Hear You Me

Delilah,

Hello dear. So how are things going? Hopefully you’re still going to the support group and talking about your feelings. I always found it funny that you hate talking about your feelings yet you want to be a therapist. You won’t talk about your feelings yet you make other people talk about theirs. I guess that’s the way to do it, haha. I’m just kidding Lila. You’re going to be a wonderful therapist.

Now on to what I want you to do… go learn how to salsa dance. I always wanted to learn how to salsa but never got the chance so you can do it for me. You’ll need a partner so take Joel with you. This will also give you the chance to talk about some stuff with Joel. I’m sure there are some things you want to get off your chest and I’ll bet he has some things he wants to talk about also. So, go to learn how to salsa with Joel and talk about your feelings or whatever. You know, have a real kumbaya moment.

All my love,
Holland

Delilah rolled her eyes and chuckled as she read her best friend’s letter. Holland always said Delilah had trouble with her own feelings but had no trouble helping others with theirs, and she was right. Holland knew Delilah better than anyone else but that’s what happens when people are best friends for so many years.

Delilah wasn’t really looking forward to learning how to salsa dance with Joel because she was awful at dancing and she knew he’d make her open up and talk about her feelings, but she knew it had to be done. Plus she had to give him his Christmas present and she figured now was as good a time as any.

Delilah made the short drive over to Joel’s apartment and knocked on his door. As soon as he opened the door his eyes immediately shot to the present in her hands.

“Is that my Christmas present?” Joel asked with excitement.

Delilah rolled her eyes, “Yeah, it is. You’re as bad as a little kid.”

“I love presents and I’ve been waiting on yours forever. It’s late.”

“Joel, it’s not that late. It’s only two days after Christmas. Sorry that I was spending Christmas with my family and didn’t get your present to you on Christmas day.”

“We saw each other at Christmas Eve service. You could have given it to me then.”

“No. It’s a Christmas present, not a Christmas Eve present. I won’t give it to you at all if you don’t stop complaining,” Delilah warned.

Joel stuck his tongue out at her but stopped complaining.

“So I’m kind of hungry. How about I fix us some pancakes and we can open our presents while we eat?” Joel suggested.

“Yes! You make the best pancakes.”

Joel laughed as he made his way into the kitchen with Delilah following him.

“So how did everything go at Hunter’s the other day?” Joel asked.

“Fine,” Delilah shrugged as she helped Joel stir the pancakes. “He’s just a little frustrated with his mom and dad because he feels as if they’re avoiding Holland’s death by throwing themselves into their work. All he wants is for them to pay attention and see he’s hurting too.”

“He’s not back on drugs, is he? I know last time he was on drugs was mainly because he felt as if his parents didn’t care about him.”

“No, he not back on drugs. He just needs someone to be there for him and comfort him.”

“So did you comfort him?” Joel asked with a smirk as he wiggled his eyebrows.

Delilah rolled her eyes. “I didn’t comfort him like that, Joel.”

“Hey, Hunter’s an attractive guy and I know how you used to be madly in love with him.”

“I wasn’t madly in love with him. I just had a small crush,” Delilah blushed.

“Whatever you say, Lila.”

After the conversation about Hunter, Joel and Delilah talked about random things while he finished the pancakes. Both thought about how this situation felt just like old times, the only thing missing was Holland.

The pair sat down at the table once the pancakes were finished and Joel quickly grabbed his present.

“Is it time to open the present now?” Joel begged.

“Yes, please do. You’re annoying me with your constant begging.”

Joel smiled as he began tearing off the wrapping paper. His eyes widened in surprise as soon as he saw the present.

“How did you find signed copies of all four Third Eye Blind CDs?” Joel exclaimed.

“Do you like them?”

“Like them? I love them! Lila, you know Third Eye Blind is one of my favorite bands. These are awesome.” Joel leaned across the table to give Delilah a hug. “Open your present now! It’s not as awesome as the one you got me but I think you’ll still like it.”

Delilah opened it and saw an anchor necklace resting in the box. She picked it up and looked at it with a smile on her face.

“I love it but why an anchor?” Delilah questioned.

“Because you’ve always been the anchor, Delilah. You were the anchor in yours, mine, and Holland’s friendship and now you’re the anchor that’s holding me down after Holl’s death. I couldn’t do any of this without you so I thought an anchor was fitting.”

