Falling in Reverse

I pulled my knees up to my chest, small sniffles spluttering emitting from me.

"Ssh, Elijah," Pat cooed, wrapping his bony arm around me, "Don't worry, the guys are gonna find them before anything happens."

"I-it's all my fault!" I cried, wiping my eyes, "I shouldn't h-have-"

"It's not you fault." Pat stated firmly, shaking his head. "We all can tell John's been an ass lately. That's not your fault. He probably needs to get laid or whatever."

"Or whatever." Garrett shrugged, "He's not been the best go to man when it comes to writing lyrics either."

"Don't be so selfish!" Pat huffed. "John obviously has something going on in his life."

"Well, Pat." Garrett sighed. "He's obviously told Kennedy a little about it. It isn't like we're going to cut a bitch if he's having issues."

"What makes you think that?!" Pat exclaimed. "Did you see how angry and vicious they looked?! I swear, John only needed foam to pass for a rabid dog."

"That doesn't mean Kennedy doesn't know what's up."

"Or what's down..." Pat giggled. "Sorry. That's not funny."

Silence.

We all three seemed to share glances, our faces immediately breaking out in wide grins. Garrett was the first one to break the silence.

"You're right." He nodded, "It's fucking hilarious!"

"Oh god, it is." Pat moaned, holding his stomach. "I can't f-fucking breath!"

I erupted in fits of giggles, attempting to desperately cover my mouth. "W-what do y-you think Kennedy m-meant when he said s-sex issues."

"Maybe John can't get it up." Garrett snickered

"It's even funnier when you say it out loud!" Pat grinned

"I-it's not funny!" I stammered between breaths, "It's n-not s-something you c-can help!"

"You know." Garrett began, holding his chest, "I never once thought it would be John with the dick issues."

"Me either." Pat sighed, "I was always betting on you or Tim."

"I know, right?" Garrett paused, "Wait- what?"

Pat smile sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. "Well, y'know? You guys hardly ever get laid. And trust me, if you do, you're not very good at it. I never hear anything."

"You listen to me have sex?!"

"I just notice." Pat shrugged innocently, "I'm just saying John's the one to usually have hot amazing steamy sex."

"Maybe he-"

The door quickly slammed open, a disgruntled Tim and Jared trudging in. I sucked in a deep breath, gnawing on my finger nails as I realized neither Kennedy or John was behind them.

"Where are they?" I questioned, trying to hold in the shaky breaths beginning to already form.

"No clue." Tim muttered. "We asked Max and most of the crew if they've seen them running around."

"What about Vito?" Garrett inquired

"He said he saw them running off the bus." Jared sighed, "But after that they vanished."

"They'll come back.." Pat trailed off. "Right? I mean, it's not like they're running off or whatever."

"Oh yeah, no worries about that." Tim quickly shook his head. "We're just worried about a fan or someone else finding them before us. How bad would it look for you to see the singer and guitarist of your favorite band throwing punches?"

"They're smart enough-"

"Do you think John was smart when he tried to make a move on Elijah?!" Tim snapped, "That was so damn idiotic! You don't just go around trying to rape someone 'cause you can't get it up!"

I glanced at Pat, my breathe coming short at the sight of his bottom lip quavering. I guess Tim usually doesn't snap at him..

"Maybe it's more than that." Jared offered, "John's not the type of person to make such rash decisions. Especially when it comes to the band and shit."

"He's think with his dick, not his head." Tim grumbled, gripping the arm rest. "We need to find them!"

"Hold on a second." Garrett raised his hand. "You guys are blaming this all on John. How do you think Kennedy comes in at?'

"Maybe he's a concerned friend." Pat shrugged, still shell shocked from Tim's sharp words.

"I'm still as clueless as ever." Jared rubbed his forehead, "I've never seen Kennedy so upset and angry at John."

"Same here..." Pat muttered

I hugged my knees closer, leaning my head against them. This is all my fault. If anything happens to this band I'm the one to blame. They're going to hate me!

