I'm Not a Monster, but Together We Can Live Forever

James’ POV

As I slowly gained consciousness, I opened my eyes to see Spencer cuddled into my body. God, I fucking love this woman. She is just so fucking amazing! She is everything I ever dreamed in a girlfriend, and hopefully, a wife. The things that she does that aren’t exactly normal are what really drew me to her as well as her beauty. For instance, at certain times she replaces words for ones from a different language when she’s talking, or when she’ll randomly curse loudly when reading because her eyes skipped a part of the passage.

Another thing I love about her is her emotions and how she deals with them now. I admit that when she told about her scars on her wrists way back when, I was very disappointed. We were working at Johnny’s together and Spencer graduated from beauty school about a week before when I asked her about them; that same night I asked her be my girlfriend. It was also the first time Spencer and I saw Avenged Sevenfold but we didn’t know it until much later since we weren’t really fans at the time.

~Flashback~

”Here you go sir,” I say, passing two beers across the counter to a well-built man with high cheekbones and long, black hair under a fedora. He looks familiar but I can’t really tell in the dim lighting so I dismiss it. My gaze shifts to the other side of the bar where Spencer is wiping off a table.

I got her a job here about a few years and we’ve been going on dates for about a year after she started beauty school. And let me tell you she is amazing. She is always trying her best to make everything she does perfect; for instance, she made sure that the froth from the beer didn’t spill over the rim of the glass but that customer still got nearly a full glass of beer. She was even determined to graduate at the top of her class and she fucking did it! She is everything I want in a girlfriend, or even a wife, but I’m too scared to ask. It will ruin everything if she rejects me or if things go south in our relationship.

Now she is leaning with her back against the counter, taking a moment to relax. I glance around the bar and notice that is relatively calm and quiet save for the group of five guys in the corner. But I doubt they will be a bother. I walk up to Spence and mock her position. She turns her head to the side and flashes me a brilliant smile. However, it’s a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes beautiful, warm eyes.

“Hey,” she greets me shyly. I gulp down the saliva that built up in mouth from when she smiled at me.

“Hey, how are you holding up?” I ask and playfully nudge her with my shoulder. She giggles an adorable giggle that is music to my ears.

“I’m fine. A bit tired is all,” she replies quietly. I’ve known her for about four years now so I can tell when she is lying like she is right not. I shoot her an unimpressed look; she sighs in defeat before she looks around the bar. After her gaze settles on me once more, she grabs my hand and leads me towards the backroom. We could trust people in Johnny’s at the time. I faintly hear some whistles and rowdy comments for the group of guys in the back but I’m too concerned with what Spence has to tell me to pay any real attention to them.

When the door to the backroom is securely closed behind me, Spence spins around and wraps her arms around my waist. Immediately, my arms circle around her shoulders; a sob shakes her body and I tighten my arms around her. I sway us from side to side as she continues to cry and wet my shirt with her tears.

After a few minutes, her crying dies down to sniffles. She removes her arms from around my waist only to enclose them gently around my neck; holding her like this feels perfect. Our swaying carries on as she stops sniffling.

“Do you feel better?” I question softly. She replies but because her face is buried in my chest it comes out muffled, “I didn’t hear you?”

Spencer takes a step back much to my way dissatisfaction. She reaches her left hand back to rub the back of her neck out of a random habit she has. In the dimly lit bar just outside the door I wouldn’t be able to see them, but in the bright lighting of the backroom, I can see them perfectly; I feel my eyes widen at the sight. Spencer adorably cocked her head slightly to right in confusion. Then her own eyes widen in realization; she slowly retracts her hand from the back of her neck to put her hands behind her back in nervousness.

“Why?” I ask her simply in a whisper as I can see the tears building up in her eyes. Those cuts look perfectly self-inflicted. I need to know what is making her so unhappy that she is cutting herself.

“I’m just- I’m just so disgusting and pathetic,” she cries quietly.

“What?” I ask in disbelief. I take hold of her wrist from behind her back, “You’re not disgusting and pathetic. You’re fucking amazing. You’re drop-dead gorgeous with the smarts to match. You have a smile that can light up the fucking world and a personality that wrap anyone around your finger. How could you even think that?”

“If I’m so amazing, then why did my parents practically put me out on my ass?” she sneers in anger, “And I know we’ve gone out a quite a few dates, but I feel like you’re just being nice to me since I really don’t have any friends here” she looks up at me with eyes that hold pain and loneliness; two emotions she should never feel.

