I Ain't Waiting For The World To Change

„Calm down,“ I told my dog, who was quiet nervous today. I had to admit I was jumpy today too and a big smile was plastered on my face. I just came back from my family after seeing them for two weeks. It was a day before New Years Eve and I really missed my man! We're around 24/7 and it feels odd having him not seen for such a long time.

I opened Johnny's door and as I saw the vehicles outside I assumed at least Matt and Zacky were also there. Nap ran into the house and I could hear him and Peanut greeting each other. “Who missed me?” I yelled and walked into the house. Alright, no answer is also an answer. “Anbody's here?” I asked confused when I saw nobody in the living room. I mean they knew I would arrive today. I was a bit down and searched the whole house. I ended up in the living room again. They have to be here! And then it hit me that I haven't searched in the home cinema.

“Thanks, for greeting me,” I said when I opened the door and felt like I was on a battle field. The volume of the game they were playing was so loud, that I had to yell, but they didn't seem to notice me. This was getting kind of frustrating! Great, if nobody would take notice of me, I would take a beer, I thought and went to the fridge and opened it, got out a beer and opened this one. I don't know how, but I think Johnny has these super senses when it comes to beer. He couldn't hear me when I entered and yelled, but his head turned around when I open a beer?

“Babe,” he yelled and jumped over his sofa towards me and almost tackled me down. I spilled most of the beer but he didn't seem to mind which wondered me. He attacked my lips and I pulled him closer to me – didn't want to let him go.

“I missed you,” he mumbled without leaving my lips once.

“Yeah? I'm here for fifteen minutes and had to search the whole house,” I said and tried to play mad, but when I saw in his smiling face I couldn't stay mad! He so had me with his smile!

“Hey Kay,” I heard Zacky say and Matt screamed something about defense and stuff like that.

“I feel so loved,” I said and buried my head in Johnny's neck. “I make up for it,” Johnny promised and before I knew it he had me picked up bridal style. I squealed a bit because I hadn't suspected him to do that.

“Let yourself out, guys. I'm busy 'cause I haven't seen my girl for a long time,” he said and walked towards the door. As he couldn't open the door I did that for him and he walked upstairs with me.

“You sure, we should do that while they're here?” I asked.

“Babe, I haven't heard you calling while you were here, so why bother?” he asked and walked further until we were in his bedroom. He kicked the door with his feet and sat me down on his bed before he bent down and kissed me again so I fell backwards with him on top of me.

“Have I told you, that I missed you?” he said between kisses he placed on my jawline.

“Yeah, but I could hear it more often,” I said and my arms trailed down his. I have missed him so much, it surprised me.

“Kay, I have something to tell you,” he said and stopped his kisses. He looked into my eyes and I stopped rubbing his arms.

“Shoot,” I said a bit afraid. I mean he interrupted something which would go further to sex, this had to be something serious.

“I.. uh.. wanted to tell you before, but I chickened out every time. And when you were away I realized I have to tell you, that... Iloveyou,” he mumbled the last part but I understood. He looked at me like a deer caught in the light. I chuckled lightly and cupped his head with my hands. “I love you, too,” I said and looked in his amazingly brown eyes. And with that he couldn't hold himself any longer. Yeah, you heard right. I, Kimberley Emma Aldrin, love Jonathan Lewis Seward. I have known this for a while now, but it was the same as with him. I didn't have the courage to tell him that.

“I'm going showering, babe,” Johnny said after we laid in bed for a while.

“I'll make something to eat, I'm starving,” I announced and kissed his lips softly before I pulled a shirt of him over and walked down the stairs in the kitchen. I looked through the cupboards and didn't find anything good so I decided to put some waffles in the toaster. The dogs were around my feet so I decided to also give them their dinner. After that I heard that the fridge was opened and turned around. But instead of Johnny, Matt stood there.

“You're still here?” I asked confused. I looked at the clock and was pretty sure that we had spent some hours upstairs.

“Yeah, how was your vacation?” he asked and sat down.

“It was good, but I have missed my guys,” I said and grabbed the waffles when they popped out of the toaster.

“Us or someone special,” he winked and grabbed one of my waffles.

“I missed you all, but someone a bit more,” I admitted. “How's Gates going?” Brian and Michelle were on vacation over New Year – they wanted to spent some time alone.

“He's good. Oh, before I forget... We have to be at an Award Show in January. We play a song and have also to be in the audience, we're nominated.” I nodded. “So, I think I'll grab Zacky and go home now. See you tomorrow,” he said and walked downstairs. “Oh and I missed you too, Kay,” he yelled over his back and disappeared.

-x-

I could hear the music from inside. Yeah, Johnny and I were a bit late 'cause we have been busy. Before I could ring the bell or something like that Johnny opened the door and walked inside of Matt and Val's house. Johnny gave me a kiss and disappeared. I looked around and saw a female standing alone. She looked a little bit out of place and when I stepped nearer I noticed that it was Jess.

