I Ain't Waiting For The World To Change

I woke up, because there was an unpleasant traction in my stomach region. I knew exactly what this meant. I got out of bed and sprinted in the bathroom, knowing my beauty suitcase was still in the bath. I rushed in without looking right or left. I stopped because there stood a half naked Johnny in front of the mirror.

“I need the bathroom. Now!”
“Jesus Christ!” he exclaimed. He looked at my direction and I saw a red line streaming down his head. “You scared me to death.” He was still glaring at me. I rummaged in my suitcase until I found an applicator tampon. I stood there, my ass outstretched as I realized I was only wearing hot pants and a bra. I hadn’t even changed when I went to bed, but why hadn’t I undressed my bra? I never sleep with! But my stomach reminded me, that this wasn’t the time to think about it.

“Just two minutes,” I pushed him outside, closed the door and opened it after two minutes.

“It’s all yours,” I said while going to my room. I closed the door and took a 2x Shirt out of my case and put it on. I checked my phone, but there was neither a message, nor a call. I checked the time, exactly 12 a.m. I picked up my clothes for the day. There was not enough room for a closet so I had to live from my trunk. I didn’t want to wait here anymore so I decided to brew coffee.

But when I entered the kitchen there was already a can full of the brown gold. I took a cup and filled it. “Are you going to do this shit every morning?” a bad-tempered Johnny asked. There was a scrap of TP on his head, but he was dressed.
“Coffee?” I asked innocently and held out my cup.

“No actually I brewed it for you, I don’t drink coffee.”
“You prefer beer in the morning, um?” I took a sip. He didn’t answer. “When did you come home?”

“I woke up in Val’s garden, everybody was gone and I searched for peanut. Then I remembered you took him so I walked home. Think I came here at 6:30 a.m.” I grinned from ear to ear as I visualized it.

“So, is the bathroom free?” He nodded and mumbled something I didn’t understand. I took my clothes and locked the room after I entered.
Thirty minutes later I stood again in the kitchen and refilled my cup. “You like the girls?” Johnny, who had removed the TP, asked as I joined him in the living room.
“Yes, they’re really nice.”

“That’s such a stock response. Be honest.”
“Take it or not.” With my hands I thrummed on my legs.

“Jimmy always did this, too. I think it’s a drummer thing. I visited his family yesterday.” He hoisted the little dog which stood in front of the couch and looked at him with his puppy eyes. While he was busy, I took the chance to look carefully at him. He had a mohawk, the rest of his head was shaved – and there was still the little wound on his head from the incident. His face graced a ring through his nose; his brown eyes were still grounded at his little dog. But the most beautiful thing was his smile. When he smiled it still reached his eyes and you have to respond it. He mostly smiled when his pet was around him, I realized.

It was awkward for me, when they talked about their last drummer. Sure I wanted to know something about him, but I saw the pain in their eyes, when they recalled that Jimmy has died. “I’ll take a walk with Peanut,” he said, after I hadn’t reacted at his last sentence. I decided I could read my book, so I fetched it. This time I wasn’t really into it, my mind always drifted away. I reread this book so often, it was quite tattered.

“Ready to go?” I heard my roommate’s voice from the corridor. I rose, took my sticks and followed him to his car. It would be ridiculous if we’d ride with two cars, so I took a seat in Johnny’s.

The drive with Mr. Christ was really crazy. I was like “Look, there’s a bike”, ”Oh my Gosh on your left” and he responded with a “Yes, I saw that” every time. We were both pissed, when we dismounted. We were the first and sat on the couch in silence until Zacky and Syn arrived.

“You were drunk while shaving?” was Zacky's first comment as he saw us. Johnny rolled his eyes. “No, a fury came into the bath as I shaved my head.”
We waited for Matt, but instead Larry, the manager, came. He was very cool, more a friend of the band then an authorized Person. “Hey guys. Matt had called me, you want a gig? You’re sure? So soon?”

“She needs a bit more practice, but I think this shouldn’t be a problem,” Zacky answered and patted my head like I were an animal.
“Hope six days are okay. Your gig will be on Sunday,” he said and sat down. “So get your asses up there and practice.”
“But Matt isn’t here,” Syn protested.

“You can also play without your vocalist,” he simply said. We raised and entered the room where the instruments stood.
“What are we going to play?” They shrugged.

