hadn’t heard, contemplating how to respond.
“…Not at first.” He admitted, not looking at his brother. “But… I didn’t really believe it when I did know – she looked out for me. I don’t think she belongs here, Mikey.”
Mikey watched his brother for a long moment, silently evaluating the way his brother was so careful around this girl, like she might break, even though they were all already in Hell. He vanished as silently as he had appeared, leaving the two alone.
Gerard meanwhile, began talking to Kel as she lay there, asking if she would get better, telling her things would improve when she woke up, promising that she’d be okay. He had no idea if Kel could hear him, and he didn’t know if he wanted her to. Things were just spilling out of his mouth of their own accord, things like back when he was alive – the band, the guys, the Black Parade and his mission to save the world.
After what felt like an eternity, Gerard sighed, sitting back as he stared at Kel, wishing she’d responded in some way to anything he’d been saying. He glanced away, staring at the floor, but his gaze was drawn back to Kel by a slight movement.
Kel shifted slightly, wincing, before she forced her eyes open and looked around in wary confusion. Her gaze found Gerard, and her grey eyes hardened, narrowing slightly. He’d been the one who kept bringing her around to the Killjoys’ home. Hell, he’d probably gotten close to her on purpose, the better to take her out. Maybe he’d even been faking it, every time he’d needed saving.
“Don’t worry,” Gerard said softly, trying to not let the hard, accusatory look in Kel’s eyes get to him. “They’re not going to kill you.” He nodded to the doorway, indicating the rest of the Killjoys. Kel followed his glance for an instant, then went back to glaring at Gerard before nodding once in understanding, forcing herself to relax slightly, though Gerard noted that the ice in her eyes didn’t thaw. He got up with a sigh, knowing that Kel wouldn’t want him around at the moment. He’d just have to come back and explain himself later, so he shot her a tentative grin and left, closing the door behind him.
“Hey, Gee,” Fun Ghoul nodded at Gerard when he made his way to the kitchen, dragging his feet. “How’s the patient?”
“I don’t think she’s ever gonna forgive me, Frank.” Gerard shook his head as he leaned on the counter, staring blankly at the floor. “She thinks I set her up to get killed.”
“Ouch.” Frank sympathized, making a face as Jet Star wandered in. “Mikey went out on patrol.” He added, figuring Gerard would want to know where his little brother had run off to.
“Hopefully he won’t bring home someone on our hit list.” Jet Star muttered, making Gerard wince. Frank took the opportunity to throw one of the pretzels he’d been snacking on at Jet Star, where it lodged in the tall man’s afro.
Jet Star frowned at Frank, picking the pretzel out as he sat down at the table with him. “How old are we, again?”
“I dunno, Ray. Does it matter? We’re ageless in Hell!” Frank shouted, leaping from his chair to point at the ceiling, overzealous as usual. Ray eyed his short friend, wondering how best to sidetrack or scare the man as Gerard smiled, glad that some things never changed.
-
“Is this what you’ve been doing the entire time I’ve been gone?” Mikey asked, walking in on his brother and friends throwing pretzels at each other. Most of the kitchen had been covered, and Ray’s afro was studded with them.
“Well, not the whole time,” Frank grinned innocently. “We had to annoy each other, first.” He then bounced a pretzel off Mikey’s head, immediately bringing him into the war, which resumed with renewed intensity.
When the battle finally ended with everyone on the floor, laughing until they couldn’t breathe, Gerard realized he had no idea how long Kel had been left alone for. He glanced nervously at the guys, knowing that they’d disapprove of leaving her alone simply because she was awake – they would all assume she would try to escape. He surreptitiously crept out of the war zone kitchen, and headed up the stairs to his room.
-
“Really, Gerard?” Ray sighed, staring at the man sitting glumly on his bed. Gerard had panicked for a moment before fetching the others, unsure how to tell them that his room was empty. The window had been forced open, the shade drifting slightly on a soft breeze.
“Well, we have to figure out when she woke up, and then we’ll have an idea of how far she could have gotten.” Mikey rationalized. “We have to get her back; she knows too much about us.” He turned to his brother, hoping he would have some sort of news. “How did she look when you left her? Any chance of her waking up soon?”
