Will You Swear on Your Life?

Time had flown Jimmy and the guys were getting ready for a new tour. Brian, Jimmy, and Johnny were reluctant to leave me and Riley behind. They weren't planning on letting Matt and Zacky tell them no about us coming on tour. They got Matt and Zacky to consider it. Not that I would be going but they're thinking about it. I wasn’t planning on going but Jimmy and Johnny both gave me the dirtiest glare they could muster, shutting me up when I went to protest. Brian was being a typical cousin telling the guys I can handle my own kid. But yet he kept telling them that a Haner/ Sullivan should not be left off tour. It's un-American is how he put it. I wanted to go on tour but I didn’t, them going away would be a good time to look for an apartment. With out Jimmy knowing.
I didn’t want to leave, but again I should have never of left my family and friends.
Jimmy and I are on the rocks; apparently waiting for me isn’t an option anymore. His become demanding, I understand that he has wants. But there not needs, he doesn’t need sex he just wants it and I'm pissing him off by not giving it to him, but the truth be known, I'm scared.
Scared that’s it; once we have sex he realizes that I'm still a kid and that I can't fulfill his 'needs'.
I sighed pushing my self away from the computer desk; it was worthless to browse house/ apartments when I didn’t have that kind of money. Honestly leaving Jimmy was not really an option. I had no money and a kid. All the income was his, he refused to let me get a job. Saying anything I need, want, or wish for he'll get me it. My thoughts on that was not pleasant. I felt some where deep down that Jimmy knew about me wanting to leave him. And this was his way of keeping me from taking his baby girl.
Jimmy was laying on his bed, his eyes closed and his breathing uneven. I knew he was a wake, but I still didn’t want to wake him. I just brushed past the room, not wanting to even hear him voice his opinion anymore. He let out a grunt; I knew he had seen me.
I didn’t care if he wanted me, I just continued on down to the kitchen. Johnny had left out the formula and left a pan of water boil away on the stove. I shut it off and pushed the pan to the back burner. A cough startled me. I turned to see Jimmy walk into the kitchen; he just ignored me and went to browsing the cabinets looking for what ever. I just continued to finish what I was doing; I put the formula up and poured the water out of the pan.
"Baby, can you fix this for me?" Jimmy's voice was horsed and scratchy. He set a can of chicken noodle soup on the counter closest to me.
"Yeah, you not feeling too good?" I stated the obvious. He just shook his head, his black hair looked greasy. "Kay why don’t you take a shower, and I'll fix your soup." He just nodded and smiled as best he could. Then trailed out of the room, going up stairs. I quickly busied myself with making his soup.
After pouring the soup into a bowl, I grabbed a cup and filled it with orange juice. Then grabbed the food and pursued up the stair. Jimmy was lying on the bed, his wet hair fitting around his head, spread out over the pillow. His eyes on the ceiling, he didn’t even acknowledge my presence. I set the food and drink on his bed side table. Then went around the bed and crawled in with him.
"Hey." He muttered his long lanky arm slid over my head, and he pulled me towards him. His body was hot to the touch, I felt bad for him though he probable felt like shit.
"How was your shower baby?" I hated it, calling him that when I felt the need to get away.
"Fine," he muttered his eyes fluttered closed, as he seemed to relax and get comfortable.
"I don’t want to ruin any thing but-" I started and he cut me off.
"Then don't." he snapped. I felt taken back by the fact that he seemed to just fly off like that.
"You don’t want your food." My voice seemed almost lost, as I spoke in a whisper.
"No I don’t want shit." He growled, I found my self alone on the bed with in seconds of the words coming out of his mouth.
I was startled, speechless, of his words and action.
"Act innocent some more please." He bitterly spat in my direction. I looked at him shock consumed my face. "Please, you think I wouldn’t find out about you wanting to leave me?"
A whimper exited my throat, as my eyes casted down.
"Not going to deny it?" He asked a bit of hope in his voice. I just keep my eyes casted on the bed; I never wanted it to come to this. I never wanted him to find out, because in all reality I was doing this for him, just a little bit for me, but it was all for him. So he didn’t have to wait on a girl anymore, he didn’t have to waste his time. "Were you going to tell me why or just up and leave?" he stood there expecting me to answer, when I couldn’t.
He waited; I looked up seeing his piercing glare. But I remained silent.
"Just get out." He said, lowering his head in shame.
I was baffled, the thought running through my head. Leaving, I wanted it but yet being forced to was totally different. I stood reluctantly, my body willing me to move. But yet I was hesitant. I loved Jimmy, just like the rest of the guys. I'd know them for years, they were my family. I couldn’t and wouldn’t can that.
"Jimmy.. I." I started, my body shifted towards him, but I just couldn’t explain my self, the reason of leaving him seemed so.. so stupid and I just lost it. A tear slid down my face.
He was eyeing me up with suspicion, yet his glare never faltered. "I.. the reason I was leaving was you." I sighed know getting this over would hopefully put things in some sort of perspective. His face changed he felt offensive, now. "I want you to be happy, and I know that I'm not doing my part. Because we shouldn’t even be in this position, I'm still a kid. And your.. you deserve better than me. So I'm just standing here in your way." I finished, before turning and making my way out of the room. Letting him know this was better than just walking away and ruining my family's life.
"Kita." He called; I stopped turning and peering at him. "Why, what made you think that you're in my way?"
"This relation ship Jimmy, that’s what." I stated.
"What are you thinking?" He looked at me like I was crazy. "Are you stupid?" I just shook my head unable to grasp was he was talking about. "If I thought I could be happy with out you, or even remotely even close. I would have let you know to leave. But Kita, I can't just let you and Riley walk out of my life. I might not show it, because you said it earlier you are a kid, but I love you. Okay I just can't deal with this I need you even though I don’t show it I do." His gaunt looking face looked very pale and he looked as if he was about to collapse with exhaustion.
"Jimmy, I.. I can't." I looked at him dead on. "I can't, neither of us can do this, you want more that I can't give you, and I just want to take things slow. This is never going to work out." I sighed, and looked at the floor.
"Can we talk about this later?" he asked walking to the bed, and sitting down. I just nodded when he looked at me with hopeful eyes. He layed down and closed his eyes.
"Don’t leave me." He muttered before drifting off to sleep.