“Hey,” I said and she noticed me. A slight smile appeared on her face.

“Hey Kay,” she said and I opened my arms to hug her lightly.

“Nice seeing you again. Where's JB?” I asked.

She shrugged her shoulders. “I dunno. He said he would be right back, but that was at least fifteen minutes ago.”

“I'll take you with me. Want something to drink?” I asked her and after a light nodding of her I took her to the kitchen where I found Val and Gena. “Hey girls,” I said and soon the both of them hugged me. I haven't seen them what felt like forever. “Oh this is Jess, Jess these are Val and Gena. Jess is here with JB, but he kind of disappeared and so I picked her up.”

“Hey, nice meeting you,” Val said kindly and asked her what she wanted to drink.

“So, Kim...,” Gena said and I looked curious at her. “Some bird told me the L-bomb had been dropped,” she grinned.

“Uh.. could be true,” I murmured.

“When?” Val asked excited and handed Jess her drink.

“Yesterday?”

“Give me my money, woman,” Gena said and hold out her hand. Val grabbed in her pocket and I thought I saw 50 bucks changing her owner.

“You had a bet?” I asked and didn't know what to say.

“Who said it first,” Val asked interested. “Oh no, I won't tell you,” I said when I realized that they had another bet. Could this woman be crazier?

We stood a little bit in the kitchen and learned more about JB's new girl when spoken one came in and took her attention. It didn't take long for Matt and Zacky to find their women also, so I decided to search for Johnny. I left the kitchen and walked through the living room. As I didn't see him there I walked further and stood outside. I searched for him in the garden until I saw a figure at the back of the garden and was pretty sure it had to be Johnny. I walked nearer, but stopped, when I heard his voice.

“...sometimes I think it would be easier if I follow you, Jimmy. You left us here alone and disappeared, you disappeared forever. I think I can't handle this anymore,” he paused and I swallowed hard. This got Johnny's attention and he turned around. I saw the look of guilt in his eyes. I cleared my throat before speaking up. “You really meant what you said?” It took a while but finally he nodded.

“So, if that's what you think then don't bother your time spending with me. I have been through some of this shit and I can't handle it once more. I can't believe you're so selfish and don't think about the people who are here that love you. What about the guys? You want them to go through it again? Your brother? Your mother? ME? Really, I thought you were smarter, but I guess I was wrong again,” I said and I noticed that there were tears which almost escaped my eyes. He didn't say a thing. And I think this hurt the most – he didn't even try to explain something or told me I got him wrong. Nothing. “Okay, if that's what you really want then,” I said and turned around. I walked through the garden and stepped on the street. On the outside were some people, but I managed to get past them without them noticing me. I wasn't in the mood to talk to someone right now, I just wanted to be alone.

It hurt so much and I tried to hold back my tears – at least until I was home. But I failed. I tried avoiding the people who enjoyed their night and started their party on the street. I was glad my way wasn't that long. Finally I reached my more known apartment and walked through the halls until I arrived at my door. I fumbled in my pants and grabbed my key and quickly closed the door behind me. Now I couldn't hold the massive river which went down from my eyes. I slid down at the door and sobbed. I saw my dog peeking through the corridor and clapped my hands and he came towards me. He put his huge head in my lap and laid down. I petted him and sobbed. “I don't know, why he would say something stupid like that.” I told my dog and he raised his head and looked right into my eyes. “How can I face him now, after he said that? How should I be with him again on tour or even play in a band with him?” I asked desperately. Nap bent forward and pressed his wet nose against my lips and I chuckled lightly. “You won't turn against me, or?” I asked and pressed myself against his warm body.

I was sitting there until I couldn't feel my ass anymore. I got up and at that moment the fireworks outside started to explode. I could hear the people wishing the other ones a happy new year and I sighed. “Happy new year, Nap,” I said and bent down to press a kiss to his head while he pressed his nose against my thigh. “Come on, you've been a good boy,” I said and walked towards the kitchen and opened my cupboard and grabbed the tidbit for him. I gave him some and watched him, while he happily ate them. I grabbed my phone from my pants and looked at them, realizing no one had called me.

And there it was again, this feeling in my chest which kept me from breathing normally. Why didn't he even call me? Was this all a lie and he didn't mean what he had said to me yesterday? “Fuck you, Johnny,” I yelled and Nap jumped surprised by my loud voice. “I'm sorry,” I mumbled and walked towards my bedroom. I got out of my clothes, put my phone on the nightstand and crawled into my bed. Nap watched me from the door. “Come on, today you're allowed to sleep in my bed, big baby,” I said and scoot over. He walked towards me and breathed in my face when he laid down. “Okay, but don't breath in my direction,” I said and turned his head a bit.

