Hear You Me

Joel sighed as the sunlight burned his tired eyes through the window. It was time to get up and face another day. Another day that would be spent waiting for darkness once again.

Joel didn’t sleep at night. He hadn’t had a full night’s sleep since Holland’s funeral. He’d sleep for a few hours here and there but nothing substantial. He still lived for the night anyway though. At night it was easier to pretend that she was still here, she was still with him. The truth always came with the morning light though.

People told him it would slowly get easier but he thought they were lying. It had already been over a month and he felt as if life without her was becoming harder, not easier. Without her he was a mess. Why shouldn’t he be though? Joel and Holland had dated since eighth grade and he had stood by her side when the world came crashing down around them. Now Holland was gone and Joel was left to clean up the mess. Joel didn’t want to clean up the mess though. He’d rather wallow in his sorrow.

Today was his birthday, his first birthday without her. He planned on spending it by sitting and just eating and drinking all day long. He didn’t want to see anybody else, and he especially didn’t feel like celebrating.

Joel looked in his fridge and saw that it was empty. That wasn’t surprising because he couldn’t remember the last time he had gone to the store. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had stepped foot in civilization. Joel couldn’t ignore his empty stomach any longer though. Plus he was out of beer and he desperately needed some alcohol.

He stepped outside but immediately stopped in his tracks. There, propped up by his door, was a letter addressed to him. He bent down and picked up the letter with shaking hands. He wondered how the letter got on his doorstep and if it was some sort of sick joke but it couldn’t have been. Joel would have recognized Holland’s delicate, cursive-style handwriting anywhere.
The curiosity was too much for Joel to handle so he decided to postpone his trip to the store and walked back inside as he opened the letter.

Joel Baby!

Happy birthday, love. 22, huh? I wish I could be there with you to celebrate. Sometimes God has other plans though and we have to accept that. I would tell you to not lose faith but I know there’s no need. You’ve always been such a good Christian and so strong in your faith. I was sometimes jealous of that. I mean my parents are missionaries and yet I always felt as if you were a much better person than me.

“I don’t know why you always say that. You were such an amazing person, inside and out.” Joel muttered to himself.

I know right now you’re probably thinking about how I’m such an amazing person, inside and out, but believe me Joel, you’re ten times better than I could ever hope to be. I know that I don’t have to tell you to not lose faith but I’m guessing that I need to tell you to live your life. Joel, you didn’t die when I did. I know your heart is breaking and you’re probably struggling without me around, but please start living again. God has given you such a wonderful talent. I love your voice. You know that though. Joel, go out and live your dream. Not just your dream, but Alex’s, Sean’s, and Ryan’s dream too. I’m figuring that you may need a little help with living your life again so I’ll help. You’ll receive more letters like this one from me. Each one will have something that I want you to do. I’m making a sort-of bucket list for you to do. Please do this for me, especially since I didn’t get to finish mine.

“Way to be morbid.”

Yeah, ok, that was a tad morbid. Sorry. Anyway do the challenges in these letters. They’ll help you start living again and help you with my passing. Also, don’t try and figure out how the letters are being delivered to you. You’ll find out when the time is right. It’s a bit like ‘P.S. I Love You’ isn’t it? I know you don’t really like that movie. That’s just because it’s the only movie that made you cry. You cried like a baby during it! Okay, okay I’m done teasing you. The point of this was to tell you that you’ll be receiving letters much like the one you’re currently reading. All of the letters will have challenges and I want you to follow what I say in the letters. Hopefully, these letters will help you move on and start living again.

So for your first task… go talk to Delilah. I bet you forgot about her birthday. It’s one week earlier than yours, remember?

Joel felt awful. He couldn’t believe he had forgotten one of his best friend’s birthdays.

Yep, you forgot it. Way to be a jerk, Joel. Ok, I’m just kidding because I know you’re probably hurting. She’s hurting too, though. I realize you lost your first love but she lost her best friend. We’ve been inseparable since we were three. She’s a strong person, even if she doesn’t realize it, so she’ll eventually be fine. She will need some help though and I think the two of you can really help each other. The two of you are best friends. Don’t let that friendship die just because I did. Go talk to her and take her out for our birthday tradition. You owe her. Happy birthday once again. Until the next letter.

All my love,
Holland

The tears poured down Joel’s face. Nothing was how it was supposed to be. He should be out celebrating his birthday with his girlfriend and best friend. Instead, his girlfriend was dead and he hadn’t talked to his best friend since the funeral. Delilah probably hated him. He should have been there for her. They were both going through the loss of Holland but Joel had decided to be selfish and bear his grief alone. He knew he had to begin fixing the mess his life had become, not just for himself, but for Holland and Delilah also.