“Think we’re going to discuss this when Matt’s fuckin’ ass is here. Let’s play “A Little Piece Of Heaven” again, till you can play it in your dreams.”
“Since I have other things to do,” I said with a grin and sat down behind my drums.
We played it three times until Shadows arrived. “Sorry,” he simply said. “Start all over again,” he said after grabbing his mic. I groaned. In the middle of the song Matt told us to stop. “Kay, what about singing?”

“What? No fuckin’ way!” I exclaimed with a loud voice. I had seen how they teased Johnny and he couldn’t hold a tone – not to mention that he ever strikes one.
“It’s not that much, but the female voice is missing. Actually Jimmy took the part, so let’s try.”
“I don’t know the lyrics,” I tried to convince him.

“It’s easy. What will you do, not long enough, I pray to god that you do and then a not long enough again and again. Oh and what about an evil laugh? And then Zacky will ask you, if you like to marry me you answer with a ‘Yes, I do’.”
“I’ll try, but don’t laugh I’ll suck.”

Actually I sucked and Syn, Johnny and Zacky tried to hold back their laughter, but failed.
I gave Matt a ‘I told you so’ glace, but he only said we should play again. I really started to hate this song!
“That was the creepiest ‘Yes, I do’ I’ve ever heard,” Johnny said, while laughing. It was really hard to understand.

“Oh, shut up Mr. Seize the day,” I said pissed and the others couldn’t stop laughing.
After Matt was fairly satisfied we had a break to discuss the playlist for the gig. I took a sip from my water, which Larry had handed me. I just listened when the men added the songs on the list. There was ‘Almost Easy’, ‘Afterlife’, my favorite ‘A Little Piece Of Heaven’, ‘Seize the day’ and ‘God Hates Us’ as Matt began to speak.

“Actually I want to add ‘Fiction’,” he said and I didn’t wait long to scream a ‘no’. The others looked at me – they were confused.
“What’s the problem with this song? You know the others and you learn very quick so six days shouldn’t be a problem”, Larry said.
“It’s Jimmy’s song, I can’t play it. Everyone knows it was the last song he wrote. I can’t be on stage playing this song and everybody’s staring at me.”

“You’re one of us now. There’s no Jimmy anymore who could play this song. It’s not like you killed him to take his place. We have to move on and they should be glad that someone so talented is our new drummer,” Syn finished his speech.
“Let’s vote. Who wants to play fiction?” All their hands raised, mine still clutched the bottle. “You’re outvoted.”
“Maybe you also want to add a song?” Johnny asked.

“Critical Acclaim,” I just said while I tramped to the room and before the door closed I heard “What were we thinking ‘bout adding a girl? Everyone knows they’re unbearable when they have one’s period”. I snorted, sure that’s everything. Why did they not see, that my problem isn’t going on stage. My Problem is that the fans would compare me and Jimmy. And I’m afraid that I’m not what they want. Most of their fans are girls; they don’t want to see a woman in their favorite band. I let my sticks touch the drums angrily and soon I was in a vague rhythm.

“Chocolate?” I looked up. There stood Syn in front of me, a chocolate bar in his hand. I gave him a questioning glace. “Releases sense of pleasure.”
“Idiot,” I said but took the candy.

“So, you want to explain your fears?” he asked. I shook my head and searched for the right notes. “Maybe it would help?” he tried again. I was always that one who suppressed everything. “If you want to talk you know where to find me.” With these words he left the room.
Later they came in again, when I was trying to get fiction on line. It was unusual quiet. After hours we finished and my mood plummet further as I realized I had to drive with Johnny. I needed a coffee and something to eat. I closed my eyes while he drove; the others were in their cars behind us.

“Hey Kim, ready for a new style?” Gena greeted. She stood in front of our flat; I had the guys in tow.
“Whatya doin’ here?” I asked while hugging her.
“I thought you wouldn’t come and I knew the guys wanted to come here, so I took the chance.” She pointed at a little suitcase. I opened the door and I couldn’t look that fast, as she entered the room. She had opened her case and told me to grab a chair – while the others hadn’t even entered the apartment.

“Welcome to hell,” Zacky said and got hit at the back of the head by his girlfriend.
When everyone sat – except from Gena who was running around me – she asked about my favorite color. “Don’t think I have one.”
“That doesn’t help,” she sighed. “I thought about some highlights here,” she twitched at my lower parts of the hair, “and a new haircut.”

