‹ Prequel: In Over My Head
Sequel: P.S I'm Dying, ›
Status: Finished(:
Loving The Jerk Who Might Have Feelings
Serial Killers Are a Product of 'Love'
It’s stupid. It’s so stupid. But somehow I ended up on the roof of the Grand Hall. Don’t ask how, because I really don’t remember, I was just angry and needed to find some place quiet. The roof seemed like a pretty good choice and so did sitting on the ledge.
Now that I look back on it, maybe it wasn’t such a good idea. But oh well. I sigh and wipe away another tear as I look down on the students coming in and out of the building. They all look so happy. My eyes trail over all the trees to the sky and eventually the stars. A familiar giggle makes me look back down. It’s Lilith and Nate. Eww, they’re making out against one of the lamp posts. I gag but then laugh as I watch Nate’s eyes widen when Lilith gropes him all over.
Ah, little brother, there is much you must learn.
Then she starts grabbing his—oh god! How gross! I automatically turn away and gag some more. That’s my twin brother she’s molesting!
I carefully take off one of my pink heels and try to aim it at them without having to see what they’re doing. When I hear an “Oww!” I know I hit my mark. I grin and look at them again. Lilith is rubbing the back of her head and looking around; Nate is examining my pink high heel with a weird expression.
I can’t help but laugh and I guess he heard because he suddenly looks up. His jaw pops open and he’s probably about to ask what I’m doing up here and possibly complain about me hitting his ‘girlfriend’, but suddenly Lilith turns to him, “Hey, let’s go to my room”
This time my jaw pops open and he shoots me a smirk before following after her like a lost puppy.
I glare after them, then I sigh and let my eyes close. I feel the cold breeze on my bare shoulders and it makes my hair whip at my back. Maybe love isn’t unconditional. Maybe love is always meant to be forbidden, at least for me. I mean my first love raped me and now Winters doesn’t want me. I’m not saying I love him, though. Because I don’t.
Maybe I’m just so screwed up that I have to like guys that are bad for me. Maybe it’s the only way I’ll be entertained. Maybe the whole rape thing was just my subconscious creating more drama because I was getting too comfortable with Dave.
I groan and shake my head. No, it wasn’t my fault. It was his. I’m just glad I told Mom about it when he tried to talk to me . Now he’s in Texas or something.
I shake my head again at the memory, god, I wish this were simple. Other couples make it look so easy;
Girl: “I love you”
Boy: “I love you, too. Will you marry me?”
Girl: “Yes!”
They stay together for ten years, have three kids, then the guy decides he doesn’t find his wife attractive anymore and divorces her. The girl takes half of his assets, the kids, the car and moves back in with her mom, realizing she should’ve stayed in school. The kids grow up feeling insecure, abandoned, and have relationship issues. One of them turns into a serial killer, one becomes a successful banker, and one turns into a prostitute.
I sigh and decide I must be mental. Maybe I get this from my mom?
“Don’t move”
I flinch, nearly losing grip on the ledge, and turn my head around. I find Alex Winters carefully walking towards me with outstretched arms.
I glare at him, “Normally, when a girl makes a dramatic exit, you don’t come after her”
But what I say doesn’t register. Actually, he looks on edge and twitchy. His eyes dart from my hand holding onto the ledge to my eyes. “Just don’t move”
“Can you just go away? I’m not in the mood—“
But suddenly he lunges towards me. For a moment I think he’s gonna push me off, but then he wraps his arms around my shoulders and pulls me back. I slip out of his arms and my head bumps against the gravel rather harshly. I scream and try to kick him when he tries to pick me up, and he lets go of me. My head once again thuds against the sharp little rocks and I curse at him, “What is your problem?” I yell.
He looks panicked as he examines me, “I- you- fall- jump?” he says incoherently.
I do my best to get up, but my costume got caught on a loose nail, so I end up falling back on my butt and scraping my elbow. “Great, first you break my heart and now you ruin my costume” I say sarcastically as I try to pull it free.
“That-that doesn’t mean you have to go commit suicide!”
I give a start then look back at Winters incredulously, “You thought I was committing suicide? On your behalf? You know, I’d like to think I was too smart for you, but maybe you were to dumb for this relationship to work”
The panic fades away from Winters’ face and he slowly sinks down to the floor next to me. “So you weren’t going to kill yourself?”
I roll my eyes, “No, Einstein, I was just getting fresh air, y’know, non-suicidal people like to do that, too”
He seems to breathe easier as my words sink in. “Sorry” he says earnestly and looks away from me, “It’s the anniversary of my mom’s death, so I’m a bit hectic”
I gasp quietly, “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—I mean, it wasn’t—I was just—“
“’S okay” he replies and his gaze seems a million miles away.
“Thanks for trying to save me, though, even if you did give me some bruises while doing so. Next time I’d prefer if you’d warn me”
Suddenly he snaps back into himself, “You want me to warn you before I rescue you?”
“Yep”
He laughs and it feels like everything’s okay again, like he didn’t just hurt me emotionally and physically and somehow manage to come out a hero after all of it.
I stay staring into his pain filled eyes. He’s saved me before and now he’s shown he’d do it again. He’s funny, hot, misunderstood, and kind of self-centered. Alex Winters is the guy equivalent of me. How am I not supposed to love him?