Gerard shifted uncomfortably, still staring at the floor as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, um, she was awake when I left…?” he trailed off, glancing up at his little brother, knowing he’d be getting in trouble.
“Gerard, I’m going to yell at you later.”
-
Hours later, the four Killjoys had scoured the streets, searching for any sign of Kel. They’d managed to find a few places where something foul had leaked from beneath her bandage, oozing onto the cracked sidewalk, and a few places where the substance was smeared on the concrete where she had fallen. But Kel had, once again, vanished.
“I don’t think we’re going to find her.” Frank said softly when he stumbled across Ray as he searched high and low for the girl.
Ray sighed, shaking his head. “Well, it might be better that way.” He ran a hand through his afro, staring off into the city. “I think Mikey would want us to kill her if we found her, because we obviously can’t trust her. She’d probably rather die out here where she belongs than shot down by us.”
Frank shot his tall friend a sad look. “Y’know, it’s sad.” He took his turn to stare blindly off into wherever his mind was taking him as Ray glanced at him curiously. “I guess it’s true, even in Hell, there ain’t no rest for the wicked.”
Ray didn’t respond before he moved off to continue searching, his effort halfhearted. If they found and killed Kel, it would be over quicker for the girl, but Gerard would never forgive them. If they didn’t find her, Gerard could pretend she made it out okay and be happy, while the rest of the constantly watched over their shoulder for an attack by someone with too much information. If they found her dead…. Ray shook his head to clear away the thoughts, wishing life was simple again.
-
“I don’t think we have to search anymore.” Mikey said when the Killjoys finally dragged themselves back to the house. “She can’t have avoided making enemies out here, so I doubt they’d miss their chance to take her out. If they haven’t killed her already, the infection will.” He wouldn’t look at Gerard as he spoke, knowing that it was hard for his brother. He was ashamed of himself when he wished that Gerard would try to stay away from people like her, realizing that Gerard was the only one to have found someone worthwhile in Hell.
Frank and Ray were nodding in agreement with Mikey’s words, but Gerard just stared glumly at the table, trying to let the thought sink in. Kel is dead. It seemed to float on the surface of his mind, oil on water, refusing to dissipate or sink. He couldn’t get rid of the thought, get around it, ignore it, nothing. Kel’s dead. And every time he thought it, there was a sharp tug of pain in his chest. Dead. Closing his eyes, Gerard rested his elbows on the table the Killjoys were sitting at and buried his face in his hands, trying to hide from the thoughts.
Gerard continued like that for days, not giving more than one word responses, less if he could grunt and still make his point known. He was dazed, unable to understand why he was so upset over Kel being dead. Sure, they’d been friends, and yeah, maybe he’d nursed a small, stupid crush on her, but why couldn’t he move on? There’d been nothing real between them, nothing solid. Then what kept us going back for more?
The other Killjoys watched as Gerard faded, sinking into himself. There was nothing they could do as he went on more and more patrols, spending longer and longer away from the house. It got to the point where they had no idea when he was home anymore; he’d taken to sneaking in and just staying in his room when he returned before sneaking back out. There was no pattern, no rhyme or reason.
-
With a sigh, Gerard snuck out of the house again, feeling restless. There was somewhere he had to be, and it wasn’t his room. He’d been feeling like that for days now, knowing that he had to find what he was looking for. In a desperate plea for answers, he glanced skyward, and realized that the green sun was beginning to set in the scarlet sky. One more time, then never again. he promised himself thought, already following a familiar route; he had never patrolled that way, knowing it wasn’t right, but he had traveled that way many times before. As he walked, he shed his mask, tucking it into his pocket, glad he’d worn his ancient Black Parade jacket. It felt like an old friend, a solid presence on his shoulders guiding him along, marking him as harmless to everyone he passed.
As he walked, Gerard found himself glancing up at the sky, speeding up every now and then as the sun oozed closer and closer to the horizon. He didn’t know why it was suddenly so important, but he knew he had to watch the sun set from the secret place he used to go. Just one last time, so he could say goodbye. In a sad way, Gerard realized, he was sending Kel off with the setting sun. He would let go, and let her rest in peace, wherever she was now.
