Take This To Heart

The party never truly started till I walked in. Even if this party was starting at six in the morning, all thanks to Flyzik.

My car rolled up to the empty parking lot and I got out, still trying to wake myself the fuck up, and got my suitcase before looking at the black tour bus with a bunch of boys surrounding it. But not just any boys, my boys.

“Hey, do any of you guys wanna grow a pair and help me with my bags?” I called over, causing all their heads to turn.

“Jules!”

I laughed as Evan immediately ran over, followed by Jeff and Danny. Jeff picked me up into a hug and spun me around while Evan grabbed my bags.

“We missed you, Jules.” Danny opened my trunk and took out another smaller bag.

“I think I missed you guys a hell of a lot more,” I shook my head, “life is a lot more boring without my boys.”

“Touring isn’t as fun without you either,” Evan added as we walked over to the larger group, “Things don’t get done as quickly, I swear.”

I couldn’t brush the smile off my face as we approached the rest of the guys, all of them smiling back at me. I hadn’t realized how much I had missed them until now. They had slowly become like brothers to me, and college was a whole lot tougher without them.

I felt a hard arm wrap around my shoulders and I smirked. “Hey there Zackary.”

“Hello Juliet,” He laughed as another arm wrapped around me.

“How’s it hangin’, my lady?” I smirked over at the voice, pecking his cheek and laughing as I shook my head.

“Miss me at the merch booth?”

Vinny rolled eyes and laughed. “You are the tip hustler.”

“It’s the truth.”

We both laughed as I hugged Grieco and Ian, my head turning around and trying to find other familiar faces, one in particular that I missed.

“Where’s the rest of the guys?” I asked.

Zack checked his watch and looked back at me. “On the bus. We were waiting for you, sleepyhead.” He ruffled my hair and I shook him off.

Slowly, all the guys got on the bus with me in the lead. I had missed this atmosphere as well; living in a small space with so many guys and little sleep. But this had slowly become home to me and being back felt like a long breath of fresh air. I walked up the steps of the bus, anxiously waiting to see a certain face.

As I rounded the corner, I smiled at the figure laying on the couch, looking at his phone.

“Get off your phone and hug me asshole.” I laughed as his eyes met mine and he smiled.

“Fields, when the fuck did you get here?”

I shook my head as he got up. “Missed you too, Alex.”

Alex laughed and hugged me, lifting me off the floor of the bus as I wrapped my arms around his neck. I had missed Alex a hell of a lot. He was my best friend, and had been for as long as I could remember. We had been through a lot, and he probably knew more about me than my fucking mother.

“Shut up, you know I missed you.”

I rolled my eyes and laughed. “Were you a wreck without me dear?”

“Peachy, actually.” Alex let out a laugh as I hit his arm.

“You’re still a dick.” I laughed.

I sat down on the couch of the bus as the rest of the guys piled in. Flyzik was sitting at the booth of the bus with a laptop on the table, looking at it intently while he checked his phone. Evan wheeled my bags in and set them on my bed before sitting down next to me and smiling.

‘Is Eva coming Mr. Kirken?” I asked.

Evan blushed and he looked away. “She’ll be at the show tonight and a few more.”

“Good, I could use a lady friend every once and a while.”

“I thought I was your lady friend.” A voice from the other side of the room said. I looked up at the source and smiled as I hugged yet another large frame.

“You’ll always be my lady friend, Rian.” I laughed. “And Cass too, of course.”

It was Rian’s turn to blush at the sound of his new girlfriend’s name. Although I was upset him and Kara weren’t together anymore, I still liked Cassadee and I wanted them to be happy together. He seemed happy, at least.

Everyone seemed to be here. All except one person. I put my dark brown hair behind my ear and looked around one more time, but I still didn’t see that one face that I wanted to see. Slowly I looked up at Flyzik who was already looking back at me.

I mouthed the name to him, earning me an eye roll as he pointed me towards the bunk area. Quickly I nodded and got up, walking down the narrow hallway of the bus and past the curtain.

And it didn’t take long for me to see him, sleeping in his bunk with his iPod in. I laughed and kneeled down, plucking one of his headphones out of his ears.

“What’s up, Barakat?” I said softly as his eyes flew open.

I laughed as he smiled back at me and spoke in his groggy morning voice. “Jules, you woke me up.”

“Suck my dick, I’ve been gone for months.” I laughed as he smiled and shook his head.

Jack laughed and rubbed his eyes. “I missed you, I’m just fucking sleepy.”

“Me too, Flyzik is killing me with this early bus call shit.” I laughed.