“Do whatever you want as long as it’s not pink, I can do a ponytail and I’ll get a pizza.”
“Sure, sure. Darling, call Pizza Hut. What do you want, Kim?”
“Something spicy,” I said while the feisty blonde grabbed my hand and pulled me to the bathroom.

“Sit down here,” she pointed at the toilet seat, “I’ll be right back in a minute.” She came back, some black bowls, a brush and aluminum foil were in her hands. “I’ll mix the paste; I took a turquoise, that’ll look great.”
“Whatever you want, Gena.”

“You won’t regret it,” she promised. We chatted a little bit and I told her, about the upcoming gig Saturday. She divided my hair and distributed some color on my bright blonde hair. The smell was disgusting! By time my hair was full of the kitchen item as the doorbell rang. Gena purged the items, while I followed the scent of the delicacy. On the table stood many boxes.
“Madame,” Syn said as he reached me one of them. I sat down on the floor, the box on my legs. I actually wondered, because they didn’t say anything about the glistening foil in my hair.

Precisely I wanted to take the first bite of my pizza, when my phone rang. I moaned and got up, the piece still in my hand. I took the phone, which lay on my bed and answered without looking who called.
“Hmmm?” I just said, while taking the first bite.
“Labelle is lost,” a tearful voice said.

“You’re sure, honey? You searched the house?” I asked my little niece. Labelle was the stupid cat she absolutely loved. I walked along the flat into the kitchen to grab a water bottle while eating. It wasn’t the first time she thought that stupid animal was lost. Mostly this hairy minx sat on my bed.
“Yes I did. Mommy’s not here and Grandpa is in the garden.”
“So why haven’t you told him? He’s going to search for Labelle with you.”

“But … but you did this. You always found her.”
“But I’m far away; you have to do this on your own. You’re a big girl and you cat plays just hide and seek with you.”
The sobbing was getting louder. “I … I … miss you.”

“I miss you, too, honey.” I said while sitting down and taking the second piece. “So, stop crying. Get some kibble, shake the box and you’ll see she’ll be right there.”
“But, what if she’s lost forever?” I rolled my eyes.
“Like I said, she just plays. Probably she’s taking a nap or something like that.”
“Hm, Kimie?”

“Yes, littl’ bee?”
“I want to visit you.”
“I don’t know when, but sure.” Actually I didn’t want her to come here. I mean those guys and a little girl? I couldn’t imagine this, but I didn’t have the motivation now to discuss this.
“Can I talk to Johnny?” A gave him a questioning glace.

“Why, do you want to talk with him?” I asked curiously. Everyone was staring at me, wondering who I meant.
“Just let me talk to him!” Suddenly she didn’t sound weepy anymore.
“Johnny, do you mind talking to my little niece?” I asked, but he just held out his hand and I put the phone in it.

“Hey,” I heard him say, but couldn’t understand, what Cassie was saying. “Yes.” I eyed him skeptically. Suddenly he burst out in laughter; his head turned red and a tear left his eyes. He rose and left the room.
“What was that?” Matt asked but I just shrugged. I also wanted to know, what this little girl said to him. Little Peanut came and sniffed at my box, but I shooed him. Gena joined me and snitched a piece of my pizza. We still could hear Johnny’s laughter.

Finally he came back and handed me my phone. “Nice background,” he said. Gena took the phone and squealed. “Oh my Gosh, that’s so cute. Is that your little niece?” I nodded. It was a picture of me sitting at the drums, Cassie on my lap holding the sticks and trying to play the drum kit. “She looks a lot like you,” she added.
“Remember, not my child. So, what did she want?” I asked the man.
“I promised I wouldn’t say a word to you,” he said.

“I bet you made fun of me.”
“We never would.” His smile proved him a liar.
“Do you mind if I take a look at the pictures?” The woman next to me asked.
“Never mind,” I said and ate again. Maybe I call Cassie tomorrow and ask her, what she had said.
“Is that your sister?” I looked at my phone. “Yes, that was at the prom.”
“She’s totally the girly girl,” she commented.

