Fat Kat

Katerina Jacobs:

3 MONTHS LATER:

3 long months had gone by since that day. Every day it kills me to see Jack in school; every day it tears me apart knowing he’s over me and never speaks of me anymore. Well, that’s what Alex told me anyway. Yeah, Alex and I were still friends with benefits; but it’s a lot different from hoe it started off with. Things are a lot more emotional; passionate even; I can’t even go a few days without spending the night with him.

Yes, I tell Roxy everything; but there’s something about Alex which keeps me coming back for more. He’s like the ultimate protection, and without him I don’t know what I’d do.

And it really scared me.

Graduation was upon us now; and I was rather excited. I watched as people walked up on stage for their 5 minutes of fame; and I couldn’t help but laugh when Jack pulled funny faces walking past. I felt my heart ache when he circled his arm around Samantha’s waist. I hated that bitch with a passion.

I watched Alex step up on stage; and heard as the girls swooned at the sight of him. Raven was glaring each and every one of them down, and I rolled my eyes. She was all for the dramatics these days; Jesus. Alex’s eyes scanned the crowd until they met mine, and he smiled a broad, toothy smile. I couldn’t help but return it.

The tingly feeling I got in my stomach once I saw that smile was worrying me to death on the inside.

Once I got called up, I walked on stage with a happy smile, and collected my diploma. Roxy was standing up cheering loudly, and I noticed my parents in the audience clapping with their tears in their eyes too. Alex was clapping like a mad-man, which Raven didn’t appreciate as she tried glaring me down. I just flipped her off.

Jack... He smiled sweetly. He almost seemed sad. I frowned momentarily; confused. He was sad that I graduated? Because that’s not strange...

Once Raven stood on the stage; I realised that Alex was less-enthusiastic with his clap than he was with mine and Raven noticed too. For a girl he loved so much, I didn’t understand why he wasn’t standing up and cheering like he did for me.

Unless... He couldn’t have feelings for me could he?

I felt stupid for thinking like that and actually laughed at myself. “Are you... Are you laughing at yourself?” A timid voice from behind me spoke; and I knew who it was. Someone who hadn’t spoken to me in 3 months, someone who had been avoiding me like I was a sickness.

Jack Barakat of course.

“Yeah, and what?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at him. He held his hands up in defence, and I let my eyes go back to normal. “Well done for graduating and stuff...” He said, scratching the back of his neck nervously. “Um, yeah... You too.” I said quietly, looking at my feet. Because this wasn’t awkward at all...

“I’m just going to- um, go.” I said slowly, turning away from him. But he grabbed my wrist, and prevented my escape. “What are you doing Jack?” I asked, looking up at him with sad eyes.

“I have something to say.” He said. I noticed Alex in the back ground glaring at the back of Jack’s head. I felt so lost, what the hell was going on here? “Say it then!” I exclaimed, tugging my wrist away from him. He looked me in the eye, and I felt my innards melting on me. I was growing anxious and impatient. I wish he would just say it already!

“I still love you Katerina.”

Oh god, I wish he wouldn’t have said it. My jaw dropped in reply, as I stared gormlessly up at him. “No-no, you don’t.” I stuttered. He smiled weakly. “Yes, I really do.” He replied confidently. “Why would you tell me this...?” I whispered, tears brimming in my eyes. “Because now that we’re not at school; I thought we’d probably never see each other again... I had to take the chance.” He replied, trying to reach out for me.

I flinched away. “I-I can’t deal with this right now. Sorry.” And with that, I turned away and out of the crowd; towards the exit where I ran off. I sat on my bed, reliving that memory over and over in my head.

“I still love you Katerina.”

“I thought we’d probably never see each other again... I had to take the chance.”

I wiped tears away before they could reach the middle of my cheek. All this time I feared he was over me while I wallowed in self-pity; he still actually loved me. He actually told me he loved me. Then I ran away in absolute fear. What else was I to do?

My bedroom door opened, and in the corner of my eye I noticed Alex standing there; just watching me in concern. “He told you he loved you, didn’t he?” He said quietly, and I nodded in reply. He sighed in frustration, and I looked over at him. “It looks like that bothers you, Alex.” I mumbled, and he looked at me with such vulnerability it shocked me.

