Will You Swear on Your Life?

Jimmy had been sick for over a week now and it didn't look like it was getting better. We both agreed that we'd talk about our relation ship once he got better. The guys weren't helping either; I assume that Jimmy had told them I was going to leave him. So they had decided that Jimmy and I would be under supervision for as long as it took for us to work it 'out'. And what a better way to do that then to go on tour. The guys' manager got them on The Taste Of Chaos tour which just happened to start today ago. Though Jimmy was sick and not showing any signs of getting better a tech or one of the Berry brothers' stepped in.
So I sat in the bus all day by my self tending to Jimmy and Riley's every need. Woot wonderful. I sighed and put down the magazine I was reading, it was the first break I'd gotten since tour started, either Jimmy wanted something to drink or Riley needed changed. It was hectic for me, and I thought parenting was that bad, if I could go back in time I would and give my mom a break.
"Kita?" Jimmy's groggy voice drifted into my ear.
"Hu?" I asked looking up; he had just walked into the back area of the bus.
"Where's.." He cleared his throat. "Where's everyone?"
"Uh. Johnny said something about a bar." I said picking up the magazine and started absent mindedly flipping through it. I heard a sigh and he flopped down next to me. I continued to flip through the magazine, I seen Jimmy shuffle before the magazine went flying across the room. "What was that for?" I whined. His arms wrapped around me, pulling me into his body, my head nestled on his chest. "Feeling better?" I muttered.
"Sort of." His reply was muffled, as he had buried his face into my hair. I felt him shift, and then he lifted me up. Sliding his body under me, he layed me on his chest. "I'm sorry."
"For what?" I asked lifting my head and looking at him.
"All this." He used his hand to motion around the bus.
" Jimmy its fine I mean you have been sick and I understand."
"Kita, I'm not talking about me being sick." He sighed, "I'm talking about me everything, about me." He looked off at the bus door, and muttered something that sounded like 'for you not loving me.'
I stared at him, we sat in silence for at least a minute. "Jimmy, we need to talk." I pushed my self up and bracing my self above him, my lower half tangled with his.
"I know, I. I just don’t want to talk about it."
"Why?"
"Because I'm afraid." He hadn’t taken his eyes off the door.
"Of me leaving?" I said stuttering to get it out. He just merely nodded. "Jimmy I know your scared and so am I, but we need to get it out there and talk about it so we can stay together with out any problems."
"I know, but every time we talk about what I want, you tell me 'it’s a want not a need'.” He said mimicking me at the end of his sentence.
"But it i.."
He cut me off. "If it's just a want then why the hell are you ready to pack your bags?" he got offensive.
"Because you're not happy because you can't get what you want." I growled. He furrowed his eyebrows, before closing the distance between us; his lips hungrily devoured mine, as if he'd die if he didn’t get what he wanted. He flipped us to where my back was firmly placed against the couch. My mind was racing, for once I wanted this. It just felt right, I couldn’t help myself, my body was goin crazy. Jimmy pressed him self firmly on top of me, his hands started to rome. My fingers entangled onto his locks. I felt my belt pop open and then he jerked it from its loops. Hitting the ground moments later, my pants were beside my belt with in seconds. I froze, I hated feeling exposed, Jimmy pulled back looking at me. He was staring hungrily.
"What?" I just shock my head, pulling him back to me. He immediately complied kissing me back, he felt uncertainty at first but then my shirt ended up with my belt and pants. I smiled at him as he raised himself up staring down at me.
"I love you Kita." He was so serene, and I knew he wasn’t joking. "And I'm sorry for making you feel unimportant." I just stared up at him, a shocked expression spread across my face. He lower his eyes from mind, he look hurt.
"I. I. I don’t know what to say." I said honestly. "God I just feel so stupid." I sat up pulling away from Jimmy. Tears sprung to my eyes, as I looked at him, then I curled up and layed my head on my knees.
We stayed silent, I just stared at the floor, my mind twisting and flipping the last twenty minutes over in my head. He had confessed he loved me and I wanted to say it back because I didn’t want to hurt his feeling, but would it be the truth, I mean not less than a week ago I was planning on leaving him. But could I still love him and want to leave him? Or does that not work?
"Jimmy." I couldn’t bring myself to look at him, but I could see his head shot up. "I'm sorry." I closed my eyes before shifting myself, when I opened them I could see Jimmy staring right at me, his face held a hurt look on it. "I want to tell you I love you, but damn I feel like I'd be lying." I started to tell him everything that was on my mind. "I had been planning on leaving you, even if it was for you. How could that be love?" a tear fell from my eye.
"You want to say it?" he looked at me, shaking his head. "and you wouldn’t mean it is that what your getting at?"
"No, no Jimmy I think I love you, but I don’t know if I do or not is what I'm getting at." I tried desperately to get him to understand.
"Well if you'd stop thinking about you damn self, then you might just realize that you don’t love me."
"Jimmy you're making no since. I have been thinking of you this entire time, and I have to think about me to realize if I do or don’t love you." I just looked at him bewildered. "You know how when you meet a new person how you somethings get that feeling like they might just be using you, but then it goes away and they becomes like your best friend, well Jimmy I kinda feel like that now, but its like a million time greater feeling, mainly one of doubt." I tried to smile, "I know you love me, but I'm doubting myself. I want to love you, make you happy." I grabbed his hand. And gently squeezed it. "I think I love you." I said a smile on my face. "And I'm willing to stay to find out. I swear on my life."