Lost In Pacific Time

I chew on my protein bar as I walk from my gym and over to Coal Harbour. Maybe I overreacted but I’m sure there’s some way to revive my relationship with Amber. The great thing about Amber was that she didn’t need the whole begging on my knees thing to forgive me. She either forgave you or she never wanted to see you again. On my way to Amber’s house I walked into the pink awning building. The Cupcake Store.

“Half a dozen, red velvets.” I tell the lady behind the counter and she hands me my box of cupcakes and I hand her a twenty.

It was another nice day in Vancouver, the rain usually came in October and luckily Amber and I would both be gone by then. The door man to Amber’s building and I did the whole nod of acknowledgment thing that guys do and I carry the cupcakes into Amber’s building.
The elevator opens and I see Amber waiting on the other side of the doors. She’s dressed up in another pair of her ankle breaking heels and a pair of cut offs looking like one of those dancers in a rap music video. Except I know that Amber can’t dance.

“You going somewhere?” I ask her.

“No…” she says looking at her shoes “I was just going to go over to your place.”

“Oh” I say as she steps out of her heels.

“You can come in.” Amber says holding the heels in her right hand.

“I brought you cupcakes,” I say handing her the box.

Amber reaches into her cupboards and pulls out two plates. “Thanks Milan,”

She puts the cupcakes onto the plates before handing me one. “I’m sorry Milan but I don’t take back what I said.” This isn’t the way things are supposed to go.

“What?” I ask as she peels away the wrapper.

“I don’t believe there can be a Milan and Amber part two but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t entitled to your own opinion.”

I get a sick feeling in my stomach but she doesn’t exactly seem set on her opinion “Amber, you’re one of my oldest friends and I’ve never had to hide the way I feel about you like I have had for the past two weeks. I really like you. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten over you because…”

“It’s the way I left Milan, we never broke up officially and I’ve never had the guts to cough one up.” Amber says calmly.

“Amber, I don’t think that’s it. I think it’s more than the fact that you managed to slip through my fingers.”

“Milan there’s no reason why you should still want to be with me, you basically have your pick of eager women. Eligible women who are nice and normal, who don’t make a living off of their lives being a gong show.”

“There doesn’t have to be a reason, Amber. Relationships aren’t like interior design there isn’t always some winning formula that gets you what you want.”

“But…” Amber begins to protest and that’s when I move closer to her. She sees me and she doesn’t bother flinching or even trying to move. Instead she gets up on her tippy toes so she is closer to eye level with me. I wrap my arms around her waist and hug her closer.
______

I’m not sure which one of us decides that kissing would solve everything but it seems that it does. Even though the spontaneous make out session is reminiscent of the day I left for LA kissing him feels great. Getting nominated for international interior designer of the year feels great this feels better than great. It makes me stop from worrying about the consequences of our actions and keeps me in the moment. Kissing him kind of makes me feel like a teenager again.

The two of us end up lying next to each other on the couch with my entire collection of decorative couch cushions pushed onto the floor. I don’t want to talk about what transpired. I kind of want to tell Milan to leave while I pack up my stuff and leave. I’m frustrated. Not sexually frustrated, frustrated that Milan was right, why does he always have to be right about all things physical, the things I don’t have any control over. Maybe a little sexually frustrated but I don’t want to sleep with him. I want… I’m not sure what I want anymore.

“Amber,” he says brushing away the hair from my face and kissing my forehead. “See, you don’t have to have a reason. Things just happen.”

“What do you want?” I ask stacking the red crumb covered plate.

“I just want things to just go back to the way they were before you left. I know you still like me.” he says burying his face in my neck.

“How do you know that?” I ask letting him pull me onto his lap. It seems that I chose the wrong time to turn my head and look at him because before I can ask any more questions his lips are on mine.

“See you wouldn’t kiss me if you back if you didn’t like me.”

“If I tried to push you away you wouldn’t even feel it.” I say trying to fix my hair.

“But you wouldn’t, because you like me Amber,” he says messing up my hair some more.

“You’re being arrogant.” I state simply.

“That’s how you like me” he says.

Sad thing is its true. That is exactly how I like him.