Delilah got up from her seat and wrapper her arms around Joel. “Thank you, it means a lot.”

“No problem,” Joel smiled. “So why else did you come over here? Besides to give me my present and some free pancakes, I mean.

Delilah laughed. “Well I got a letter from Holland this morning and she wants us to learn how to salsa dance. I looked online and there’s a lesson at the Phoenix Rec Center in an hour.”

“No. I’m terrible at dancing.”

“Me too but we have to do this for Holland. It was one of the items on her bucket list that she never got to complete.”

Joel sat there for a few seconds as he thought before sighing, “Fine. Let’s go learn how to dance.”

The pair got up from the table and cleaned up the kitchen before heading towards Delilah’s car. They reached the rec center about ten minutes later and walked up to the front desk to sign up for the salsa lessons. Once they paid the walked into the room where the other couples were warming up and immediately felt intimidated.

“These people look really good,” Joel whispered to Delilah.

“I guess we’ll just do the best that we can,” Delilah replied.

The instructor came in and the lesson soon began. Joel and Delilah were terrible but had fun laughing at how bad they were.

“Ow! That’s the fifth time you’ve stepped on my toes,” Delilah laughed.

“I’m sorry. I did warn you though that I was bad,” Joel said.

“Ok, everyone,” the instructor clapped to get everyone’s attention. “We’re going to take a short water break.”

“Thank goodness,” Joel sighed in relief as he made his way towards the water fountain.

Delilah chuckled as she watched Joel hobble over to get water.

“Are you guys taking dance lessons for your wedding?”

Delilah looked up to see a middle-aged woman talking to her. “No, we’re not getting married. Actually we’re not even together…we’re just friends. We just decided to take the lessons for fun.”

“Oh, sorry for my mistake. You two just have such great chemistry though I assumed you were together,” the lady said. “He does like you though. I can tell by the way he looks at you.”

Delilah shook her head. “We’re just really good friends.”

“They always say the best relationships come from friendships. My husband and I were friends for many years before we got together,” the lady smiled before walking off.

Delilah was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t hear Joel walk up beside her and she jumped slightly when he started to talk. “What was that lady talking to you about?”

“Oh, nothing…just how bad you are at dancing.” Delilah said and then burst out laughing as soon as she saw the look on Joel’s face. “I’m just kidding, J.”

“You’re not nice,” Joel pouted.

“Aww, poor Joel. I’m sorry,” Delilah said as she hugged him.

The pair made it through the rest of the dance lesson with minimal injuries to Delilah’s foot. As soon as the lesson was over they decided to go grab some ice cream to celebrate the fact that they survived.

“I’m glad that’s over. That was evil of Holland to make us go to those dance lessons. She knows I’m terrible at dancing,” Joel grumbled as they sat down to eat their ice cream.

“But aren’t you proud of what you accomplished?” Delilah teased.

“No, I’m embarrassed. So how’s school?” Joel asked, changing the subject.

“Fine…I mean school’s school.”

“No, I meant are you okay with having to transfer to ASU? I know Stanford was always your dream.”

Delilah paused as she carefully thought over the next words she wanted to say. “Sometimes I resent Holland. I know that’s awful to resent your best friend who died of cancer but sometimes I just can’t help it. I always did what Holland said; I was at her mercy. That’s just how our friendship worked and I didn’t mind but I finally get the chance to be on my own, to be at Stanford, and I have to give it up after two years. I know Holland would have understood if I said I didn’t want to transfer and wanted to stay at Stanford but I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t be 11 hours away while my best friend was dying. I wanted to be by her side. I still just get these feelings of resentment though. Wow, you probably think I’m an awful person,” Delilah said as she gave a shaky breath. She was glad she finally got that off her chest but she was worried for Joel’s reaction.

“Lila, I don’t think you’re awful. Your feelings are perfectly normal. Like you said, you finally got to do what you wanted and then you had to change it. The fact that you changed your plans for Holland though shows what a great person you are. Not many people would have done that,” Joel reassured her as he wrapped his arms around her.

Delilah leaned into Joel. “Thanks for saying those things. They mean a lot to me. So, enough about me…Holland said you had something you needed to talk to be about?”

Joel stiffened at Delilah’s question but knew he needed to come clean with the truth. “Yeah…ummm…when Holland died we weren’t together. Actually we broke up about a week before she was diagnosed.”