Polaroid Cancer

My lungs burn as I break into another coughing spasm, chest tight and hurting. Tom is holding me upright in the bathtub and trying to wrap a towel around my wounded arm. I smile at him, after another hacking-cough, and kiss him on the cheek, “I missed yeh, bro.”

His face softens, “I missed yeh, too.”

“I was takin’ a bath,” I laugh as Tom swings my right arm around his shoulders. Somehow he’s managed to tie the towel around my left arm; though it doesn’t look like it’s doing much, because crimson is seeping through.

“Normally, when people take a bath, they don’ try t’drown themselves.”

“Oh… I didn’t fink I was.”

Tom snorts and lifts me to my feet.

Somehow I’ve made it to the couch, laying flat on my back, staring up at my little brother. I’m hoping that my face is showing the adoration I feel toward him. He’s always been such a wonderful brother to me; sometimes I wished I showed, and told him, more often how awesome he is. I reach out my hand and poke him on the knee, “Yeh’re a knob’ead.”

He shakes his head and gives me a slight smile, “I’m gonna clean up yeh wound an’ then take care of tha’ girl in yeh bedroom, ‘ight?”

I nod and feel myself beginning to doze off.

“Stay awake, okay?” There’s tugging on my arm and every time I feel myself on the edge of sleep, I’m quickly jerked awake. Anger toward Tom is beginning to surface, clawing its way to the front of my mind, “yeh all finished. Remember, stay awake. Stay awake for Casey. She really misses yeh an’ wants t’see yeh.”

Soft, cheery clouds creep into my thoughts as I think of her. All I want is for Casey to wrap her arms around me and smother me in kisses, like she used to when she would wake up before me. I lean over the side of the couch and wretch up clear fluids all over the wood floor; my hand presses into the sticky fluid as I try to push myself back up. Eyes bleary with tears, I absent-mindedly wipe my palm and fingers on my shirt.

“Okay, tha’ girl… she’s stayin’ pretty steady. Oli, do yeh know somewhere that we can bring ‘er?”

I look up at him under half-closed lids.

“Oli, listen t’me, where can I take tha’ girl?”

“M’Iphone…” I say murkily, my breathing shallow, “get it.”

He disappears for a little bit and comes back with phone in hand. Grabbing it, I slide through my contacts and manage to find Vivienne’s sister’s cellphone number, that she had placed in there, in case of emergency. The phone rang one and half times, “‘ey, it’s Oli Sykes, can yeh come an’ get yeh sister? Okay… see yeh soon.”

“When is she getting ‘ere?” Tom asks immediately after I hang up.

“About twenty-minutes…” I sigh, drowsiness is sweeping over me and it’s becoming harder to fight back.

“Oli! Stay awake!” Tom shakes me roughly and flare of rage shoots through my brain like a pistol going off.

With all the strength I can muster, I push Tom away, “Fuck off, mate!”

“I jus’ don’t want yeh to fall asleep an’ not wake back up!” Tom yells, tears building up in his eyes, “yeh stupid fucking asshole! Yeh always did this when we were younger! Runnin’ back t’the goddamn drugs when something shook yeh too hard! Fuck yeh, Oli! It’s no’ fair yeh get t’have this escape while everyone else ‘as t’suffer!”

My brain is sweltering with fury, but I have no retort to fire back with. I just want to be with Casey. Rubbing my eyes, I force myself into a sitting position and strain my eyes to look into Tom’s own glittering, ice-blue orbs. “I want t’see, Casey. I want t’get married to ‘er, now.”

“Yeh can’t! Yeh ‘ave t’go back to rehab, yeh dumbass…” Tom mutters, combing his fingers through his thick, chocolate-brown hair, “what th’fuck are yeh doin’?”

“M’going t’Casey. She needs me.”

“No, she doesn’t, Oli. She wants yeh t’get better.”

“What t’fuck would yeh know on what she does an’ does not want?” I growl, tottering on my feet while trying to make myself taller.

“I know pretty damn well, since yeh’ve been gone for over a month!”

This punctured my heart beyond recognition and abruptly my chest tightens up, making it hard for me to breathe. I’ve managed my way to the other side of the couch by now and I lean my hand on the backrest, to allow me to recuperate.

“O-Oli!”

Before I realize it, I’m flat on my back. The cold wood floor seeping into my skin, and taking over the heat that had once filled my body.

Everything is bleak and empty.

Blank.