I Don't Wanna See No More

[Joe]

I played all the recordings Nick sent me; Kate’s beautiful voice filled my hotel room. She was a genius. I smiled as she shared the story of the toy lion I gave her one-day when she was freaking out about her music and her career in general.

I longed to see her, I longed to hold her and tell her that I was still here. That it was still in the plan to come back to her.

But we promised each other we wouldn’t talk like that. We wouldn’t make plans to get back together because we couldn’t earnestly say that we would get back together for sure, even if we both wanted it.

“Joe, your flight leaves in an hour, we should get going,” my manager said to me. It was weird that it wasn’t my dad coming in here, telling me to hurry and then giving me some words of encouragement.

I grabbed my backpack and phone making my way out of the hotel to the car taking us to the airport.

Getting on the plane, I couldn’t get Kate out of my mind. Of course, it would’ve been easier if I wasn’t playing her live show through my headphones but I didn’t want her to necessarily leave my mind. I stared at the empty chair next to me and began to think of Kate even more and all the adventures we were lucky enough to go on.

”Are you excited? Cause I am excited!” She smiled as she bounced around in her chair.

“Kate, I’m thrilled to be going on this trip, I mean, we’re going to Costa Rica, how could I not be!?” I said, trying to match her enthusiasm.

“Well, what can we do on the flight to occupy ourselves in the meantime?” She asked. I thought about it and grinned.

“Besides that,” she rolled her eyes.

“You don’t even know what I was thinking,” I said defensively.

“Oh please, I know what you were thinking, I know that grin of yours but we’re not doing it. Sorry, Charlie,” she said shaking her head, allowing her long hair to go all over the place.

“Actually, the name’s Joe,” I smirked.

“Oops, you’re right, Charlie is my other boyfriend,” she said in a sarcastic tone.

“But really, what are we going to do?” She asked as I put my headphones in.

“I’m going to listen to my music and fall asleep,” I told her, she pouted.

“Joe that’s sooooo boring, and that means I’m all alone on this flight,” she whined. I shrugged.

“Sorry, babe, I’m sure you’ll figure something out,” I squeezed her thigh and put my headphones in.

“Penis,” I heard her say in a steady voice as I was choosing a song to play.

“Kate,” I warned.

“Penis,” she said a little bit louder.

“Kate, my parents are right there with Frankie,” I warned her.

“Penis,” she said increasing the volume of her voice once more, raising her eyebrows at me. Nick looked over at us from across the aisle.

“ Kate, seriously,” I laughed, not being able to hold a straight face or be at all stern with her.

“Penis!” She shouted, everyone on the flight was looking at her. My family, our band, the dancers, everyone.

I covered her hand with my mouth and pulled her into my chest as we began laughing at the situation. .

“Joe,” I heard someone say

“Penis!” I shouted aloud, immediately turning red when I realized I just yelled “penis” at my manager who was shaking me awake.

“Right, we’re at the LAX now,” he said, clearly weirded out by my behavior.

“Oh, yeah, uh, sorry, Mark, I was dreaming,” I said, realizing my excuse didn’t make it sound any better.

“I mean, I was dreaming about Kate!” I corrected, also realizing how horrible that sounded.

“Gah, I mean, I was recalling Kate when we played the penis game,” I said, frustrated on how weird I was making everything sound.

“No need to explain yourself to me, Jonas, just be glad it was me you screamed it to,” Mark chuckled. I nodded as I grabbed my backpack to exit the plane.

Turning my phone off from airplane mode, I began receiving text messages, three from Nick.

-Dude, she’s pretty broken up about this whole break up-
-I mean, she broke down after the show-
-Maybe you should call her-

I read all three of them, feeling a little more heartbroken than before knowing that Kate had a breakdown because Kate is not the crying type. She never allowed herself to cry for fear of looking weak.

As I navigated my way through the LAX, avoiding the cameras and all the fans that were around, I got into the SUV that was waiting for me.

“Where to, Mr. Jonas?” He asked me and I hesitated.

“Park La Brea apartments,” I said to the driver, he nodded.

The whole car ride, I contemplated whether I should tell the driver never mind and take me back to West Hollywood to my apartment but I couldn’t, we were already at the gate of her apartment complex.

“Should I wait for you?” The driver asked. Ideally, I wanted to say no, that Kate would drive me back home.

“My brother can pick me up, you go, I’m sure your wife is waiting,” I smiled at him, taking my backpack with me. The driver thanked me and drove away. I walked up to the gate and typed in the ever too familiar code.

I stood there nervously by the gate. I hadn’t seen her in four months. We had no communication and I only knew what she was up to thanks to Twitter and her website. I thought of the worst-case scenario. That she would shut the door on me and tell me she didn’t want to see me right now.

But the thought of her crying and breaking down over powered my insecurities as I made my way up to her apartment. I took a deep breath and knocked on her door. I heard a loud thump and then a few seconds later, I heard her come to the door. She opened it and as she gasped, I slowly lifted my eyes to meet hers.

