Shape of My Heart

I woke up and looked out the tour bus window at the moving trees from the bed. I sniffled before rolling over to see that Nick was already out of bed.

“I don’t know man, she’s been sick for a week.” Nick whispered into his phone. “I’m starting to get worried.” There was a short pause. “No, she’s asleep right now.” Another pause. “I don’t know… I may have a doctor come visit her when we get to the hotel in New York. Yeah, I know this happened with Baylee and he was fine but-” Nick stopped to let, I assumed Brian, talk. “Yeah, okay. See you in an hour dude. Bye.” Nick sighed and I rolled over to go back to sleep, but that didn‘t happen. “Katie?” He poked his head in the door. “Are you feeling any better?” He sat on the bed beside me.

“A little.” I sat up and yawned.

“When we get to the hotel in an hour, I’m calling a doctor to visit you, okay?” Nick kissed my forehead and I nodded. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay?” He looked at me concerned and ran his fingers through my tangled brown hair.

“Better than I was yesterday.” I smiled and kissed the palm of his hand. “You worry about me too much.”

“Only because I love you.” He kissed my forehead again. “Get some rest, beautiful. I’ll wake you up when we get to the hotel.” I nodded as he left the small bedroom.

~*~

“So will she be okay?” Nick asked the doctor as he finished my check-up.

“For the moment.” The doctor replied.

“For the moment? What do you mean for the moment?” Nick asked him, a look of panic on his face.

“Nick, calm down, sweetie.” I coughed.

“She has swine flu, Mr. Carter.” The man informed him. Nick’s face went from panicked, to anger in two seconds.

“Swine flu? That was done last year! Don’t lie to me!” Nick looked on the verge of tears. The doctor shook his head to say he wasn’t lying. “Is she…” He looked at me with fear in his eyes. “is she going to die?” He tried to whisper.

“No. She’ll live, but get much, much, worse. I’m sorry.” The man packed his gear. “I pray she’ll get better quickly.” He nodded sincerely and left. After the door closed, Nick sat on the edge of the bed and put his head in his hands.

“This can’t be happening.” Nick whispered. I leaned forward and touched his back.

“Nick…” He looked up at me, his eyes red and puffy. Nick Carter was crying. “Nick, don’t cry. If you cry, I’ll cry, then we’ll both look terrible.” I joked.

“This isn’t a time for jokes, Katie! Do you not know how serious this is? You could die! Damn it!” He stood up and kicked one of the dressers.

“I’ll be okay. Didn’t you hear the doctor? I’m not going to die! I’m going to be okay.” I got out of bed and walked over to him. “Look at me.” He shook his head. “Nickolas, look at me.” He wiped his eyes and looked up at me. “I’ll be okay. I have to get worse before I can get better. I’ll still be there cheering you on. I haven’t missed a tour yet.” Nick wrapped his arms around me and began to cry. “Shh.” I tried to calm him and hugged him back. “Hey, Brian had it, and he’s still here.” I held him out at arm’s length.

“But you’re more valuable to me than Brian is.” Nick’s voice cracked. “You obviously don’t get it.” He ran his hands through his hair and sat me down on the bed. “If I lose you,” He took a seat next to me on the bed. “I don’t know what I’ll do. I’ll lose myself. Katie, I love you so much. I can’t lose you.” He pulled me into him again.

“You won’t lose me.” I said as tears rolled down my cheeks. “I promise.”

Ten minutes later there was a knock on the hotel room door. “I’ll get it.” Nick said and got up to answer the door. “Guys, I don’t think she’s up to visitors right now.”

“Bull shit!” AJ said and walked past Nick. “Hey, Katie.” AJ squat down next to the bed. “How are you feeling?” I looked behind him to see the rest of the Backstreet Boys and New Kids walk into the room. Nick mouthed ‘sorry’.

“Okay for now.” I sighed.

“For now?” AJ asked and looked at Nick.

“Swine flu.” He replied.

“Oh, Kit-Kat. I’m so sorry.” Brian pushed AJ out of the way and leaned down next to me. “I promise, it gets better.” He smiled and kissed my head.

“I know that, it’s Nick you’ll have to convince, though.” I laughed, which was a bad idea. I groaned in pain and clutched onto my stomach.

“Yeah, the less you laugh, the better, sweetie.” Brian said and squeezed my hand.

“Hey, she’s our friend too.” Jordan protested from behind Nick. Everyone else made a circle around my bed.

“Geez, I’m not on my deathbed you guys. You’ll see me tonight at the opening show like always, okay?” As soon as I said ‘deathbed’ I knew it was a bad idea. Nick sighed and walked out into the hallway. “I’ll be right back, guys.” I threw the covers off and followed him into the hallway. “Nick.” He kept walking. “Nick!” He ignored me again. “Nickolas Gene Carter! You stop right there and listen to me!” I ran up to him, another bad idea.

“Why are you making a joke of this? This is serious, Katie!” I grabbed onto his shoulder for support. “You shouldn’t be out of bed.”

“Listen to me.” I looked him directly in the eyes. “I’m going to be okay. I know you don’t think so, but I will be. I’m going to be there every night until I can’t get out of bed, even then I may have someone help me.”

“No you won’t! I don’t want you to get worse then you’re going to be!”

“You can’t tell me what to do! You’re not my parent and going to a concert won’t kill me! I’m not going to break tradition by missing the opening night!”

“Yes you will and that’s final!”

“If you think I’m just going to sit in my room all night, you’re wrong. I will be backstage like every other opening night, and there’s nothing you can do about it!”

“Shows run late, Katie! What if you get tired? What if you get sick?”