I was woken up by a loud noise. I opened my eyes and blinked a few times until I could make out the shapes of my dark room. I looked at my phone and saw it was not quite 4 am when the noise came again. I realized it was the doorbell. I got up and walked up through the dark doorway. I opened the door and was soon greeted by a pair of arms. “You okay? We tried to call you, but the lines are dead. We didn't know what had happen until the guys had found Johnny. They wanted to come, but we told them, we would go here. Are you okay?” I heard a female voice and it took me a while to recognize Val.

When she finished her monologue the memories came back and I hugged her back. I looked over her shoulder and saw two more people standing in the bright hallway. “What are you all doin' here?” I asked confused.

“Looking if you're okay,” Gena said and got past Val and me and walked into my kitchen. “Come on in,” I said to Jess and walked a few steps backwards. “I feel bad, I keep you from your beloved ones,” I said and closed the door after they had stepped in.

“Balderdash! Sit down and talk to us,” said Gena who came into the living room with a huge ice cream bucket in her hands. Finally we were all sitting on the couch, I had the bucket in my lap and every now and then the girls put their spoon in it and took some ice cream. There was this silence until Gena told me to talk to them already.

“So, what do you know?” I asked and looked at Val.

“Well it was shortly after midnight when we couldn't find you. We thought you may… celebrate on your own way. But then we saw Johnny in the garden – alone. So I saw Matt walking towards him and then I heard Matt yelling at Johnny and we got curious and got closer. Well he didn't really say anything just that he’s fucked up and you're gone and he didn't know where you went.”

“Okay,” I said and stared at the ice cream in front of me which started to liquefy.

“Hun, what happened?” Val asked and grabbed my hand. Jess took the bucket and put it on the table and when they all looked at me I finally told them what had happened.

“I thought we had left that behind,” I thought I heard Val say.

“What?” I asked confused.

“See, we had to look out for him after Jimmy had died. He had drunken so much and we were really worried about him, 'cause when he was drunk he talked about following Jimmy. But things got better when... well when you got on the screen and he was his old self after you two finally hit it off.”

“He wasn't drunk when I heard him say that. And he didn't even call me. He didn't explain anything he just stared at me like it doesn't matter what I would do, if I would leave him or not. You know, I can't go through this shit again. I know that this time I won't heal from the pain and to protect myself I went away. And he didn't even asked me if I would stop and stay with him,” I explained and even if I hate crying in front of other people some tears escaped my eyes.

“So, if not now when then?” Jess asked and pulled two bottles of champagne out of her bag. “Hope, it was okay that I grabbed them, but I thought, we need them today,” she asked guilty.

“You were completely right,” Val grabbed one of the bottles and opened it, while most of the liquor was spilled over my floor and couch. “Oooops, I'm sorry, hun,” she said, but chuckled.

“Okay, how much did you drink before you came here?” I asked suspicious and went to grab the cleaning towel.

“Not that much,” Jess chuckled and then I heard Jimmy singing 'Fiction'. “Uhh, my phone,” Jess exclaimed excited.

“What about picking up?” I asked amused.

“Oh, yeah,” she said and blushed before answering the phone. In the meantime I grabbed some glasses and filled them, while we listened to Jess who was obviously talking to JB.

“...No, you don't need to pick me up... fine, I'll call you,” she sighed and put the phone on the table.

“Are you two a thing?” Gena asked while she gave everyone a glass.

“I think so. It's not like we're in preschool and I get a paper and have to cross if I'll be his girlfriend.” She said that so serious I laughed my ass off. And then I thought about Johnny and I finally becoming a couple. They must have noticed my mood change.

“Hey, shower heads are not that bad,” Jess said randomly and I cracked a smile while Gena and Val looked shocked at her. “And maybe Jason had mentioned that Johnny has a blue eye now,” she mumbled.

“Matt,” Val sighed.

“Why does every men have to solve problems with violence? Even if it's not their business?” I sighed.

“Who knows?” they all sighed.

We just sat there and talked – well it was more like trashing – until there was a light knock on the door.

“You expect someone else?” I asked, but they just shook their heads. I rose and that time I looked before opening my door. In front of me stood JB.

“Hey,” he said and looked at me like he felt guilty or something like that.

“You okay?” I finally asked after an awkward minute of silence.

“Yeah, what about you?” I just nodded and took a step aside so he could enter my apartment. It didn't take long before Zacky and Matt also arrived. They tried to hold some distance to their woman, I noticed.

“Guys, please don't act this way. I'm okay and I know you don't see your woman as often as you wish, so please don't act like they're not sitting next to you,” I finally said. “I'll grab some more stuff,” I said and took some empty bottles and went into my kitchen. I put the bottle on the board and closed my eyes. I sighed loudly and took a deep breath. “Come here,” I heard a deep voice and turned around to meet Matt's chest. His arms wrapped around me and I began to cry.

“Why didn't he even say anything?” I just said and cried harder.