You Can't Tell Me to Heal

I had some time to kill before the party after we grabbed the booze, so I went home and got dressed with plans to drop by Halvo’s place. After slipping on my beanie, I drove on over to his house, but he wasn’t there. His mom said he was at the park, so that was the next place to which I drove.

I found him by the roundabout, spinning it hard. I smiled a bit when I heard the high pitched laughter of the little kid that Halvo was babysitting. “Hey, man,” I greeted my best friend, waving to him and the little girl as I walked over. “And what’s your name?” I asked the little girl, kneeling down so we could see eye to eye. The little girl blinked at me a few times before hopping off the roundabout and running to hide behind Halvo’s legs.

“She’s very shy,” Halvo laughed nervously, patting her head. I sighed softly. The little girl ran away from me – just like Avery, just like the girl in the grocery store that looked like Avery…I’m just bad with girls, I guess.

“Her name is, um, Anne Marie, but she goes by Annie,” Halvo introduced her to me, lifting her into his arms and trying to turn her so I could see her face. Annie wrapped her arms around Halvo’s neck, giving me the once over.

“Hi, Annie,” I said with a smile, waving at her. She was so unbelievably adorable. She waved back before leaning up to whisper something in Halvo’s ear.

“What…? Yeah, I guess he does, huh?”

“Are you talking about me?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at Annie.

She giggled and buried her face in Halvo’s chest. “She says, uh, you have eyes like her,” Halvo muttered, tightening his grip on her.

“Mommy doesn’t have eyes like me,” Annie finally piped up. Oh, her voice! Was there anything about this little girl that wasn’t adorable?

“Oh, really? Well, my name is John,” I introduced myself, holding a hand out to her. Annie surprised me by letting go of Halvo and reaching out for me. Aw, what a cutie.

“You’re taller than Eric,” Annie observed before snuggling into me. I was usually awful with kids, but with Annie, it was almost natural. And it felt right. “John, do you wanna play on the seesaw?” Annie asked cutely. Of course I did whatever Annie asked. The little two-year old had me wrapped around her finger within the half hour. Halvo was, well, pretty bummed out that I was hogging Annie, but I didn’t care. I don’t know and can’t explain why, but I just loved Annie already.

Halvo and I caught up while I pushed Annie on the swings. She was pretty talkative and articulate for a two-year old. I was impressed. “…so we ended up paying Kenny the twenty, since he won the bet,” I finished my story with a soft laugh, but Halvo wasn’t paying attention to me anymore for some reason. “Bro?” I asked, looking around for what he was looking at.

And there she was – grocery store girl/Avery look alike.

“Hi, mommy!” Annie yelled loudly, letting go of the swing’s chains to wave at her mother.

“John,” Halvo began, glancing at me, then Annie’s mom repeatedly. “Don’t blow up at Avery in front of Annie, alright?” he whispered, elbowing me in the ribs. Wait…What? My arms dropped limply to my side and I suddenly had difficulty breathing and seeing straight. Avery’s really…Avery is Annie’s…so Annie’s my…

Annie swung back into me, falling out of the swing and onto the ground with a surprised yelp. “Annie!” Avery called, running over now.

“It’s ok,” Annie huffed, getting up and brushing the sand off her knees. “Mommy, this is Eric’s friend, John,” Annie introduced me happily when Avery picked her up. “Say hi, mommy,” Annie giggled when Avery remained speechless.

“Hey, Annie, want some chex mix?” Halvo asked cheerfully, breaking the sudden awkward silence and taking Annie from Avery anyways.

Avery seemed reluctant to let Annie go, but she didn’t move from her spot across from me with the swing between us still slightly swinging. “So,” I began, scratching the back of my neck.

“…Can we just pretend we never saw each other.”

I gritted my teeth. “You vanish for two years, and this is the kind of greeting I get?”

Avery scowled. “You weren’t supposed to see me. Ever again.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose, exhaling deeply. "Avery Lassiter, we need to talk. Like sit down and catch up and grab a bite to eat and work things out and make this happen.”

“Make what happen?”

“This,” I said quietly before closing the distance between us and pressing my lips to hers.

“J-John,” she stammered as she pushed me away, but I smirked when I saw that she was still wearing the ring I gave her.

I held her hand to my chest, not letting her leave. “Yeah?” Avery sighed and gave up trying to pull away, letting her head fall to rest on my chest as well. “I didn’t quite recognize you with your hair like this,” I murmured before kissing the top of her head. “You stopped dyeing it. I didn’t know your natural hair color was this pretty. I like it.”

“I didn’t know you were naturally this…persuasive,” Avery laughed tiredly, and I felt her other hand grab mine. “…I missed you.” Grinning to myself, I let go of her hand only to wrap both my arms around her in a bone crushing hug. It wasn’t long before Avery started sobbing into my shirt. Aw, she still got emotional about things… “I haven’t fixed things, you know,” Avery huffed, squirming out of my arms. “And I will. I’ll explain everything, all right? Just…Just give me some time…”

I sighed, but nodded, scratching the back of my neck. “I’ve waited for you for over two years now, Avery. I’ll give you as much time as you need… just know that…dammit, Avery, I’m so impatient for you since you’re already right in front of me.” Avery nodded as well, twisting the ring I gave her around her finger.

“Mommy!” Annie yelled, running towards us with Halvo on her heels. “Mommy, why did you kiss John?” Annie asked innocently, tugging on the hem of Avery’s shirt. Avery blushed, stunned into silence. “Are you gonna kiss him again?” Annie whisper-yelled.

“Annie?” I said her name, kneeling down again so I could look her in the eye. I glanced up at Avery first, and she nodded, so I cleared my throat. “I’m your dad.”

Whoa…the word “dad” sounded weird coming out of my mouth. And saying it out loud made me feel fucking old! But when Annie just gasped and threw her arms around me, I didn’t really care.

We’re exactly where we’re supposed to be.