“Wanna nap with me?” He asked, peering up at me with his big brown eyes. I missed those. It always felt like they were sinking into me, like they were burning into my skin with every look. I loved the way Jack looked at me.

I laughed and nodded. “Scoot over.”

Slowly I crawled into his bunk, lying next to him and placing one of his headphones in my ears. I felt his arm wrap around me slightly, and I immediately moved over, curling into his chest like I always did.

I loved this moment. But at the same time, I hated it.

Because we always were like this. Cuddling, listening to music, his hand touching mine. We couldn’t stay away from each other. This was always how things ended up, and as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t stop it.

So I just let myself fall asleep in his arms, thinking about how things used to be and the uncertainty of where the fuck they were going.

But in the end, I knew. Jack and I’s relationship had been stuck in this awkward, chemistry filled tank that yielded us “just friends” for years.

We were never going to get out or move anywhere, as much as I hated to admit it.

***

“Maybe we should just play naked.”

“Maybe you should learn how to play instruments before you get fancy with it.”

“Maybe you should suck my dick.” Jack smirked.

“Maybe,” I let out a laugh, “If you can find it on your hairy ass.”

Alex put his arm around me and laughed as Jack blushed, sticking his tongue out at me as he strummed his guitar nervously before the show.

“I’m thinking yes on that naked idea though.” Alex nodded.

I shook my head. “I’ve seen enough of all your junk.”

“Then maybe just you should.” Zack giggled as I flicked him off.

I shrugged, letting Alex’s arm leave my shoulders. “Play your cards right Merrick.”

Zack laughed with me and I noticed a short glance from Jack over to us. But the roaring crowd outside as the lights dimmed made it hard to focus on anything. The boys were all getting ready to go off stage and I was moving to my position with Flyzik to help out how ever I could. This was the best part of touring with them besides the after party.

I felt another arm get wrapped around me shoulder and I turned to see a short, beautiful girl with blonde hair and dimples. A smile spread across my face and I embraced her in a tight hug.

“Eva!” I exclaimed, “When did you get here lovely?”

Eva smiled her bright smile and shrugged. “I’ve been hanging with Evan for a while out at his booth. I missed you!”

Evan and Eva had the cutest relationship. They were both kind of innocent and young, like they weren’t grown up yet they were mature. It’s like they were crafted for each other.

“I missed you too beautiful. You look hot, by the way.” I said truthfully.

Evan rolled her eyes. “You look gorge, my friend.”

We reached the back of the stage just as the boys were running on the stage. Flyzik turned to me with a focused look on his face.

“Jules, Vinny needs another box of the red bracelets. We have some on the bus, can you grab them? Please?”

I nodded. “Gotcha Flyzik.”

Grabbing Eva’s arm, we walked back out the doors of the venue towards the parking lot. The buses were all lined up in the back, All Time Low’s facing the busy street. I hated that I was missing their set, but I had seen it a million times before.

“How’s tour so far?” Eva asked me as we got onto the bus.

“Eh,” I said quietly, “same old, same old.”

“How’s it with Jack?”

It fucking sucked how everyone knew about our little thing back in high school. Everyone told me the chemistry was still there, even though I didn’t need the reminder.

I let out a short laugh. “It’s fine, I guess. Same old, same old.”

“Did you hear about what happened? About that girl in Vegas?”

My eyes shot up and I shook my head sharply. Eva blinked, like she was thinking about something and she took a step back, sitting down on the couch.

“Oh, never mind it’s just some stupid thing. You probably heard.”

I nodded and bit my lip. “Probably.”

I moved to the back of the bus as Eva continued talking, mostly about school and Evan. I found the box in the back room and moved back through the line of bunks, noticing the glint of Jack’s phone as I passed his.

I couldn’t help myself. Biting my lip, I set the box down and crouched in, peaking over at the lit up screen.

My heart stopped for a moment at the message.

”I miss you baby. Call me?”

The top of the screen read “Annie” and my heart thudded. But I was probably getting ahead of myself. This was probably some dumb skank he hooked up with once or twice. Nothing serious. He probably would roll his eyes at this message.

I shook my head and cringed at my next move.

I moved my finger to the tiny trash can in the corner of the screen and deleted the message. Once click was all it took, and boom, it was gone. All gone. But it was for better.

He wouldn’t want to read that, most likely. Stupid bitches that wanted him just because he was in a band.

They didn’t know him like I did. No one ever would.

It was that knowledge alone that comforted me. It was also that knowledge that left me afraid to move on and risk a change.