I Don't Wanna See No More

Arriving to the Grove, I saw a line outside of the Starbucks, everyone waiting for the show to start. I was impressed that so many people knew that I was performing. I held my plastic toy lion in the firm grip of my hand and headed into the Starbucks.

There waiting was a built stage that with my keyboard and guitar. There were also two mics, one by a stool and one by my keyboard. I sat down at my keyboard and put my toy lion down so I could warm up.

“Kate, hey,” I looked up from my keyboard and saw Joe’s little brother, Nick.

“Nicholas, you’re here,” I smiled.

“Of course I’m here! I wouldn’t miss an intimate acoustic show of yours,” he said, pulling me into a hug.

“Anyway, I know you have to warm up so I won’t bother you, but I just wanted to say hello,” he smiled leaving me to warm up. It was always nice to have a friendly face you knew in the crowd. It was also nice to know that Nick was still my friend, seeing as I haven’t talked to him since everything really went down between Joe and me.

Soon, the oversized Starbucks was filled at capacity. Nick was sitting on a stool by the barista bar and all the fans were anxious for me to come out. I was in the stockroom waiting at I heard Julia give them the rundown. I soon came out and sat my stool. The cheers came.

“Hey guys! Wow, it’s so good to be so up close and personal with you! It’s been a while but I am stoked to be here performing for you guys,” I smiled at the crowd, plucking my guitar.

“So I wrote this song not too long ago, it’s very close to my heart and it’s for someone I love more than anyone and though they can’t be here right now, I think they’ll be hearing it soon,” I looked over at Nick who had his phone out, hoping that he would tell Joe about it.

“It’s called ‘Cactus in the Valley’ and it goes like this,” I smiled and began to play my song.

“I never meant to wither
I wanted to be tall
Like a fool I left the river
And watch my branches fall
Old and thirsty I longed for the flood to come back around
To the cactus in the valley
that's about to crumble down

And wipe the mark of sadness from my face
Show me that your love will never change
If my yesterday is a disgrace
Tell me that you still recall my name

So the storm finally found me
and left me in the dark
In the cloud around me
I don't know where you are
If this so world comes up in arms
All I can do is stand
And I won't fight for anyone
Until you move my hand

Wipe the mark of madness from my face
Show me that your love will never change
If my yesterday is a disgrace
Tell me that you still recall my name

Oh here, in the shadow
Here I am and I need someone by my side
It becomes so hard to stand
And I keep trying to drive my eyes
Come and find me
In the valley

Wipe the mark of sadness from my face
Show me that your love will never change
If my yesterday is a disgrace
Tell me that you still recall my name

Wiped the mark of sadness from my face
Show me that your love will never change
If my yesterday is a disgrace
Tell me that you still recall my name

Tell me that you still recall my name
Tell me that you still recall my name”

During the song, I allowed a few tears to fall. And when I was done, I stayed silent for a few seconds as the fans cheered for me.

“So yeah, I put a lot of heart and feel in that song, thanks for letting me pour it out to you,” I said awkwardly into the microphone.

Needless to say, this breakup was getting to both of us really badly.

I wanted my Joe back. I needed him back.

[Nick]

Joe was upset that he couldn’t be here. He was even more upset because even if he was in town to be here, he couldn’t face Kate to actually come to her set.

I had my phone out, recording her show as Joe asked me to.

”I don’t know if this is a good idea, Joe,” I thought, recalling our conversation.

”Nick, I just, I need to hear her voice, know how she is doing. Know that she’s okay; please just do this for me. And you like Kate, it would be nice for you to see her,” he begged over the phone.

He was right, it would be nice to see Kate. She is the one girlfriend of Joe’s that our whole family has liked and who has gotten along with Dani.

I could tell this break up was killing her. Sure, she was smiling at the audience and being her awkward, weird self that Joe loved so much but she was tearing up through almost every song.

“Okay, so, this is the last song I’m doing today. It means so much to me that you all came out this afternoon to support this little jam sesh I’ve got going on. The new album is going to be coming out real soon as well so keep your eyes open, “ she said into the microphone and played a few keys on the keyboard. I hit the record button on my phone again.

“This last song was inspired by the person who gave me this toy lion,” she laughed, holding up the toy lion that Joe gave her.

“And if we’re all really quiet, we can hear it roar,” she put the lion to the microphone and everyone hushed to hear the small roar which caused a sea of laughter amongst us.

“I bring this lion out every time I’m on stage because it reminds me to be brave and to share with you what I was told by the person who gave me this lion and inspired me to write this song, I want to remind you that we are pressed hard against everyday and we think, ‘man, it would be so much easier if we could just quit,’ but then where would you be if you quit? So when you feel afraid, or when you feel like giving up, look to whatever your lion may be and remember that you don’t have to feel safe to feel unafraid,” she said as she played a tune. After she was done she went into the intro of her song, “Lions!”

“Give me a disaster,
Give me emergency
Stand me at the head of the crusade
without a remedy
Show me to the shipwreck
Show me how your bones shake
When i'm at the edge of sorrows blade,
Show me how a heart breaks
Be steady on your feet,
matter the trouble you meet

Lions make you brave
Giants give you faith
Death is a charade
You don't have to feel safe
to feel unafraid

Find me at the bottom
looking at the vactures
Standing in the heart of the disease
following my heart cares
I'm looking for the founder,
I'm looking for the blackness
I'm learning how to get up off my knees
and all it takes is practice
Be ready on your feet,
Matter the trouble you meet

Lions make you brave
Giants give you faith
Death is a charade
You don't have to feel safe
to feel unafraid

I'm not the hunter
I'm not the marked
Just looking for wisdom in the dark

Lions make you brave
Giants give you faith
Death is a charade
You don't have to feel safe
to feel unafraid

Lions make you brave
Giants give you faith
Death is a charade
You don't have to feel safe
to feel unafraid
You don't have to feel safe
to feel unafraid”

When she was done, I ended the recording as everyone applauded her when she walked away to go to the storage room of the Starbucks. I saw her wipe her eyes as she left, allowing the tears she was holding in on stage to fall more freely.

I sent Joe all the recordings I had, giving Kate a few minutes to compose herself before knocking on the storage door to comfort and compliment my dear friend.

I only wish there was something I could do for her and Joe to make it better.