Then he does something both amazing and stupid. He kisses me. And it’s perfect. Despite the sting of his lip rings, and despite the fact that 15 minutes ago he told me we didn’t belong together. Just your average kiss, right?
Now that I look back on it, maybe it wasn’t such a good idea. But oh well. I sigh and wipe away another tear as I look down on the students coming in and out of the building. They all look so happy. My eyes trail over all the trees to the sky and eventually the stars. A familiar giggle makes me look back down. It’s Lilith and Nate. Eww, they’re making out against one of the lamp posts. I gag but then laugh as I watch Nate’s eyes widen when Lilith gropes him all over.
Ah, little brother, there is much you must learn.
Then she starts grabbing his—oh god! How gross! I automatically turn away and gag some more. That’s my twin brother she’s molesting!
I carefully take off one of my pink heels and try to aim it at them without having to see what they’re doing. When I hear an “Oww!” I know I hit my mark. I grin and look at them again. Lilith is rubbing the back of her head and looking around; Nate is examining my pink high heel with a weird expression.
I can’t help but laugh and I guess he heard because he suddenly looks up. His jaw pops open and he’s probably about to ask what I’m doing up here and possibly complain about me hitting his ‘girlfriend’, but suddenly Lilith turns to him, “Hey, let’s go to my room”
This time my jaw pops open and he shoots me a smirk before following after her like a lost puppy.
I glare after them, then I sigh and let my eyes close. I feel the cold breeze on my bare shoulders and it makes my hair whip at my back. Maybe love isn’t unconditional. Maybe love is always meant to be forbidden, at least for me. I mean my first love raped me and now Winters doesn’t want me. I’m not saying I love him, though. Because I don’t.
Maybe I’m just so screwed up that I have to like guys that are bad for me. Maybe it’s the only way I’ll be entertained. Maybe the whole rape thing was just my subconscious creating more drama because I was getting too comfortable with Dave.
I groan and shake my head. No, it wasn’t my fault. It was his. I’m just glad I told Mom about it when he tried to talk to me . Now he’s in Texas or something.
I shake my head again at the memory, god, I wish this were simple. Other couples make it look so easy;
Girl: “I love you”
Boy: “I love you, too. Will you marry me?”
Girl: “Yes!”
They stay together for ten years, have three kids, then the guy decides he doesn’t find his wife attractive anymore and divorces her. The girl takes half of his assets, the kids, the car and moves back in with her mom, realizing she should’ve stayed in school. The kids grow up feeling insecure, abandoned, and have relationship issues. One of them turns into a serial killer, one becomes a successful banker, and one turns into a prostitute.
I sigh and decide I must be mental. Maybe I get this from my mom?
“Don’t move”
I flinch, nearly losing grip on the ledge, and turn my head around. I find Alex Winters carefully walking towards me with outstretched arms.
I glare at him, “Normally, when a girl makes a dramatic exit, you don’t come after her”
But what I say doesn’t register. Actually, he looks on edge and twitchy. His eyes dart from my hand holding onto the ledge to my eyes. “Just don’t move”
“Can you just go away? I’m not in the mood—“
But suddenly he lunges towards me. For a moment I think he’s gonna push me off, but then he wraps his arms around my shoulders and pulls me back. I slip out of his arms and my head bumps against the gravel rather harshly. I scream and try to kick him when he tries to pick me up, and he lets go of me. My head once again thuds against the sharp little rocks and I curse at him, “What is your problem?” I yell.
He looks panicked as he examines me, “I- you- fall- jump?” he says incoherently.
I do my best to get up, but my costume got caught on a loose nail, so I end up falling back on my butt and scraping my elbow. “Great, first you break my heart and now you ruin my costume” I say sarcastically as I try to pull it free.
“That-that doesn’t mean you have to go commit suicide!”
I give a start then look back at Winters incredulously, “You thought I was committing suicide? On your behalf? You know, I’d like to think I was too smart for you, but maybe you were to dumb for this relationship to work”
The panic fades away from Winters’ face and he slowly sinks down to the floor next to me. “So you weren’t going to kill yourself?”
I roll my eyes, “No, Einstein, I was just getting fresh air, y’know, non-suicidal people like to do that, too”
He seems to breathe easier as my words sink in. “Sorry” he says earnestly and looks away from me, “It’s the anniversary of my mom’s death, so I’m a bit hectic”
I gasp quietly, “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—I mean, it wasn’t—I was just—“
“’S okay” he replies and his gaze seems a million miles away.
“Thanks for trying to save me, though, even if you did give me some bruises while doing so. Next time I’d prefer if you’d warn me”
Suddenly he snaps back into himself, “You want me to warn you before I rescue you?”
“Yep”
He laughs and it feels like everything’s okay again, like he didn’t just hurt me emotionally and physically and somehow manage to come out a hero after all of it.
I stay staring into his pain filled eyes. He’s saved me before and now he’s shown he’d do it again. He’s funny, hot, misunderstood, and kind of self-centered. Alex Winters is the guy equivalent of me. How am I not supposed to love him?
Then he does something both amazing and stupid. He kisses me. And it’s perfect. Despite the sting of his lip rings, and despite the fact that 15 minutes ago he told me we didn’t belong together. Just your average kiss, right?