“Not like our one here, always wearing pants and big shirts,” Matt teased me.
“I’m always around you, I don’t need to impress somebody,” I simply answered.
“Ouch, she gave us a knock-back,” Johnny commented. This smirk on his face was really annoying. “You should be used to,” Syn annotated.

“Who’s that?” Gena asked again. I looked again and the knot in my stomach was back home. Had forgotten there was this picture. “Ohm my ex,” I spawned finally.
“What? Give us the phone,” Matt said and grabbed it, while Gena protested. “THAT was your boyfriend?”

“Yeah, that,” I imitated his tone, “was my boyfriend.” I couldn’t look at them, while they stared at the picture.
“Hum, show me your hair,” Gena said and took a look. “Yeah, think we can wash it out.” We raised and I was glad to escape their questions. “Zacky told me ‘bout your boyfriend. I know also, you said you didn’t want to talk, but … If you want to talk, I have a sympathetic ear.” She didn’t wait for a response and was employed with my hair. I had to bend forward and she pulled out the foil and washed my hair. “I need an old towel,” she yelled and don’t know from where, but she got one which she wrapped around my hair.

“Get up. On the chair in the living room, now the haircut.”
“We take a walk, Ladies.” Zacky said, gave his girlfriend a quick kiss and soon we were alone in the room.
“Finally,” escaped my mouth. Gena just laughed. She was all into my hair and we fall quiet. After she dried it, I took the first look at the mirror. She was right, it was amazing. The turquoise was not too much and the color really pretty and my hair were layered. “It’s perfect,” I promised Gena, who stood satisfied next to me.
“I’m glad you like it.” We cleaned up and sat down on the couch.

“Do you think there’s ice cream in the freezer?”
“I doubt that. But call them and tell them they should grab some.” I took the phone, which laid on the table and dialed Johnny’s number.
“What’s up?” he answered.
“I know the day was not easy with me around, but I know a way how I would be very satisfied,” I said with my candy voice.

“Uhm?”
“Would you bring some chocolate ice cream? I’ll be a really good girl,” I promised.
He laughed hard. “I thought something different, but I think that’s feasible. We’ll be there in thirty minutes.”
“Thanks,” I said before disconnecting.
“You know, what you’re wearing on Saturday?” The blonde woman asked, but I denied it. “So, we have to search. Where’s your closet?”

“Haven’t one, but in my room.” We searched and my clothes laid everywhere. I told her, I have to wear shorts and chucks, so I could play, but she wanted to pick a shirt. We were both pleased with a tank top with the slogan ‘No, I’m not with the drummer – I am the drummer’. I heard the door and soon there were four men in my little room, everyone holding an ice cream bowl.

“Wow, that looks gorgeous,” Zacky said and the others nodded. I had something on the tip of my tongue but I remembered, that I had promised to be a good girl. “Thank you so much,” I said instead, squashed between them and took some spoons from the kitchen. While I went to the living room I saw something on the floor.

“PEANUT!” I yelled. I picked up my favorite book with two fingers, which was very wet and pissed off. “This was my favorite book, how could you dare? Nobody could be so cruel and do that to Mr. Darcy!” I screamed but the little dog hadn’t showed up.
“Pride and Prejudice?” Syn asked, as he deciphered the title.

“Sure, that’s a classic.” I took the bowl from him, opened it and took the first spoon before sitting. Thought he would say more, but maybe he had enough for one day. Soon the others said goodbye and that left me and Johnny.
“Sorry ‘bout today. How’s your head?”

“I’m fine,” he waved aside. “Sorry, ‘bout your book. I’ll buy you a new one,” he offered.
“No, it’s okay. Think I know it by heart. Ice Cream?” I held the bucket out to him. Instead he took my spoon and ate the ice I wanted to. So we started to eat on a rotating base. “You mind?” I asked as I leaned against his shoulder. Rather than an answer he wrapped his arm around me.

“I miss my little girl. Every time she couldn’t sleep she came to my bed,” I said suddenly.
“Why not your sister’s?”
“Kelly is a wild one. She dates a lot and often she’s not at home at night.”
“What’s with the dad?”

“There’s no one. She said she doesn’t know who he is.”
“You don’t believe her,” he simply said and I shrugged.
“I’m goin’ to bed, good night,” I said and kissed his cheek. When I was about closing the door, he called my name so I stood still. “You look really pretty, littl’ one.” I smiled and closed the door.