“Those people are assholes who you call your parents should be beaten within an inch of their life,” I whisper fiercely at the thought of what her ‘parents’ have done to her, “And for the dating thing, I have to admit I’ve been too scared to ask because—well I’m not even sure why I haven’t asked you yet,”

“W-what?” she stutters in incredulity; her beautiful eyes grow eyes wide. I take a deep breath and look her right in the eyes.

“Spencer Grady will you my girlfriend?” I ask quickly and nervously. She gasps quietly before smiling at me. Then she leans forward and pressed her lips against mine, “So I can take that as a ‘yes’?”

“Yes James North, I will be your girlfriend,” she giggled. I sighed in relief and kissed her.

“Now about you cutting yourself…” I trailed off and Spence let out a shaky breath, “What do you like to do?”

She cocks her head slightly to the left to show her confusion in an adorable manner. I just gave her an encouraging smile. “To drum. I’m a percussionist and I like to drum.”

“As the first order of your boyfriend, I’m buying you a drum set. And with that drum set I want you to express all of those emotions that you feel instead of hurting yourself from now on,” I gave her a goofy grin and she responded with a giggle that’s music to my ears, “Can you please promise me that you will use the set that I get you to deal with your emotions?”

“I promise,” Spencer whispered and grinned at me. I kissed her fiercely for what seems like forever. When we finally break apart for air we just stare at each other like lovestruck teenagers.

“I think we should get back to the bar,” I suggest. Spencer nods and giggles. Our hands intertwine as we make our way back to the bar.

~End of Flashback~

I looked down at my girlfriend who is still sound asleep. My gaze shifts to the clock on her nightstand that tells me that it’s ten minutes past eleven. We should get up now so that we can take our time getting ready.

I leaned down and kissed Spencer on her forehead, both of her cheeks, and her nose, before I get to her lips. She loves when I wake her up like this. Her eyes slowly opened and they visibly brightened when she looked in the eyes.

“Morning gorgeous,” I chuckled at the light rosy tint to my girl’s cheek in response to my compliment.

“Morning handsome,” she giggled. I kissed her again only this time I deepened the kiss. Spencer giggled into the kiss before his straddled my brief clad waist. I rubbed her sides before my hands came to a rest at her hips. When we finally broke apart for air, we sat there grinning at each like lovestruck teenagers; the sunlight that lit up the room through the window by the bed made Spence look even more angelic than I could even imagine with her bed hair .

“You’re so beautiful. I love you Spencer Grady,” she grinned before leaning down to peck me on the lips.

“I love you too James North,” she pecks me once more before she looked over at the clock, “We have to start getting ready sweetheart,”

I nodded and then sat up with Spencer still in my lap; my hands caressed her smooth thighs before they stopped at her ass while her hands intertwined behind my neck and her legs circled around my waist. I slid off of the bed and carried her to the bathroom in our room. After sitting her down on the counter, I turned on the shower and let the water to heat up, which didn’t take very long. When the water was hot enough for the both of us I turned around to face Spencer, and immediately I knew something was bothering her as she stared at the floor. “What’s wrong?”

“I remembered,” her voice cracked at the end and quickly wrapped my arms around her in a hug. She was referring to the situation with her ‘parents’. Honestly, I forgot when I woke this morning as well and I wished she wouldn’t have remembered because it breaks my heart to see her sad.

“How about this?” I gently grabbed her chin to make her look at me, “You go drum while I take a shower and get dressed. Then I’ll make breakfast for the both of us while you hop in the shower and get ready for today,”

She nodded in a trance-like state that she gets into when she doesn’t want to let her emotions out. She slid off of the counter and made her way to the music room. I waited until I heard the beginning of a song. She started playing ‘Fuck It All’ by Slipknot. Today is probably gonna be a long day.

~

After I parked outside of Sam and Kris’ place, I got out of the car and ran around the front to open the door for Spencer. She giggled as I held my hand out for her to take as she got out.

“Such a gentleman,” she giggled. I smirked and kissed on her the cheek.

“I try,” we both laughed a bit as we made our way up to the front door. I rang the doorbell and draped my left arm around her shoulders while she circled her right arm around my waist. An ‘I’m coming’ was yelled from inside.

