Her Remedy

With shaky hands, she tore the envelope open. Melissa couldn’t fight the tears that were rolling down her face. What the fuck happened to being positive? She thought to herself. Before pulling out the piece of paper that can determine her future, she sat down at her study table just in case.

She pulled the folded piece of paper from the envelope and placed it on the table. I can’t do this, she thought to herself. But she knew she needed to. Her future isn’t the only one on the line. No, he needs to know this too, she reminded herself.

His voice rang in her head. “Whatever it is, I will still love you. Always.”

Then she broke down. Her stupidity has caused so much heartache to those who were closest to her. One by one they’ve distanced themselves away from her. She’s losing all her closest friends due to her being the idiot that she was.

------------------------

(3 years ago)

Melissa squatted down at the back alley of an abandoned building with two guys she had made friends with when she went for an alcoholic treatment 5 months prior. She looked on as Jesse, the older one, with unkempt blonde hair injects himself with heroin. After he was done with it, he passed the syringe to his brother Chris who then injects himself with the same substance.

“Here,” Chris passed the syringe to Melissa and for a moment she just looked down on the syringe contemplating to take it or not. Noticing her reluctance, Chris took the syringe from her hand. “Let me help you with that,” he said.

“Newbie,” Jesse muttered then proceeded to smirk in her direction.

Melissa didn’t protest when Chris took hold of her arm and begin tying a rubber string on her upper arm. Then like an experienced doctor, he tapped her arm a few times. She closed her eyes and braced for the pain. When the needle punctured her skin, she cringed and almost flinched if not for Chris holding her hand in place.

And when it was done, Chris pulled out the syringe and threw it on the ground. She could feel the effects coming in. Suddenly, the weight of the world that she was feeling on her shoulders were lifted off and she felt light. She felt as though she had nothing to worry about and she welcomed that feeling. She looked at her two companions, realising they were eyeing her to see her reactions.

A grin formed on her face and the three of them laughed.

--------------------------------

(2 years ago)

She welcomed the feeling as she finished injecting herself with a dose of heroin. For the past year, she has been doing this almost every week. She tried to quit a few times but every time she tried to quit, she failed miserably. Every time she tried to quit, the withdrawal effects were too much for her to handle and eventually she will fall back to this heinous course and though she hates how bad she felt every time the effect wore off, she finds herself injecting the substance anyways.

The drug began to take its toll on her body. She didn’t look healthy at all, and she always made sure that she wears long sleeved shirt to cover up the scars on her arm.

Since she started college, she didn’t get the chance to see Chris and Jesse as often as she liked. Those two were like brothers to her but to come and think about it, every time they met up, it was always for the same bloody thing. Shooting up heroin. She can’t help but to feel like she wants more than just meeting up every fucking time to shoot heroin.

Then her wish came true when she met him.

She could remember it as though it was just yesterday. She just finished class and was rushing to go back home to shoot another round of heroin. She bumped into a man and her books fell down.

“Oh God, I’m so sorry,” he said as he bent down to help her with her books and notes that are scattered on the ground. When he handed her books to her, their gazes met and Melissa could not fight the butterflies that began to form at the pit of her stomach. He was gorgeous. “I’m sorry, I’m such a klutz.”

She smiled genuinely at him. “It’s alright,” she said. And when he smiled at her, the butterflies in her stomach began to fly around wildly. It was weird because she had never felt this way before. Suddenly she forgot about everything else in the world except for this man right here.

“I’m Arin,” he said while extending his hand at her.

She grabbed her hand gently and shook it. “Melissa, nice to meet you.”

He smiled again which only made her heart skipped a beat. “If you’ve got a minute to spare, it’d be awesome if you can join me for a cup of coffee,” he said motioning towards the cafe down the street. “Just an ‘I’m sorry’ treat on me.”

She’d agreed, of course and it was the best thing she had ever done in her life. She had the most amazing conversations with Arin during their 2 hour long conversation. Somehow, this man had made her forget all about the drugs. It was, like, he was her remedy that she’s been looking for all these years. He didn’t judge her when he accidentally saw the puncture wounds on her arm. She was embarrassed when he saw them, and she was ready for the hurtful remarks that she expected him to make. But he didn’t judge her.

“We all have our flaws, Lis,” he said, calling her by the nickname he’d given her for himself. He caressed her hand while he continued. “It’s just a matter of not letting our flaws get the best of us. And I won’t let that control you.”

-------------------------------

(9 months ago)

She couldn’t feel anything. She wanted to cry, she wanted to fall down on her knees and just cry her eyes out, but the tears won’t come out. When she got the phone call from Isobel, Jesse’s mother, that he’d died because of AIDS, her throat went dry.

