The Best I Ever Had

I paced around restlessly in my hotel room, waiting and crossing my fingers that you would keep your promise to come and see me. I have been on pins and needles trying to figure out why you no longer love me.

What did I do wrong, baby?
Do I not please you, anymore?
What does she have that I don't...?

I sat down on the bed, burying my face in my hands. I knew this, you and I, was a mistake from the beginning. Bert tried to warn me about you. He told me that you did this with everyone, that you would break my heart just like you broke his. He told me as soon as you found a new prospect, you would dump me just as quick as I hopped in the sack with you. He told me that you would move on and forget all about me, you would pretend we never even happened. He told me that once you did, you wouldn't even take a second glance at me.

And dammit, he was right. I now knew what my once good friend Bert McCracken meant. He tried to warn me, as a friend. I thought the words that spilled from his mouth were nothing more than the rantings of a bitter and jealous man who had just been dumped... but boy, was I ever wrong.

Bert was right about everything. I had to beg you with everything I had just to get you to agree that you would come here today, by throwing myself on you, practically fucking you right there in front of everyone. Well, everyone except for her. God, I can't even bring myself to say her fucking name.

As much as I hated to admit it, I know why you were so drawn to her. She was beautiful... but even more than beautiful, she was talented. And even more than talented, she was sweet. So sweet, and funny, and charming it was enough to make me want to fucking puke. She was downright fucking perfect. She could give you children. I know how badly you wanted a son of your own... you'd be such a wonderful daddy, Gee.

She could give you everything that I couldn't. Well, everything except for love. I am thoroughly convinced that she, nor anyone could possibly even come close to loving you the way I do.

I was with you first, Gerard. It seems like the second everything started going right for us, she showed up and took you away from me. She fucking ruined everything! Why don't you hate her just as much as I do for doing this to us?

Just as the helpless feeling of being ignored, denied, and defeated began to wash over me, I heard the door handle wiggle, followed by a knock. I quickly ran to it so I could open it, and there you were.

You were gorgeous, as always. I took in your features, that were covered slightly by your perfectly messy hair that hung so beautifully in your face. I stared deep inside those beautiful hazel eyes of yours that I loved getting lost in. I loved how you always dressed yourself in clothes that fit you one size too tight, showing off your perfect body. You are downright stunning, Gerard Way. What could you possibly have been doing with me in the first place?

As I stood there staring at you, getting drunk off of just your existence, you did something that took me completely by surprise. You kissed me. Oh Gee, it's been so long since you kissed me like this... but this wasn't just any kiss, oh no.

You threw your arms around me and attacked my lips forcefully, lifting me up so that my legs were now wrapped around your perfect waist. As our tongues danced together in the most beautiful way, you threw me down on the bed and we rolled around together, tangled up in a sinful mess of kisses and... dare I say it? Love, yes, love for one another.

Not one word had passed since you showed up, not even when you pulled the shirt off over my head, which was soon followed by your own as you tossed them both on the other side of the room. We always said that shirts were so unnecessary.

Your fingers travelled all across my skin, drawing imaginary masterpieces as they lingered wherever they so pleased. I shut my eyes for about five seconds, before they shot open, clinging to grasp you in this moment, a moment that for so many nights I have longed for. I never wanted this moment between us to ever end, and wanted to make the best of every second that you would allow me, so I rolled you over so that I was on top of you, straddling your beautiful, perfect hips. As my lips found themselves kissing down your torso, you quickly retaliated, moaning and whimpering as you sat up, in the perfect position to place butterfly kisses all over my chest then my neck, where you proceeded to suck hard on my collarbone. Damn you for knowing every single one of my weak spots; and fuck you for exploiting my weakest one... you. I had no choice but to quickly succumb to you, just like I always did.

You flipped me over and unzipped my pants, pulling them down harshly so that I was lying there underneath you, completely exposed. It took literally no time at all for you to be completely naked too, your pants were off in the blink of an eye. After ridding us both of any remaining pieces of fabric, you quickly pounced back on top of me, straddling my waist and grinding your hips into mine without missing a beat. Your delicious lips quickly became reattached to mine, sucking on my lip ring, leaving it swollen. Nibbling on my earlobe, making my entire body tingle. Biting my neck, enough to even draw blood...

Damn you for knowing every single one of my weaknesses, Gerard.
You must know by now that you are my fucking weakness.

