A Handful of Moments, I Wished I Could Change

I took a deep breath, stepping out the my car, and walked to the back door of the venue. I flashed the pass Cass had dropped off to the security guy and moved through the busy halls looking for any of my friends. "Ariana!" Jack cheered, running over to me. I smiled and hugged him. "I missed you Jack Attack" I told him, kissing his check. He smiled and let go of me. "Your belly got bigger!" He pointed to it. I rested my hand on my growing stomach, and nodded at him happily. "I know! This baby is making me a whale" I said. He chuckled and grabbed my hand. "Let's go see everyone else. We have been stoked to see you since we got here" He told me dragging me along with him to a dressing room.

Stephen, and Brian from The Summer Set, Cassadee, Jersey, Rian, Alex, Matt, and Vinny all sat around the room. "Look who I found!" Jack announced walking into the room with me in tow. "Ariana!" Everyone yelled. Alex hopped up and quickly made his way over to me. He swiftly pressed his lips against mine, and wrapped his arms around me. I smiled into the kiss before slowly pulling away. "Hey Lex" I whispered resting my forehead against his. He looked down at my stomach, and rested his hand on it. "You look adorable" He told me, kissing my check. Blushing, I quietly thanked him, and turned to address everyone else. "Hey guys" I gave a small wave and smiled at everyone. I situated myself on one of the couches, next to Brian Dales. "Big Bri!" I squealed hugging him. He cringed, "Mmm, that nickname still cutie?"He asked hugging me back. I shrugged,"You're the one who watched The Breakfast Club with me." I smiled. Stephen laughed, and patted Brian on the back. "Why are you laughing Stephanie Tanner?" I asked him, smirking. Alex laughed, and sat next to me, pulling me into him. Stephen stuck his tongue out, and went to checking things on his phone.
"Pregnancy has changed you bro" Vinny kidded, smiling at me. I shrugged innocently. "You still love me Vincent." He nodded, and sipped a beer.

"So! I was wondering when you guys were going to announce this whole pregnancy. We all know the fans don't do well with secrets being kept. I know this is a delicate, personal time for you guys but I do think it'll be a shit storm if we don't address this in the right way." Matt says, looking around for anyone's opinion. "You guys could always make a blog or twitter post?" Cassadee suggested. Alex nodded and looked at me. "How would you feel about letting fans know?" He rubbed my arm. I bit my lip, and looked around at everyone. "The fans have the right to know. But I do want some form of privacy. I don't mean to sound over-bearing or bitchy but before any friends post things about the baby, can it be okay-ed by me? I just don't want things being put out there before I want them to be. Like the babies sex, name, due-date. Stuff like that" Everyone agreed. "That is completely understandable Ar. We will all do our best to make you feel comfortable" Matt assured me. I smiled at everyone around me, and nodded my head.

I stood side stage as my boys bounced around on stage. I giggled as Jack ran around on stage, climbing onto anything he could and bothering everyone. Alex glanced over at him, and shook his head as he continued singing "Damned If I Do Ya, Damned If I Don't"
The song came to a close and Alex waited for the crowd to calm down a little before speaking again. He glanced over at me, and smiled, and then faced the fans. "As most of you know we finally fucking finished recording for our new album." He paused while hundreds of girls screamed. I laughed, and looked over at Cass who simply smirked at me. "I'm not too sure when it's coming out yet, and I'm sorry for that. But would you guys like to hear a new song off it?" Cass linked arms with mine, as more screams rang out from the crowd. "Now this song means a lot to me. I wrote it pretty recently, and it just barely made the record. There is a pretty amazing girl in my life at the moment, and I haven't always been the best guy, yet she is still always there for me. And I plan on standing by her side through anything. So," he looked over at me, his dark eyes looking into mine, "this is my apology for any time I made you mad, or cry, or wasn't there when I should have been. You're all I want, all I know and I want you to remember that, forever. Even when I'm miles away on tour." He looked back at the crowd and began to play.

