This Is Worth The Pain

“Izzy…” I heard my name being softly whispered. I tried to answer, but I didn’t have my voice. I wanted to see who it was calling my name, but my eyes wouldn’t open. I was tired, drained. Opening my eyes would take every last bit of my energy and so would speaking. I didn’t have enough energy to do anything other than lay wherever I was and occasionally here my name being called or spoken. It was hard not to answer every time you name is said and you don’t know who said it, why they said it, or anything else. I felt like I had been like this for a while, fading in and out from dreaming and laying here, seeing blackness and hearing few things other than my name.

The blackness started to fade and color came across my vision, blurry at first, but images soon became clear. I knew at this time I was heading into a dream for I didn’t open my eyes. My body instantly felt warmth as the sun beat down on it. I closed my eyes for the sun’s rays felt amazing on my body. I hadn’t felt this warm for what felt like forever.

Suddenly my warmth was taken and my eyes opened to see him in front of me, smirking.

“You’re in front of my sunlight.” I told him. When he didn’t move, I reached up to push him away, but a gust of wind blew him away and his image fizzled out in front of me. I sat up to see if what I had seen really happened and when I didn’t see him, I realized it did.

“Bella.” The name rolled off of his tongue and my ears perked up. I turned around, but still nothing.

When I turned back he was in front of me, hovering over me, his eyes piercing into my own. I couldn’t help, but reach up to see if he was really there. He lifted up his hand and mimicked my motions, cupping my cheek and stroking it with his thumb, in prefect rhythm with mine. Then he leaned in. His eyes didn’t leave mine as his lips brushed against mine. A spark left my lips tingling. I had missed his lips against mine.

Even though it was all a dream, it felt so real, from his lips against mine to his body fitting perfectly against my own. It was amazing. The sun seemed to set quickly over us in just seconds. The dream was moving so fast, I couldn’t catch hold of it to keep it there in my mind. We both pulled back to catch our breath. We acted like we could go forever. I took a few deep breaths before looking up at him.

“I love you.” He said, breathing regularly. His words make me feel all gooey and warm inside. I loved it. I loved him. I opened my mouth so tell him, but it closed quickly and the sun disappeared. We were surrounded by darkness and as I looked up at him memories flashed through my head.

"Greg..." Kale said. Actually, more like pleaded.

"He's using you Izzy. You're the only girl he hasn't gotten and it's all a bet." Greg spilled.

"Greg!" Kale shouted. My head whipped around to look at Kale.

"Is it true?" I asked. Kale shook his head.

"He's lying. It's just the punch." Kale said quickly like he was trying to cover something up.

"Fuck you Kale." I whispered as I started towards my house.

"No Izzy stop!" Kale yelled grabbing my wrist. "It was a bet, but it's not now. I mean its over." He said his eyes looking frantically for mine.

"You lied to me." I whispered. Kale didn't say anything. "You lied to me... I can't believe I thought you were changing!" I shouted in his face.

"Izzy!"

"No!" I shouted back. "I actually thought you were serious about getting married. What did you do pay some girl to just act until you could get me to sleep with you?" Kale didn't answer.

"I absolutely hate you." I whispered.

I remembered that night all too well. It hurt me to see it again in my mind. I looked into his eyes and they were pleading. His face looked worried as he tried to grab my hand. I pulled it away and another vision came across my mind.

"Does this mean I'm forgiven?" He asked when we pulled apart.

"Yeah..."

"Does this mean I can ask you out?"

"Maybe. Promise me one thing." I said looking at my hands.

"What?" Kale asked.

"No more lies." I looked up to see Kale smiling.

"No more lies. I swear."

He promised me he wouldn’t do it again, that everything was over. He promised me no more lies. That they would all end. He was sitting next to me now, grabbing my hands and holding them in his. Entwining our fingers and there was a spark there from the touch of him. He pulled me to him, my head falling onto his chest. I wanted this to all stop and just stay here. I didn’t want to see the next vision that crossed my memory…

"That was a pretty good meal.” Zeke complimented. I nodded, agreeing.

“It was.” Blaze agreed. “Just thought Izzy would talk a bit more.”

“Just leave her alone.” Kale snarled. He grabbed my hand in his, but the touch didn’t feel the same. Something was missing.

“Wow, guess you do love her.” I felt my cheeks heat up. Did Kale say he loved me? “Guess I can take my car back then.” This caught my attention and I glanced at Kale.

“What car?” I asked, nervously.

“Just an early birthday present.” My eyes narrowed. He was lying and I could tell.

“Your birthday isn’t for a long while.” Kale shifted in his seat.

“Hun, it was just a little bet.”

Tears started to flood my eyes. The memory was killing me. Putting them all together in my mind was hurting me. I quickly blinked the tears away, but ended up making them fall into streaks down my face. They were hot against my cool skin. I couldn’t look at him. I didn’t want another memory flushing through my mind. I didn’t want to see what happened after that, but looking at him or not it faded into my sight.

“Why?” It was the one thing I wanted to know the answer to. “Why?” I whispered again. The light turned green, but Kale didn’t move.

“I was so caught up in what we had that I didn’t stop to think about other things.” I kept my gaze on the streets beside us, but responded.

“Don’t lie to me.” My voice was low and almost unheard beneath the rumbling of the storm.

“Izzy, I’m not.” Kale tried, but I didn’t believe him. “I was so caught up in our love that I had totally forgotten.” This made me even angrier.

“You were so caught up in us that you didn’t do the one thing that you promised to do?!” A car honked from behind us, but Kale didn’t move.

“I meant to, but I forgot. It doesn’t mean anything because I love you Izzy Rein. I love you like no other.”

“They’re all lies.” I hissed at him. “Every single one! I can’t trust you!” I let out a frustrated groan. “It doesn’t mean anything?! How about it means everything! If you really loved me you wouldn’t have continued a single thing! You would’ve gone right up to Blaze and told that son of a bitch that that little bet was over, but you didn’t!”

“Izzy I couldn’t look like an idiot in front of Blaze. He bet me I couldn’t do it, but he was right. I didn’t want to let him win, but I swear to God that I told him right before you and Zeke came back!”

“Fuck you Kale Sparks! You should’ve done it the second Blaze came up to you on the field, but you didn’t!” I spat my words at him like venom.

Anger filled me just as it did before. He lied again, and again. Her broke his promise and lied to me. He didn’t even have the heart to tell me the truth. Why he didn’t break it off with Blaze. Instead he let me suffer through the terrible pain. Let me wallow in it. I didn’t want to cry in front of him now, but the tears just started raining down.

It was like I was a faucet that someone lost the handle to and couldn’t shut off. His hands let go of mine and tried to wipe my tears away, but those were just replaced by fresh, new ones.

“Izzy please.” He pleaded. I shook my head, closing my eyes and keeping them closed.

“No.” I told him sternly, “Not anymore.” I felt his hands leave me, but his presence was still there. Something in me wanted him to stay there, it was the love I felt for him. Or actually, it was the love I had for him.

“I love you.” I heard him say. I had finally found the courage to say the words I had been meaning to say…

“I don’t love you.” They were just reversed… I then opened my eyes to see what he looked like, but my dream had disappeared. White walls surrounded me. Something was in my arm next to me and I was covered in blankets even though I was sweating.

“She’s up.” A voice said. One I didn’t recognize.

“Get a doctor.” Another said.

“What?” A quivering voice asked. I turned my head and there sitting next to me was him, holding my hand with a bandage over his head. It hurt to say it now knowing my dream had faded, but it didn’t stop the words from coming through my pale lips.

“I don’t love you Kale Sparks.”