“AIDS? What do you mean AIDS?” she asked, almost shouting with fear. Arin just got back from running some errands and when he heard her almost screaming upstairs, he rushed to their bedroom.

“He was positive with AIDS, Mel, that’s why I called you,” Isobel said.

Melissa hung up on Isobel and put the phone down. Then she looked at Arin who stood at the doorway. Everything went through her mind as she tried to wrap around this new information. Jesse had AIDS. Jesse and I shared needles. Arin...

Tears fell down her face as she realised what that meant. The last time she shared a needle with Jesse was almost a year ago. It’s too long ago, I’d never get AIDS, she thought. Her eyes glanced from every direction in the room while she tried to comprehend the situation. When her eyes fell on Arin, she broke down. She had jeopardized the person she loved the most because of her own stupidity. She didn’t want Arin to waste his life with her if she has AIDS. What if she’d infected him? Oh God, I’ve robbed him of his future, she thought frantically. “What have I done? Oh God, what have I done?”

She felt a pair of hands around her in an instant. She welcomed Arin’s warmth as he pulled her towards him in a tight embrace. He was crying with her. “I’m sorry, Arin,” she sobbed. She felt him plant a kiss on her forehead which only made her sob harder. “I’m so so sorry, Arin.”

“Baby, it’s alright,” he assured her as he rocked her in his arms trying to calm her down. “It’s not your fault, Lis, don’t cry,” he said. She didn’t stop crying, she couldn’t stop crying. Not when his life is on the line. He caressed her hair and nuzzled her cheek. “Don’t cry, baby. It’ll be okay.”

“No, it won’t be okay!” she cried out trying to break free from his grasp. He backed off and looked at her as she had her knees to her chest and rocked back and forth. “I might be dying, Arin. I might have been infected with AIDS!” she said as she sobbed harder. Tears fell down his cheeks. “And, oh God, I might have passed it to you too, and if I did, I swear I’ll never forgive myself,” she said. Arin started to speak but Melissa didn’t give him a chance to speak. “Why are you still with me, Arin? I’ve done nothing but making your life a living hell.

“You had to drag me to rehab 3 fucking times. I’ve embarrassed you in front of our friends. Your family have disowned you because of me! Why are you still with me, Arin? I’m a trash, I’m a pain in everyone’s asses! My skin is filled with scars of my past that I wish to eliminate; I’m a good for nothing human being who deserve nothing more than death itself!”

Arin went to his girlfriend and pulled her back into his embrace despite her protests. “I’m still with you because you’re my girlfriend and I love you! No, look at me!” he said firmly and cupped her cheeks and made her look at him. “I love you. I don’t care if you have AIDS, I don’t fucking care if you think you’re a trash. And I surely could care less about your scars because to me you’re beautiful.”

Melissa sobbed harder as he continued. “Don’t you know that, Lis? Don’t you know that you’re beautiful? Every fucking inch of you. Your scars, your fears and all those mistakes you’ve made in the past because all of them, every single one of them are a part of you. I’m not in love with your body, I’m in love with you, Melissa Nicole Brown.

“Sure, I had to practically drag you to rehab 3 fucking times but you know what? It worked, didn’t it? You’ve been off heroin for 9 months now and I’m so proud of you for being able to achieve that,” he said. Still sobbing, Melissa reached up and wiped a tear from her beloved’s face. “I love you, Melissa, I really do. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and no...” he cut Melissa off as she tried to interrupt. “I don’t care if you have AIDS or not.”

-----------------------------

(1 month ago)

Melissa could feel the anxiety building up. She looked at Arin as he parked the car into the parking lot outside the clinic. As he looked at the man beside her, she could feel her nervousness subside. Looking at this man will always make her calm. Everything about Arin is sexy. The way he talks to people, the way he looks at you when he speaks – you’d know that he’s speaking from his heart. She smiled at herself as he looked at Arin’s movements. He is adorable, she thought.

As if he could read her mind, he looked at her direction. Noticing that she was staring at him, he frowned. “Do I have something on my face? I have something on face,” he said then he looked at his reflection at the rear mirror. Melissa had to giggle at this. Arin looked at her with confusion. “What’s so funny? What were you staring at?”

Melissa shook her head and smiled at him. “Nothing, baby. I was just admiring this dork that I happen to be in love with.”

He beamed and grinned. “And that dork loves you too,” he said before leaning in, planting a kiss on her lips. She smiled against his kiss and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to deepen the kiss. It transformed from an innocent, gentle peck on the lips into a passionate kiss. As his hands travelled to her waist, she felt a familiar warmth coursing through her body, her body longing to be pressed up against Arin’s.