Gerard passed the building where the stars came out to play, faintly hearing a song he recognized from the day he’d found Kel in the alley and taken her home.
“Climb to the roof to watch the drag race sunset beneath the power lines / It’s cars first, it’s dust tonight before the vampires come alive / And she’s screaming, “Wake up! / Isn’t anyone else getting fed up / Holding out for the wishing well to pull us from the wreck?”…” He only vaguely recognized the voice singing from the classic rock stations he used to listen to in his car sometimes, but he didn’t really feel the need to know who was playing that night. He just knew that it wasn’t Elvis or Kurt Cobain.
Gerard pressed on, part of one line of the song playing over and over in his head as he found the right building, scaling the fire escape almost as soon as he set eyes on it. Climb to the roof to watch the drag race sunset… He didn’t know why it was so important to him, or why hearing that song made it seem like he was so surely on the right track, but he knew he needed to get onto the roof before the sun set. The vividly green orb was already kissing the tips of the buildings as he rushed up the rusted fire escape, finally falling onto the roof when he ran out of ladder. Climb to the roof… He looked around, then walked quickly to the lone shack sitting dark and abandoned just off center of the roof. He made it to the top of the building, a fleeting feeling of disappointment sweeping through him when he saw that this roof was as desolately abandoned as the first. He forgot about it, however, when he glanced up and saw the colors in the sky. …To watch the drag race sunset… Gerard slowly moved to the edge of the roof, sitting down to let his feet hang off into space as he watched the sun sink deeper and deeper into the skyline, dying the sky with colors he hadn’t even been able to imagine on Earth, colors any artist would kill to preserve on paper.
He sighed as the sun glowed its brightest green, knowing that there was only moments left for him to enjoy the phenomenon, to say goodbye to Kel. Gerard fixed his eyes on the horizon, wondering how to say goodbye to someone who was already gone, someone who wouldn’t want a goodbye from him, anyway. He was so lost in thought, he didn’t hear the tentative, light steps crossing the roof behind him, the way the paused sporadically, until a figure sat down next to him.
Gerard and Kel didn’t look at each other, didn’t say anything, didn’t even react to each other as they sat side-by-side. The two simply watched the sun sink lower and lower beneath the skyline.
“…I’m sorry.” Gerard said softly, looking down when the sun was finally gone.
Kel sighed, staring down the side of the building, inviting vertigo she knew would never come. “No, I should be. I should have stayed away from you. I should have known when you didn’t stay away from me.”
“Kel, can’t you just come back with me?” Gerard asked. Though she looked better, he wasn’t sure he could trust her on that one. “The guys won’t hurt you.”
Kel finally met Gerard’s gaze, her grey eyes bleak over her bitter smile. “You know as well as I do what will happen.”
Gerard sighed, but didn’t reply, trying to convince her silently, ordering, bargaining, pleading with his own hazel eyes as Kel’s grey gaze remained steady. The two slowly leaned closer, trying to say so many things that defied spoken words. They found their eyes closing as they got closer, until their lips actually met.
Gerard and Kel kissed, knowing it was wrong but knowing it had to happen. They didn’t cling to each other, didn’t try to hold on to their moment, they simply kissed and broke apart.
Gerard shot Kel another pleading look, silently asking her to stay, but Kel just smiled sadly and shook her head.
“We won’t work, Killjoy.” Kel smiled crookedly, but Gerard knew that this was killing her, too. Kel stood up, rolling the kinks out of her shoulders before starting off in the direction of the fire escape.
“Where’re you going?” Gerard asked, trying to hold on for as long as he could, no matter how childish it was.
“I think it’s time to find out what’s outside the city limits.” Kel said, staring off into the quickly fading final lights of day, the powder blue moon already rising at her back, it’s smaller, faintly yellow-ish twin close behind in the dark sky.
Gerard got to his feet, meaning to voice something important, but the words faded from his mind when he stood and found that Kel was already gone.