Her dark brown eyes were red from crying. Her long black hair rested around her face as she swept her long bangs behind her ears. She was in a black v-neck that looked like one from my personal collection that covered her bare thighs and the shorts she was wearing underneath.

“Hi,” I said nervously, restraining myself from pulling her into my arms, letting her know it was all-okay, that I was here, feeling the same pain and same desire as she was.

“Joe, what are you doing here?” She asked, sniffling a little bit.

“I guess, I just, well, I wanted to see how you were,” I said, fumbling for something to say.

“But, I mean, you know, we agreed that we wouldn’t see each other for a while,” she said, also sounding nervous and unsure.

“Can I come in?” I asked, feeling a little more confident. She opened the door a little wider, allowing me to enter her apartment.

I took in the familiar surroundings. She was incredibly clean. She shut the door behind me and led me downstairs where her living room was. Her living room was the same. Welcoming couches we picked out from IKEA with her flat screen mounted on the wall. All the photos were the same too. She still had the ones of us together and the ones of her family hanging on the wall.

“Well, sit, can I get you something?” She asked me but I shook my head no. She stared down at her hands in her lap.

“I’m sorry I just came by, I actually just got back in from Chicago, I don’t know, I just, I felt like I needed to see you,” I said, not mentioning what Nick shared with me but also not lying to her completely.

“Oh. Yeah, I listened to you this morning streaming on my computer, congratulations by the way,” she quivered a little. I noticed a tear came down her cheek.

“Oh Kate, come here,” I couldn’t control myself anymore. I pulled her into my arms and she lost it. Tears came pouring out onto my shirt as she began to sob, her body shaking every so often as she let it all out.

“It’s okay,” I whispered to her, as I also allowed a few tears to come out.

“I’m-I’m so-so-so-sorry,” she stuttered out as she continued to cry.

“It’s okay, cry, baby, let it out,” I ran my hands through her hair as she shook her head.

“I’m sorry we, that-that we aren’t together, that I couldn’t figure out how we could both do our careers right now and, and still have each other,” she continued to cry.
“It’s not your fault. It’s not at all your fault, shhh, it’s okay, I’m here right now,” I promised her.

After a few minutes, Kate stopped crying and pulled away to look at me. I saw the need she had for me in her eyes. And I knew she saw my need for her in my own eyes.

“Just one more night, Joe, please?” She asked. I cupped her face with my hands and pulled her lips on to mine.

The fire of kissing her hadn’t at all gone out. I felt the rush in my stomach that kissing her brought. She moved onto my lap as my hands rested on her waist, digging my thumbs into her hipbone. She moved and began to nibble my earlobe, causing me to moan into her hair. My hands worked their way up her shirt; she pulled away, allowing me to take it off in one swift movement. I placed one on hand on her heart and felt it beating rapidly. Kate stood up and took my hand in hers and she led me to her familiar bedroom.

As she closed the door, I took off my own shirt and pulled her down onto the bed. She looked up at me with her beautiful brown eyes mixed with lust and want but full of desire.

I lowered myself onto her, resting my weight on my elbows, carefully planting kisses all over her collarbone, I wanted to take her all in one last time. Kate ran her fingers through my hair and caressed my neck with her other hand. I slowly slid her shorts off along with her underwear and stood to remove my own jeans. She reached behind herself to unhook her bra and slowly remove it.

“Oh no,” I said, kind of ruining the moment.

“What?” She pulled me down on top of her. I blushed slightly.

“I don’t have anything,” I said.

“I don’t care,” she whispered. I looked at her quizzically.

“Kate, if something happened,” I said, she cut me off with her lips.

“Joe, I’m on birth control, we should be fine and, and, I just want to feel you, all of you,” she said.

“I love you,” I said, moving the hair away from her face.

Placing kisses all over her body and allowing my hands to roam freely, I heard her moan, growing impatient at how long I was taking. Slowly, I lowered my self into her, taking each second to feel all of her. I let out a slightly gasp not realizing how incredibly amazing this all felt without wearing any type of protection.

I began to thrust into her at a slow place, as if I was going through completely new territory, soaking it all in.

“Faster,” she breathed, digging her hips into mine. I lowered myself onto her a little more and began to move at a faster pace.

“Harder, Joe, harder,” she moaned out. I smirked and decided to tease her by slowing down a little bit, rocking slowly.

Kate got annoyed and used all her body to turn me over so she was on top.

My hands found her hips and she began to move at a rapid pace.

“Fuck, Kate,” I groaned, feeling her erratic movements making me harder and harder.

I sat up and she continued to ride me, bouncing up and down on me, I rested my face into her breasts as she rested her face in my shoulder, nibbling down on my neck, moaning my name through her teeth.

I began to place kisses all over her breasts, squeezing her nipples with my hands earning a “oh god yes” from her.

Our breathing got more and more unsteady as we began crying out each others names, Kate riding on me faster until I came inside of her and she collapsed down on me.

“Don’t pull out,” she breathed.

I didn’t move yet but waited, sitting here with her, taking it all in a little bit more.

We knew this was it and I’m pretty sure neither of us wanted it to end just yet.