She moaned as she felt Arin’s soft lips at the base of her throat. Arin chuckled and gave her another peck on the lips. “We have to go, Lis,” he said simply. Her heart sank at his words. It was like as if someone was gnawing at the lining of her stomach – she was nervous as hell. Noticing her reluctance, Arin grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze. “It will be alright, I promise.”

She wanted to protest, to tell him that it might not be alright. Sometimes she admired his positivity and wished she could be like him. Instead of thinking about the worst, he would always look at the positive side of things. And when it doesn’t go his way, he’d just shrug and say, “Oh well, luck isn’t with me this time,” with that adorable smile on his face. If only she could be as optimistic as him.

The two love birds walked hand in hand towards the clinic to get tested for HIV.

-------------------------------

(Present)

The folded paper still reside in her hands – she still haven’t taken a peek at the results. She was trembling with fear, dreading to read the words written on the paper. She has a 50% chance of being HIV negative but she wasn’t sure if she falls under that category. When she met the doctor a month ago, he’d told her that that chances of not getting infected were quite slim, seeing as she had shared a needle with a man who was HIV positive. But Dr. Miller told her to be positive as it does not mean that she didn't have any chances of being negative.

“Lis?” She heard Arin calling her name from downstairs. She quickly wiped her tears and shoved the folded piece of paper into the envelope. “Baby, are you home?”

“I’m upstairs!” she called out, her voice breaking due to her unstable emotions.

A second later Arin emerged. The sight of him always made her heart skip a beat – this man is gorgeous and he never failed to make her feel better at any time of the day.

“What are you–,” his gaze trailed towards the envelope in her hands. He came nearer and kneeled next to her. “The results,” he said and she nodded at his words. He looked at her questioningly. “Well?”

Tears started to roll down her face again. Oh God, I’m sick of crying already! She thought. “I haven’t... I can’t...” she trailed off, unable to find the right words to say.

Arin nodded and he took the envelope from her hands. “We’ll do this together, okay?” He said and she nodded. Turning to look at her fully, he stared at her face, just basking in the beauty that is his soul mate. He then leaned in and planted a passionate kiss on her lips and she pulled him closer to her to deepen the kiss. “I love you, Melissa, and no matter what the results say, I will love you, forever and always. I will never leave you,” he said in between their kisses.

Melissa took a deep breath and took the folded piece of paper from the envelope. With shaky hands, she unfolded the paper. Her body felt as though it was drained of blood. Her heart stopped beating for a fraction of a second when she read through the test results. There were lines and lines of words; she didn’t know what was important and what was not. There were too many medical jargons here and she was growing impatient at reading the terms that she hardly understood.

Then her eyes fell at the words below all the wall of texts. She read the line for almost 10 times before looking up from the results. She stared at the blank wall ahead of her as the results slipped through her hand. Oh my God, oh my God, she repeated in her head.

She looked at her lover’s eyes as he, too, have read the test results. He threw the test results on the floor and wrapped his arms around his girlfriend’s body. Melissa, rendered to tears due to the test results hugged Arin back as tightly as she could. It’s all over now, it’s all over... she thought.

Arin kissed every part of her face as both of them sat there and cried. Arin tugged at her left hand and slipped something cold around her ring finger. Melissa looked down at her ring finger and gasped as she saw the most beautiful diamond ring she has ever seen. Holy mother of God, this isn't happening, she thought. Tears were flowing freely down her face now as Arin knelt on one knee in front of her.

“What the fuck are you doing, Arin?” she asked warily although she already knew what he was doing. She just couldn’t believe her eyes.

“Exactly what you think I’ma do,” he said as a grin formed on his tear stricken face. “I’m no good with romantic speeches but I just want you to know that you are my soul mate. I love you with all my being and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. That test results,” he pointed to the piece of paper lying on the floor. “They don’t mean a fucking thing. I've loved you before and I sure as hell going to love you after all that we've been through. I love you and I want to marry you.”

“Yes! Yes fuck yes, Arin, I want to marry you!” she said jumping on Arin before he could say anything further. Both of them fell on their bed, hands around each other as they hugged and kissed in happiness.

Melissa had never felt so alive in her life. For once, when she thought her world was crumbling down, she had been given another chance. Another chance to make things right, to make things happen. She looked at her fiancé’s face and smiled gratefully. I am going to make the best out of my life.

Dear Melissa Brown,

HIV TEST RESULTS

We are pleased to inform you that your blood does not show any traces of immunodefiency syndrome or HIV. Enclosed with this letter are test results explained in detail. Jesse's AIDS did not develop until about 10 months ago and since you have been off of drugs for close to a year, you did not get AIDS.

We urge you to continue maintaining your healthy lifestyle for the sake of the people around you. Enclosed are fact sheets and a guide for you to prevent HIV.

Sincerely,
Dr. Michael Miller.