Polaroid Cancer

“Oli, I really missed you,” Casey says, bending down to kiss me on the lips. I’m so shocked that she’s there, I don’t even respond. She seems unperturbed by this and rests her hand on my cheek, “you’re losing so much weight, again. You’re already so thin; why do you keep doing this to yourself?”

I sit up and place my hand on her thigh, “m’so sorry, Casey. I love yeh an’ I missed yeh, too. M’such a fucking idiot an’ I don’t know why yeh even bother with me. I shouldn’t ‘ave left like I did. I should ‘ave listened to yeh, to yeh’re side of the story.

She doesn’t say anything else, but simply gives me a heart-broken, tiny smile and begins to dissipate into the light surrounding us.

“No… no. NO!”

“Oli!”

I twist awake, sweat is rolling down my face, and bare chest, in thin rivulets. Breathing heavily, I say, “Where is she?”

“Who?” Vivienne asks, staring stupidly.

“Casey. She was just ‘ere!”

“No, she wasn’t… yeh were dreamin’, yeh dolt.”

I nibble at my bottom lip, brows furrowed in aggravation and quickly clamber out of bed, “Where is it?”

“What?” Vivienne’s voice is filled with contempt.

“The cocaine!”

She doesn’t say a single word as she disappears in a different room and comes back with a small bag.

“‘Ere.”

“Thank yeh,” I mutter as I gently grab the bag and toss a bunch of beer and wine bottles on the floor from an end-table. Rummaging around in my dresser drawer, I pull out a large, hypodermic needle and turn back to the little table to set it down. Treading my way into the kitchen, the sound of gushing water swells my ears as I fill up a glass cup.

Returning back to the bedroom, I pour about a palm-size amount of cocaine into the cup and stir it with my finger. Vivienne is watching nearby, high-interest peeking on her face, as she inches closer behind me. She makes a noise under her breath, hoping I won’t leave her out of this delectable moment. Grabbing the needle, I suck up a small portion of the fluid, flick it a couple times to let up any bubbles and squirt the air out. Vivienne is holding out a tourniquet she’d made from an old item of clothing, and hands it to me. I tie it in the proper place on my arm, my tongue sticking out a little as I do so. Noticing me struggle, Vivienne steps in to help and tie the knot; she moves back with a wide smile, excited for her turn.

Finding a nice looking vein, the needle pushes only for a split second before breaking the skin and I begin to inject.

Swelling.

My hands feel like they’re swelling and I can’t help but laugh at how silly it seems. There are swirling colors and lights rushing around me, Vivienne’s hazed face flashes before my eyes, there’s a loud crash and suddenly my gaze is level with the floor. Again, I start laughing and trying to pull myself up on the bed, but with failed results.

Vivienne is clinging onto me, and I see the needle I had used, dangling limply from her arm. I push her off with a sense of loathing toward her for gripping me; I’m still giggling but there’s a cruel sneer on my face as I peer down at her pathetic form. She’s whimpering, and huddled in a tight fetal position, scrabbling at the needle to pull it out. Blood starts trickling down her arm, side and hand as she tugs harder and harder until it comes out with a faint ‘pop’. Vivienne tosses the needle across the floor and it skitters until it thumps against the base of the wall. More blood is leaking from the hole in her arm and she’s struggling to cover up the wound.

I climb to my feet and stumble out into the hallway, stepping over Vivienne’s writhing body as she pitifully reaches out to me. She’s whimpering even more and louder than before. My own arm is bleeding, too, but I hardly notice as I stagger into the bathroom and fall into the bathtub. Fingers wet with blood, they slip the first time I reach for the nozzle, until finally I get a firm hold and a gush of cold water soaks me. Eventually, the water warms up, and I feel myself slipping, sinking, under its liquid heat and flooding all of my senses. Choking them.

“Oliver! What th’ fuck are yeh doin’?!”

Tom?