"What do you think happened?"

I raised my gaze, my eyes locking with Jared's concerned expression. Realization seemed to hit my all at one. He was talking to me..

"I have no clue." I shrugged, "Kennedy doesn't tell me everything."

"What has he told you?" Tim questioned, peering down at me. "We could use about anything right now."

"Nothing, really." I fiddled with my thumbs, glancing down

I tried to ignore how quiet the bus got. Ignore the feeling of eyes boring into my skull. Right then, I knew they suspected something was up. They'll end up asking questions and Kennedy will know it was my fault.

"You know you can tell us anything, right?" Jared spoke, placing his hand on my shoulder, "It doesn't matter if we're friends with Kennedy. We can be your friend too."

Oh my God! What the hell possessed him to say such a thing? How did he know that's exactly what I needed to hear? I still can't tell them. No. I can't. Things would change. They might not even like Kennedy anymore!

It isn't everyday you're told your guitarist threatens his so called 'brother.' As if. We're far from brothers. If anything, he hates my guts. My very existence. He blames me for Adam's death and I'm finally starting to believe him.

I could've said no. Adam would've lived. He would be here today. I wouldn't be in such a fucked up mess. ...But do I want that? Would I change my life to have Adam back?

I can't answer that. Adam didn't want to live. How can you bring someone back when they don't want life? And what about Kennedy...

He wouldn't have to think twice about taking Adam back as a best friend and having me return to being his best friends little brother. That's what hurts the most.

Knowing that even through everything we've been through together, the tears, yells, fights, slaps, kicks, hugs, kisses, he would trade it in. He wouldn't give me a second thought.

But I have to listen to him. He has good intentions for me. He does. I know it. He wouldn't purposely hurt me, Adam's little brother. He looks out for me and makes sure I'm okay.

I mean, he didn't have to save me from John. That was his choice. But deep down, I know he loves me. He does. That's what I'm waiting for. For him to finally admit that it's time to move on from Adam and realize I've been here the whole time.

I have to wait. I have to. I remember like it was just yesterday when Adam looked up at me, ignoring the nurses as the stuck tubes into his nose.

His eyes were clear, his face expressionless as he began to speak, "Elijah. You k-know this is it.... And I don't w-want you to cry. I need you to be s-strong, okay? For m-me. Do it for me a-and Kennedy. He's g-going to n-need you now. And I-I-I..."

I remember the way his grip loosened around my hand, his eyes shutting as the sleep medicine finally jumped into action.

"Elijah! Earth to Eli!"

I snapped out of my thoughts, cringing back at the closeness Pat put between us. I wrinkled my nose up, causing him to snicker.

"You zoned out." He shrugged, "The guys left to search for the fuck ups. Do you wanna go get some food? I'm starving."

"Sure." I nodded, hesitantly rising to my feet. "But what if they come back to the bus and no one is here?"

"Then they'll be here alone." He bite his lip, "Er, oh! Vito's here. Well, outside anyways. They'll be fine."

"You sure?" I raised an eyebrow

"Don't worry your pretty head of, Elijah." He grabbed my hand, "Let's go get some food! My stomach is like a black hole!"

I glanced at Pat, marveling at how it took alot to bring him down. He turned towards me, winking playfully.

I scoffed, crossing my arms. "What was that?"

"Take it however you want." He smirked, purposely swaying his hips. "I'm joking, don't freak out. I'm not trying to seduce you or anything. Kennedy would be on my ass if he knew I was turning into John."

"It's fine." I waved it off. "I've been around you enough to know how you are."

He shot me a grin, beginning to frantically motion ahead, "Oh oh oh! Look! There's a Krystals!"

I glanced across the road, my eyebrows furrowing in disbelief, "That's kinda far..."

"So?" He raised his eyebrows, digging in his pockets, "Here, take this change and go behind the stage. The can drinks are cheaper in cans."

"Cheapskate." I teased, folding the bills in my head, "I'm just gonna get eight drinks. Is that enough?"