“Then I’ll go back to the room! I can take care of myself, Nick! I’m twenty-six years old!” I stormed off back to the room. I had forgotten that everyone was in the room so as soon as I turned the corner, all eyes were on me. “I’m back.” I smiled awkwardly.

“We were just… leaving.” Joey said quickly and everyone ran out of the room.

~*~

“Sorry I’m late! I was in the shower. You still taking visitors?” Kelsi walked in and shut the door behind her. She took one look at me and ran to the bed. “Whatever happened, I know it’ll be okay.”

“Nick and I fought…” There was a lump forming in my throat.

“Whatever it was over, it’ll go away.” She smiled at me and put her hand on my knee.

“He doesn’t want me to go to the show tonight. He’s afraid I’ll drop dead any second, and that being at the concert will make me worse that I already am.”

“Nonsense! He didn’t mean it! He wants you there!”

“I don’t know, Kels.” I sighed and put my head in my hands. “He’s never gotten that mad at me before. Maybe shouldn’t go tonight…”

“Don’t you dare talk like that! You and I are going to that show, and he’ll be glad you went against his word the second he sees you there.” Kelsi gave me a hug. “Now, let’s get you sexy and go to the arena!”

“I think I’ll just wear my sweats and t-shirt. Not really well enough to look ‘sexy’.” I smiled at Kelsi.

“Right… nearly forgot about the whole swine thing.” She looked at me in deep thought. “I call doing your hair and makeup!” She grabbed my arm and dragged me into the bathroom.

~*~

“Kelsi! You look amazing!” Nick smiled and gave her a hug and kissed her cheek. “And you,” Nick turned and pointed at me. “I told you to stay in the room.” He took me to the side so no one would eavesdrop.

“And I told you I was going to the show, and I meant it. I’m not going to miss your opening night! I’ve never missed one and-” Nick held his index finger to my lips.

“Fine. But promise me if you feel sick, or dizzy, or whatever, you’ll go back to the room?”

“Promise.” I held out my pinky finger. Nick locked his with mine and kissed my cheek.

“Well, time to go on… wish me luck?” Nick looked down at me and kissed my forehead.

“You don’t need it.” I smiled and pushed him. “Now get out there and knock ‘em dead!” I yelled after him as the crowd got louder.

~*~

“Man, that was awesome!” Nick came running under the stage. “Babe, did you see me?” Nick ran up to me and picked me up.

“Gross, Nick!” I laughed as he put me down. “I’m sweaty enough, geez!”

“Yeah, man. Have some respect for the lady.” AJ followed him down and put his arm around Kelsi.

“God! What’s that awful smell!?” Kelsi plugged her nose.

“What? You don’t like my natural scent, hon?” AJ asked and wrapped her in a tight hug.

“Come on man. Have some respect for the lady.” Nick mocked and casually put his arm around me.

“Oh, you wanna go there, dude? Really?” AJ held his arms out. “Come at me bro.” That very second Nick ran and jumped on him.

“Hey! Careful! No hurting the future husband!” Kelsi separated them and I rolled my eyes.

“Come on, Kels. It’s only a little fun.” I winked at her.

“Yeah, it’s just a little fun.” AJ pouted.

“Oh, hush.” She laughed and hugged him.

“So you did okay tonight, then?” Nick asked as he made his way over to me.

“Absolutely.” I smiled. “I told you I’d be okay.” I stuck my tongue out at him.

“Fine, you were right.” He hugged me. “But you’re going back to the hotel tonight. No after party for you!” He wagged his finger at me then grabbed my hand.

“Wasn’t planning on it!” I laughed.

“Come on, let’s go. Bye guys!” Nick waved over his shoulder.

“Bye! See you all tomorrow!” I waved at everyone and let go of his hand.

“What are you doing?” He asked.

“I thought we were keeping us a secret for now.” I rose an eyebrow at him and walked to the door.

“I think it’s time we let it be known, don’t you? I mean, it’s been a month and a half.” He grabbed my hand and led me outside. The second the door opened we were greeted my screaming fans.

“Nick! Katie!” Our names surrounded us as we walked out the door.

“Sorry, guys” Nick apologized immediately. “Katie’s a bit under the weather and I was just about to take her back to our room so-”

“It’s okay, Nick. I’ll wait on the bus for you.” I smiled at him. Suddenly a million cameras flashed.

“But-”

“Nick, I can take care of myself. You can’t let down all these fans.” I pointed at the girls standing at the barrier. He hesitated for a moment, then gave in.

“Alright. Don’t open the door unless it’s someone you know. I’ll be there in half an hour, forty-five minutes tops.” He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my cheek and the camera flashes doubled in speed.

“I won’t.” I smiled. “I’ll see you in a little while!” I wrapped my jacket tighter around me as a breeze hit me. I made my way to the bus, but was stopped by a very evil looking Marcy.

“Hello, Katie.” Marcy smirked.

“Sorry, mom always taught me not to talk to bitches.” I walked past her.

“What’s the rush? I just wanted to talk.” She caught up with me.

“Listen, I’m sorry that Nick broke up with you so harshly. I had nothing to do with that.” I picked up my pace, running out of breath. Damn you, swine flu.

“No, I didn’t want to talk about that.” She laughed. “I’m here to convince you to break up with him.” I stopped.

“What?”

“I know we never really got along, but I don’t want to see you hurt the way I was, and let’s face it. I was perfect for Nick. He was with me before he even thought of dating you and-”

“Marcy.” I interrupted. “I hate to burst your bubble, but he kissed me before he even laid eyes on you.” Her jaw dropped. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get some rest before I pass out.” I walked past her.

“You’d better watch your back, slut. I know where you live, and I will steal Nick back from you one day. Just watch!” She called after me. I rolled my eyes and punched in the code to the door of the tour bus.