The feelings that you were creating deep within me were strong enough to move mountains. I know you fucking felt it, too, by the way you cried out when I nibbled on your earlobe, and whimpered when I bit down on your neck, and especially when you moaned my name when I sucked on your collarbone.

I smirked with satisfaction, thinking that maybe, just maybe, this was your way of coming back to me. I couldn't help but smile as I cupped your face in my hands, staring deep in your eyes, scanning them for some sort of an explanation. For one brief, beautiful cluster of seconds you smiled back, your eyes gleaming with love - yes, love for me, until I had the audacity to become hopeful that we could stay like this forever. Your smile quickly faded and you tore your eyes away from me, damning me for being such an idiot. Damn me for being foolish enough to be hopeful.

"I can't do this anymore," you cried out, holding your head in your hands, groaning loudly. "I came here to say good-bye, Frank..." you whispered, not even bothering to look me in the eye.

This is killing you just as much as it was killing me, Gee, and you know it. I felt your body try to escape from on top of me, but oh no. I wasn't letting you go so easily, baby, not this time. I grabbed you by your waist and sat up, our exposed crotches grinding against each other, creating this incredible amount of friction that made you whimper my name once again, our foreheads touching, and our lips just centimeters apart from each other.

I held you here by your waist for only God knows how long, letting my fingers glide up and down your sides every so often, our legs sprawled out in opposite directions. Every time you would dare look away, I pulled you back, making you stare back in my eyes.

You tore your eyes away from me once more, just begging me to touch your face one more time as you kept repeating, "F-Frankie... I-I can't...do this...anymore..."

So I fell into your trap, grabbing your face gently and making your gaze meet with mine once more, as I finally broke my silence.

"Then why did kiss me the way you did when you entered my room, Gerard?"

You bit your lip, and in a feeble attempt to keep me from seeing the tears that were floating in your eyelids you looked away - but oh no, darling, I'm not letting you get away from me so easily. Not this time...

I cupped your face in my hands, desperately crashing our lips together. No tongue, no teeth, just the sweetest, most forceful kiss that we've ever shared. When I broke away, you stared back at me with stars in your eyes. For a second, they shined so brightly...

...but only for a second.

"I'm sorry, Frankie. I... I can't... I really just came here to say good-bye..."

Judging from the tears that were threatening to spill over any second now, or the way your words came out shaky and choked up, you were having just as hard a time believing the words that spilled from your lips. I know that you want this just as bad as I do...

"Then why are you naked on top of me?"

You looked away again, tears now streaming down those beautiful cheeks of yours. I hated making you cry, but this was a good thing. You crying like that was all I needed to let me know that you couldn't possibly want to go through with this... you've left me no choice, darling.

"How could you possibly want to let this go, Gerard?" I kissed him again, clenching my lids tightly shut as my own tears began to surface underneath them. "This feels so right, you and me. We're so fucking perfect! I know you feel it too, Gerard, don't fucking lie to me and say you don't!"

Why I was shouting at you, I'll never know. You squirmed to get away from me, but I somehow managed to keep the grip on you tight enough to keep you on top of me.

"You know how I feel about her, Frank... This is it for me and you. We're over, I can't do this anymore. I'm going to marry her, and that's all there is to it," you said, wiggling away from me again, this time succeeding.

The mere mention of you marrying her was enough to make every bone in my body weak, and I could no longer hold you hostage. The breath got stuck in my lungs, making me feel like I was on the verge of hyperventilating as you quickly tried to retrieve your discarded clothes that were strewn randomly around the room. I can tell that you were trying to make your escape quickly before I was able to stop gasping for air and make an actual sentence.

"What about how you feel about me?"

Those words were no louder than a whisper, but were enough to stop you dead in your tracks, leaving you completely frozen as you attempted to leave. I'm sure a million different things were running through your mind, but I knew that you would never say them to me. You always were much too stubborn for that.

Still completely naked, I somehow found the strength to get up from the bed, and walked over to you. I reached for your arm, and I felt you shiver. You always shivered under my touch, Gee. I know that I was your weakness, too.

"Tell me, Gerard. What am I to you?" I pleaded with you, looking deep in your eyes, begging you to stay.

"You're only the best I ever had..."

And with that, you were gone. Out of my bed, out of my hotel room, and out of my life.