"Oh yeah, whatever." He bounced on heels, "First come first serve."

I sighed and pushed up the sleeves of my shirt, beginning to trot in the darkness of the stage. I shivered and crossed my arms, sighing.

"Fucking Pat." I muttered, "Why is it so fucking dark behind here?!"

I peered up at the lights, my hand beginning to grope the stage wall for a light switch. I frowned when I came up empty handed.

"How the hell am I suppose to find the damn machine?!"

I stumbled into the shadows, my eyes scanning for the fucking Pepsi machine. My eyes lit up in recognition as a dim light began flickering, reflecting on the all too famous Pepsi cans that littered the floor.

"Success!" I pumped my fist, jogging towards it.

"Mhmm."

I froze, immediately sucking in my bottom lip. Oh fucking great. I'm going to be kidnapped and raped and skinned alive! My body parts will be sent individually back home and it'll cause-

"J-John."

The hairs on the back of my neck instantly stood straight up, my tongue darting out to wet my lips. That sounded an awful lot like...

"Oh, God." A groan sounded, "K-Kennedy. You're so fucking t-tight."

My hands began shaking. My vision was blurry. I couldn't see straight. This is some sick joke, right? They're just fucking with me, right?

"I bet you like that, don't you'?" Kennedy grunted, "F-faster John."

Oh my fucking god! Please tell me I'm hearing things. Please fucking tell me I'm going crazy! Please fucking tell me anything!

I gulped, slowly edging to peek around the corner. My eyes widened in horror at the mere sight of John slamming his hips back down, roughly connecting with Kennedy's.

I swallowed heavily as my eyes started tearing up, narrowing in on Kennedy's ecstatic expression. His mouth hung open, small pants managing to leave his lips.

"Harder." He moaned, fingernails digging into John's shoulder bladed, "Oh, God! Right t-her!"

I sniffled, stumbling back to only hit the wall. It immediately got quiet, the slapping sound freezing all at one.

"Fuck!" John hissed, jerking out of Kennedy

"What the fuck is your problem?" Kennedy muttered, hastily buckling his pants

"Get him before he fucking runs off!" John snapped, shoving Kennedy's shoulder

I gazed down at the floor, my eyes piercing a hole through my worn out sneakers. I can't believe it. I can't fucking believe it!

What the hell is wrong with Kennedy?! I thought he loved me! He was protective of me! He tells me what to do and how to do it! He rules my life but he thinks it's okay to go and fuck John?!

T-that's. Well. There's nothing I can do... He's not mine anymore in any way, form, or fashion. Who am I kidding? He's never been mine to call. Never.

His finger lifted my chin, his brown orbs gazing down at me, "Don't cry." He murmured, weaving his arm around my waist.

"Don't touch me!" I yelped, jerking from his grip, "Get your filthy hands off of me!"

His expressions seem to crumple, his adams apple bobbing up and down, "Elijah- dammit. You have to-"

"I don't have to do anything!" I crossed my arms, "Leave me the hell alone! T-this is some f-fucking bullshit!"

"Please-"

"Have you been fucking him this whole time?!" I shrieked, slapping at his chest, "You're nothing but a douche! You're a fucking hypocrite, just like he said!"

"You shouldn't-"

"You're just another fucking sleazy whore!" I ranted, "Do you know how fucking upset Adam would get if he was alive? You're such a disgrace to-"

"Hey!" He snapped, shoving me backwards, "Don't even fucking go there! Stop throwing a bitch fit! Get over your pathetic crush, yeah?"

I blinked back tears, his words cutting deeper than any punch could ever. After stuffing my hand in my pocket, I thrusted the money in his palm.

"T-there!" I stammered, "Take the damn money and get some f-fucking drinks!"

I spun around, quickly running in the opposite direction. The only thing audible was my feet making contact with the ground and the sound of Kennedy's sigh.

"This isn't over!" He called after me, "You can't run from everything!"

I can sure as hell try.