If I Love You, Why Do I Keep Getting Hurt?

“Gerard, where are you?” It was Frank. Frank Iero, my soul mate.

“Hey Mikes, where’s Gee?”

“I dunno, in his bunk?” I could get up, but I really can’t be bothered. I’ll have to talk to him, pretend I’m ok, that we’re just friends, and break my heart again.

“Hey Gerard, you in here?” There he was, his rich warm voice filling me with pain and longing.

“Erm, yeah,” I mumbled.

“I was wondering what you’re planning to do after the show tonight?” Why did he want to know?

“Oh, nothing I guess, why?” I looked up and over to where he was at the door.

“Just wondering if you wanted to hang out,” he said, coming over and sitting on my bunk next to me. I wanted him to hold me, and whisper that I could forget about it all, that he loved me and would take care of me, but I know he didn’t feel that way. I was so distraught and torn by my emotions that I just started crying, I couldn’t help it.

“Gerard what’s wrong?” he asked, suddenly concerned. I couldn’t answer, I just sobbed.

“Oh Gee, come here,” he said, pulling me into a hug. I shook and sobbed against his chest, and he held me and rocked me gently. He probably thinks I’m pathetic, but I don’t care. I just want to stay like this, him holding me forever, I just want to be close to him.

“Oh Frankie, I’m so scared,” I mumbled into his shirt. I knew I sounded so weak and pathetic, but I couldn’t care right now.

“Why are you scared Gee?” he asked me, rubbing small circles on my back.

“Just guy issues,” I mumbled.

“Gerard, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m a guy,” he said, giggling slightly.

“No I mean, about the guy I’m in love with.” He shuffled slightly.

“Oh, so trouble between you and Bert?”

“No. I’m in love with someone else.” I whispered.

“Oh. Do I know them?”

“Yes, only too well.”

“Do you want to tell me who it is?”

“Yes, but I won’t, because you’ll hate me.”

“Why?”

“You just will.”

“Look, unless it’s my mom or something,” he said, laughing and patting me on the back like it was all a big joke

“SEE, YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS AND UNDERSTANDING FOR ONE SECOND CAN YOU?” I shouted, getting up and storming out of the tour bus, down the street and into the Used bus.

“Hey baby,” Bert said, smiling and coming over to me when I got in. He wrapped his arms around me tightly and kissed me. He really irritated me. Couldn’t he get it through his thick skull that I didn’t love him like he claimed to love me? Obviously not, why would he suspect I was like that?

“I’m not in the mood Ok,” I growled, pushing him away and going to their fridge.

“Ok, you wanna talk?” he asked, following me into the kitchen area.

“No, I want to DRINK,” I muttered, pulling out a bottle of vodka and near enough downing it.

“Ok Gee, chill out baby, what happened over there?”

“Nothing,” I muttered through gritted teeth. I shot him a back off and leave me alone look, and he got the message and went to sit back down and watch T.V. After I finished like, most of their alcohol, I decided to go to sleep on their floor, which is very hard when you hit it at like two hundred miles an hour. I feel all funny, wonder when Frankie will be here?

FRANKS P.O.V

I am so stupid. Why did I have to be so ignorant. I know why. That conversation was hard for me. It’s bad enough he’s with Bert. But now he likes someone else as well. Why can’t I build up the courage to ask him out, or at least tell him my feelings. I’m really curious to know whom he likes, or more importantly, am I better than them? He’s been gone for hours. He’s probably over at the Used tour bus, all happy with Bert and probably telling Bert what an idiot I am. I should go over and just apologise, make my presence known, break them apart for five minutes more like. If they were married, I’d be a home wrecker. Actually no I wouldn’t because Gerard doesn’t want me. I walked over to their tour bus, feeling a little nervous. I knocked sharply, and Quinn answered. I was seriously glad it wasn’t Bert, for some reason he really doesn’t like me.

“Hey Quinn, I was just wondering if Gerard was here, everyone’s getting a little worried about him, he’s been gone for hours.”

“Oh Frank, you better come in.”

“Whose there?” It was Bert’s voice coming from their sitting area.

“Frank.”

“What the hell does he want?”

“He wants to know where Gerard is.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, ask him.” Quinn shouted, rolling his eyes at me. I smiled. Quinn always was my favourite, he was nice to me. I heard footsteps, and there was Bert, glaring at me a few meters away.

“Well?”

“Oh, I just wanted to see where he was because he’s been gone for hours and he usually comes here, and everyone’s worried about him, Mikey wants him back.”

“He’s over there,” sneered Bert, waving his arm towards the kitchen area. I peered round the corner, and was puzzled.

“I don’t see anyone,” I pointed out.

“That’s because he’s past out on the floor.”

“Oh crap.” I raced round and down onto the floor. I brushed the loose hair out of his eyes and stroked his warm cheek. I leaned in close.

“Hey Gee, you alive?”

“He can’t here you, the amount he’s had tonight,” Bert said, appearing on the unit.

“I guessed,” I muttered, lifting his arm slightly and letting it thud straight to the floor.

“Yeah, so are you going to leave?” He asked me.

“Yeah, with Gee,” I said firmly, getting my cell out.

“He can stay here you know,” Bert said, hopping off and going to Gerard protectively.

“True, but the band need him back, he’ll be useless tomorrow if he sleeps on the floor.”
Bert glared at me but just then Mikey picked up.

“Frank, why are you calling me, I’m like ten meters away.”

“Gerard’s passed out on the floor in the Used tour bus, can you guys come over and help me move him back.”

“He’s such an idiot! We’ll be right over.” He hung up and I sat down beside Gerard.

“Mikey and Ray and Bob are on their way, together we’ll get him back into his bunk.” I said to Bert. He wasn’t happy.

“He’s my boyfriend, he can stay here you know.”

“What on the floor?”

“No, in my bunk.” My stomach tied itself in knots. I didn’t want to hear that, and I think my pain showed on my face.

“Nice to know,” I tried to sound confident, but I know I sounded agonised and well, jealous.

“Friendly warning Frank, stay away from Gerard, he’s mine okay?”

“I don’t like Gerard like that, what are you on about.”

“Oh come on Frank, I KNOW you like him, I see the same look in your eyes that are in mine. You can’t take him, and if you try… Things won’t end well for you.” I swallowed.

“Right.” I said, trying to sound like I didn’t care. I did care though, I cared a lot.