Paint yourself a picture, something perfectly obscure
To hide away the messes behind your manicure
And all of my obsessing to find the perfect words
Sick of second guessing, I didn't mean to make you hurt
Didn't mean to make you hurt, hurt hurt

What do you say when your heart's not in it, your heart's not in it?
What do you do when you just don't get it, you just don't get it?
Where do you go when you reach your limit, you reach your limit?
'Cause all I know, all I know is
You are my only one, you are my only one
You are my only one, that's all I know, you're all I know

Break another mirror to keep away the stares
Of another guilty reflex, a reflection left in tears
And all of my obsessing, tell me what was it worth?
Guess I should have learned my lesson, I didn't mean to make you hurt
Didn't mean to make you hurt, hurt, hurt

What do you say when your heart's not in it, your heart's not in it?
What do you do when you just don't get it, you just don't get it?
Where do you go when you reach your limit, you reach your limit?
'Cause all I know, all I know is
You are my only one, you are my only one
You are my only one, that's all I know, you're all I know

Wake me early, I've been dreaming
Dreaming that I'm only, only good enough for me and no one else
So wake me early, I've been dreaming
Dreaming that I'm only, only good enough for me and no one else

What do you say when your heart's not in it, your heart's not in it?
What do you do when you just don't get it, you just don't get it?
Where do you go when you reach your limit, you reach your limit?
'Cause all I know, all I know is
You are my only one, you are my only one
You are my only one, that's all I know, it's all I know
You are my only one, you are my only one
You are my only one, that's all I know, you're all I know

By the end of the song, tears were rushing down my face. I rested one hand on my belly, and began to wipe my eyes. Alex set the guitar down, and rushed off stage over to me. "Did you-" I cut him off by pressing my lips firmly to his. One of his arms snaked around my waist, while the other rested on the side of my stomach. Both of mine wound around his neck, messing with the ends of his sweaty hair. He pulled away, and rested his forehead against mine, leaning in quickly to peck my lips again. I unwound my arms, but couldn't resist kissing him again. He chuckled and looked back out onto the stage. His thumb wiped away more tears, and he then quickly leaned over to kiss my shirt covered belly. "I love you." He told me, before rushing out onto stage again. I looked over at Cass, "Thanks for the heads up" I giggled.She shrugged and hugged me, "Alex wouldn't let any of us tell you more than he already had." I hugged her back, and focused my attention back on stage.
"Alex, baby.... You didn't have to write that song for me, just suck my dick" Jack said, the most serious look on his face. The crowd cheered. Alex laughed and wiggled his eyebrows, "Why not both..?" I laughed, shaking my head. These guys will always be this way, and they will always be my boys.

I sat with Alex in his and Rian's living room, with Cass and Rian on the couch across from us. Alex was currently typing up his letter to his fans on the blog. I was wringing my hands, terrified for what's to come. "Ar, calm down. Everything will be just fine." Rian told me, but looking at him I could clearly see he was worried about the fans reactions as well. "I'm done..." Alex spoke, still staring at the screen. We all huddled around the computer and read what we had written.

"Hey guys,
It's been awhile since I've written a post. I guess this blog didn't exactly do it's job to interact with you guys more did it?
Well I have some big news I want to share with you all, and it's very important to me.
As many of you know, I am seeing someone. You guys all know her as our best friend, Ariana. Now the real news comes. Sometime this year Ariana and I will become parents. I don't want to go into much detail yet, but I will try to keep you guys as updated as possible as time goes on. Ariana and I hope you will respect our privacy for a little bit, and hope you understand. She and I both need time to adjust to the pregnancy and idea of being parents. I absolutely love her, and our child and I hope you guys will grow to feel the same.

Now I know most of you must be freaking out for various reasons, but I need you all to know that All Time Low is not breaking up, nor am I leaving the band. We have made it this far, and not just as a band, but as friends. We can make this all work.

You guys are all so amazing, and supportive. I know deep in my heart (and balls) that you guys will come around to this and support my family and I. Thank you all for everything you have done for me. I love you all, and hope you understand.

Goodnight.
xo- Alex Gaskarth."

"Balls, really Alex?" I asked him, smiling. He shrugged, "It couldn't all be serious. What did you guys think?" He looked around at us. "I think it covered everything it should for the time being" Rian said, Cassadee nodded agreeing. "It's good Alex. Post it" I told him, pecking his lips.

I watched as he linked it to his twitter, and posted the letter to his blog.
He shut the laptop and leaned back against the couch. I cuddled into his side, as he shut his eyes. "What now?" I asked him, glancing over to Cassadee and Rian.

"Now, we wait"