“That’s what they both said,” Spencer giggled and couldn’t stop myself from chuckling. When Kris opened the door she gave us a questioning look, “You said that you’re coming,”

“And that’s what they both said,” I said finishing Spencer’s joke. Kris laughed and rolled her eyes at our childishness. She stepped aside and allowed us enter.

In the living room, most of Avenged Sevenfold, with the exception of Zacky, sprawled around the room. All of the couples were sitting together and I thought it was party Spencer and I were having later is really like a sextuplet date or some shit. The guys are focused on something on TV while the girls are having little side conversations.

“Sam and Zacky are still getting ready upstairs. So we they’re done we can head out to do some shopping” we nod and take a seat on an empty spot on the floor in front of the TV. They are watching something but my attention is on Spencer. I ran my left hand through her black as I watched her; she looked up at me and smiled. Her gaze shifts to something past me and she smirked.

“Nice sunglasses Christ,” I turned around to see the famous American flag aviators that Johnny wears.

“Thanks and call me Johnny,” he smiled.

“Why do you call us by our stage names?” Jimmy questioned, sounding like a curious little kid, from his spot on the floor in front of Leana. Spence blushed and I encouragingly nudged her with my shoulder.

“I don’t know you,” she simply, “Up until a short while ago I only knew you guys as M. Shadows, Synyster Gates, The Reverend Tholomew Plague, Johnny Christ, and Zacky Vengeance. The only reason why I call Brian, Jimmy, Zacky, and now Johnny by their real names is because they want me to,”

All the guys nodded at this information and the girls smiled her. “Well call me Matt,”

“Alrighty Matt,” she grinned and Matt grinned back showing off his dimples.

“Show off,” Johnny grumbled and Matt shot me a frown. Spencer giggled from beside me. Just then Sam and Zacky came downstairs.

“Thank fuck,” Spencer sighed playfully, “What were you guys doing up there? Fucking?”

Sam and Zacky’s eyes widened, whether it was at Spencer’s bluntness or the fact that they were indeed fucking, I’m not sure. When they didn’t replied fast enough, Spencer rose from the floor and I followed, “I don’t care anymore. Let’s go,”

“You have some blood on the back of your shirt James,” Brian stated from behind me I cursed and looked at Spencer who was smirking smugly.

“You said they weren’t bleeding,” I whined. Before I put on this light grey t-shirt, I asked her to check out the scratches she left on my back last night; I knew she was lying to me when she told me that the scratches weren’t bleeding with a straight face.

“What happened to your hips Spencer?” Lacey questioned.

“Yeah you have huge purple bruises on your hips,” Val followed up. Both of their voices were laced with concern.

“You’re such a liar. You said that they weren’t that noticeable,” Spence grumbled and it was my turn to smirk. Before she put on her black midriff Metallica t-shirt she asked me if the bruises I left on her hips from last night were that noticeable and to get back her for lying about the condition of my scratches I told her it was okay to wear the shirt.

“I think we should head out before we find out any more evidence of Spencer and James’ kinky and rough sex life,” Leana laughed.

“But Leana maybe we could use some of their ideas to spice our time in the bedroom,” Jimmy quickly arched his eyebrows twice suggestively.

Leana raised an eyebrow of her own while the rest of us laughed. I looked over at Spencer who was hunched over from laughing so hard. She was turning red and soon she began to laugh silently; I laughed even harder at the sight and then she did it. She did what she hates to do around other people.

Everyone quickly became quiet and looked at Spencer with shocked expression. Spencer’s gaze shifted to everyone with eyes wide with disbelief. You can see everyone holding in their glee to the best of their ability; well that was until Jimmy laughed, “Oh my God. You snorted like a little piggy,”

While everyone else, besides Spence and I, was laughing, I was a bit worried. She could response to this in two different ways. One, she can seriously assume Jimmy was calling her fat, which she isn’t; or Spence can laugh it off after acting like she is mad.

“You know what fuck you guys,” she grumbled with a frown but it quickly turned into a smile while the group continued to snicker, “Let’s go fucking shopping you fucking whores,”

She stormed out of the house and the rest of filed out behind her. As the group divided themselves into the girls and the guys and decided who was driving whose car, I smiled at how blissful my girlfriend appeared despite the situation with the people who brought her into this world. I just hope she doesn’t break down without me there to help her put herself back together because in her fragile state almost everything is a trigger.