Fälschung Liebe?

Casey’s P.o.V::.

I didn’t know what to choose. I felt like I was about to make the most important decision of my life!

I want to be with Bill, I really, really want to, but it feels like I’d be betraying Peter’s love.
I may have to explain this a bit more. Peter and I dated a few years ago for 3 years, we were high school sweethearts and he proposed after our 2nd year together. I was to marry him in the upcoming fall of that year, but there was a terrible accident.

Peter was involved in a 10 car pileup and was in a coma for 3 months. I lucky got out with only a concussion and some slight internal damage. He was recovering fine, he even woke up, but there were problems with his spine and neck and he told the doctors’ he’d rather die than stay on life support the rest of his life. He wrote me a note and asked the doctors to put him to sleep and have me unplug it. I consented and read the note before I could end the love of my life’s life.

~

‘To my forever,

I know this is going to be so hard for you, but please know I have many good intentions for doing this. I’ve talked with the doctors, if I don’t stay on this life support, I am to die within minutes. This is no life for me or for you. I don’t have to burden you with such a terrible thing, you deserve better than that, my love, you really do.

Casey, you mean more to me than anything else in this world, that’s why it’s so hard to make you do this, but I trust you the most, I trust you with my life, and I know you’ll do what you think is best.

I love you so much, and it’s so hard to watch you stay at the hospital, worrying about me rather than living your life to the fullest, and taking care of your mother’s restaurant. You have a life to get back to Casey, don’t let it slip by.

I would be selfish and say only love me forever, but that’s not what I want, I want you to be happy. That’s what love is to us right? Happiness in the other’s eye. Move on, I’m not saying tomorrow, but someday, find someone who truly loves you, and don’t let his dumb ass drive during a thunderstorm. Haha.

I love you, and I’ll never stop loving you. I know you love me too, we may have bickered at points and had some downs, but we had something so special, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Nothing at all.

Please look forward, my love, look forward and smile and enjoy life. Mine has come to an end, don’t let yours slip by. Be prudent, and take little risks.

We’ll meet again someday and we’ll catch up, but by then I’ll hope that you’ve found someone who loves you just as much as I do and you’ve moved on. It’s hard to say that, but you need to move on for me, please do that? That’s my wish.

Take care of yourself and love yourself for me, please. You are a strong, special woman and I will always love you Casey, till the end of time.

I know I didn’t get the chance to marry you like I wanted to, but keep the engagement ring and hold it when you’re lonely and need some guidance, hang on to it, it may help you one day.

I’ll end this letter with this.

SMILE DAMN IT! Wipe your tears and smile for me? Thank you very much dear, I love you and I always will.

Goodbye<3

Your Always-

-Peter’

~

After I read the note, I cried for the longest time, the doctors told me I had to pull the plug soon or else his sleeping pill would wear-off.

I pulled the plug and ended his life, I still feel guilty sometimes, but then I just remember it was his wish, it wasn’t a life for him.

So you understand why it feels like betrayal now? I know I’m supposed to move on and smile, but I just find it scary, I don’t want to fall in love and have my heart ripped out.

I’m scared of love, but it happens so suddenly, so strangely, so real.

“What’s your answer Casey?” Bill asked quietly. He rubbed my arm and waited for my response.

I felt tears burn my eyes and I frowned.

“I can’t Bill, it still hurts, it feels wrong. I love Peter.” I sobbed. “God, I loved him so much.” I broke down. I hid my face in my hands and cried.

“Oh Casey.” Bill frowned and pulled me into a hug and rubbed my back.

“I can’t Bill, we can fake it, but I can’t do it for real. I’m so sorry.” I cried into his chest. I clung to him like my life depended on it. I heard a disappointed sigh and I felt him shake his head.

“I understand Casey, I’m sorry I made you cry.” He kissed my head and rocked us back and forth a bit.

When I calmed down, I pulled away and wiped my face.

“Sorry.” I laughed a bit. I sniffled and looked at him.

“It’s fine, can you explain what happened with Peter though, I was always fuzzy on that subject.” Bill asked carefully, he didn’t want me to cry again, but I was probably going to.

“He was involved in a car accident and was crippled to the point of being bed ridden for his life. He said it was no life for him so he asked the doctors if I could pull his life support plug and they said it was fine.” I explained shortly.

“I know that must have been so hard.” Bill frowned. “I had no idea.”

“He was supposed to be my husband, and that’s why it’s so hard. We were supposed to be together forever, but forever came and went. So I’m scared of love, it feels wrong. Feels too real.” I mumbled, I was shaking at this point, I was upset to the point of shaking! I’m such a freaking pussy sometimes.

“Is that why you were so okay with fake lovers? Because it wasn’t real?” Bill asked me, he seemed really hurt by my words, but I really didn’t mean for him to be.

“Yes and no, I knew you were my best friend, but now it’s just,” I shook my head and tried to calm down, but my body was still shaking. “Now I’m getting feelings for you and I feel like I’m betraying Peter and all this other shit.” I sniffled a bit and took a deep breath.

“You need a hot bath and a cup of hot chocolate.” Bill got up from the couch and gave me his hand. I took it and he pulled me into a hug.

“I’m sorry this is so much to bear, but if it’s any consolation, I have feelings for you as well.” Bill said softly, rubbing my back, I froze. He pulled away and smiled.

“I’ll make you some hot chocolate, go hop in the bath and I’ll be there in a minute.” Bill turned into the kitchen and acted as though nothing had happened.

“What the fuck?” I asked myself quietly, and seriously,

What. The. Fuck.