I Need Somebody To Love Me

If the heart is always searching, can it ever find a home? I've been looking for that someone; I'll never make it on my own. I need somebody to love me.

I cry, stumbling upstairs. My cheeks burn from the slaps. My stomach churns from the kicks and punches. My eyes and head hurt from crying. My heart hurts because of love. I remember those words. "You're nothing but a worthless slut. Go sell yourself and then maybe you'll be of some use. Nobody wants you."

And the worst part is, this is all true. I storm over to the side table, opening the drawer that holds my two most prized possessions. My camera....and a stainless steel razor. I pull the razor out of it's paper packet, fumbling and cutting my fingertips.

I eye it, looking down the sharp, metal blade. Sunlight gleams off the edge of the blade, reflecting on my wall. I hold up my wrist, pressing the razor against the skin of my upper arm. I then rake it down my arm and wait. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. The cut slowly opened up and I can see blood.

Tears blurring my vision, I try again. And again. And again. My arm is covered with cuts when I finally disappear into the bathroom and grab a paper napkin, pressing it against my scarred arm and letting the blood seep in. I crumple it up and stuff it at the bottom of the trash can. I fling myself onto my bed, letting the tears and blood seep into my pillow.

All I want is somebody to love me, that's all I want. Is that too much to ask for?, I cry. But apparently it is. Because I never got the only thing i wanted, the only thing I needed. All I need is somebody to love me.