“It does bother me Kat.” He said, sitting beside me, grasping my hands in his. “Why does it?” I asked curiously. “You looked amazing today, Kat.” He whispered; trying to change the subject, but I wasn’t having it. “Alex, tell me what’s wrong.” I said sternly, and he finally met my gaze once more.

“It bothers me that he said it and you reacted so strongly to it. The truth is Katerina, fuck; how do I tell you this?” He cursed; unable to word his thoughts. “Just say it.” I said.

“Because I fucking love you too Katerina.”

I honestly felt like the knife that had already been plunged into my heart had been taken out then stabbed in once again. “W-what?” I stammered, my tears falling more prominently now. He wiped them away. “I know it’s silly because you still love Jack; and I’ve got a girlfriend. But I honest to God love you, so damn much; and it kills me that I can’t have you.” He said, tears glazing over his eyes too.

“But you said no attachments; you promised you wouldn’t get attached!” I exclaimed, before standing up and pacing wildly. “You can’t help who you fall in love with.” He murmured sadly; looking down at his fingers. “You need to go Alex.” I said quietly. “Katerina please-” “GO!”

He looked once more at me. “I’m sorry.” He said, his voice cracking; before he practically ran out of my room and out of my house. I watched him leave out of my window; and I felt my body give way. I fell down onto my bed and curled myself into a tight ball; before crying to my heart’s content.

“Are you sure Kat?” Roxy asked sadly. She came round a few hours after Alex left. I nodded slowly. “It’s for the best Roxy trust me. Everything is so messed up here. You and my parents are the only ones in my life that aren’t messed up. It’s killing me being around them.” I sniffed. She pulled me into a warm hug, one I was sure I needed.

“You’re my best friend Roxy; no one will ever replace you.” I said into her shoulder. She squeezed tighter. “No one will replace you either Katerina; that’s a promise.” She whispered back; and I felt myself smile slightly.

At the end of the night, I gave two letters to Roxy. “Give these to Jack and Alex tomorrow after 3PM okay?” I told her. She nodded slowly, before tears were visible in her eyes. “Oh God don’t cry-”

“I’m not crying,” She started, rubbing her eyes. “It’s just hay-fever, that’s all.” I smiled sympathetically; before embracing her into another hug which was well-needed on both sides. “Good bye, Kat.” She said. “Good bye, Roxy.”

Jack Barakat:

She’d run away from Graduation. I guess I should have been expecting a reaction like that, but I never realised it would have hurt so much. Our group was at Rian’s house, when Roxy and Zack walked in. Roxy had two letters in her hands, and her eyes were filled with sadness and worry.

She walked directly over to me, and handed me one; before handing the other to Alex. We frowned at each other, before ripping the letters open in private.

It was from her.

My dearest Jack,

I’m sorry about the way I reacted. I guess it probably hurt you. But you must understand, I was surprised. I thought you didn’t love me anymore. You hurt me so much Jack, and it tore me apart. You slept with Lisa, then started dating Samantha as some form of revenge against me? I guess it doesn’t matter anymore, because once you read this letter; I won’t be residing in Baltimore, Maryland anymore. I’ve left Jack, and I have no intention to come back. Just remember how important you are to me. You taught me how to love; and I’ll always have you to thank for that. But I have one more thing to say before I go.

I still love you too.

Good bye, Jack.

Katerina.

I felt my heart cracking. I felt myself losing the strength to carry on. I lost any form of will-power. What did I have left.

Katerina was gone. I didn’t know where she was. I just knew she had no intention on coming back.

Alex Gaskarth:

My dearest Alex,

I’m sorry for letting your feelings become so deep. I’m sorry for probably ruining any chance of you and Raven becoming right again; because I know you; you will probably take what I’m about to do on her. I’m leaving Alex; and I’m never coming back. You are an amazing person Alex, you helped me when I was done; and I thank you for this. You knew I loved Jack, but you told me how you felt anyway; and it made me realise something really important.

I was falling for you too.

I’m sorry Alex.

Katerina.

I stared at the letter in disbelief. She had feelings for me? Why did I let her slip through my fingers? How could I have been so stupid? Now I’ve lost her; lost her for good.

Katerina Jacobs:

I couldn’t stop crying. I didn’t know how to stop. I missed them; Jack and Alex. I never realised you could have feelings for two guys at once. I wanted these feelings to stop, I wanted all this pain, misery and grief to end.

But I knew, deep down inside it would most likely never end. I was cursed to love these two boys; two boys that I prayed I would never, see again.