She Doesn't Believe In Love

There was a pounding on my door. Jack is with some one night stand. I sleepily got out of bed and opened the door. I rubbed my eyes and saw Zack.

“Zack?” I asked. He nodded and I pulled him in.
“I missed you.” I said hugging him.

“I missed you more baby.” He said hugging back. I locked the door from the inside and kissed Zack.

“Come home with me.” He said.

“To pack?” I asked. He nodded.

“Yeah. Did you drive?” I asked.

“Yeah.” He said laughing, “I was in Orlando to see my parents on vacation.” I don’t even wanna know why he drove from Philly to Orlando. I kissed him again and started packing my stuff.

“What do I tell Jack?” I asked. My parents didn’t make me go with. Jack wanted me to, and then Danny. I just needed to get away, but Zack.

“That you needed to go back to work.” Zack said helping me pack, and distracting me. Damn his hotness. So, I work for a tattoo shop as a secretary and an apprentice… kinda. I work with band too, I’m one of the mangers. Zack went to the closet and started taking my dresses out for me.

He looked at my black lacey-ish one for awhile.

“When?” He asked laughing.

“Oh, um…long story short. I was drunk and yeah. I wore it with you once.” I said nervously. It’s true, it’s just..the dress is really…awkward to explain.

“I remember now.” He said smiling, “That night was really fun.” I walked over to him and took the dresses. I winked and put the dresses in my suitcase.

There was a knock on the door and I panicked. Zack ran over to me and whispered in my ear, “I’ll just I came down to pick you up to go back. Innocent.” I nodded and kept packing as Zack opened the door. I peeked and it was Matt. Aw, fuck me.

“Is Ivy here?” Fuck! Jack, I’m gonna slap him. I ran over to Zack.

“Yeah, hey Matt.” I said. Zack chuckled, I hope he isn’t jealous.

“I just wanted to let you know that my sister was with your brother last night and she hasn’t gotten back.” He shook his head and chuckled, “When they get back, can you tell her to go to the ball room? She’ll know what you mean.”

I nodded, “Of course, if not, I’ll write a note.”

“Thanks.” I nodded. Matt was about to walk away, “Wait, Matt. Um…if you see Jack can you tell him something?” Matt nodded.

“I love him and I’ll see him when he gets back.”

“Yeah. You don’t have to tell me, but where are you going?” Matt asked.

“Home, I have to go back to work earlier then I thought.” I said smiling. He nodded.

“Bye.” He said. I shut the door and, once again, locked it. Zack stood there and stared at something. The vulnerable side of me, began to come out.

“He’s just this guy that has the room next to us.” I said feeling the need to defend myself, “His sister is Jack’s one night stand. And Matt and I hung out last night at the beach party.” Zack looked a little relieved and hurt.

“Nothing happened babe. I was just keeping up my image in front of Jack.” Zack nodded and kissed me.

“I believe you.” He said holding me against him. Minutes passed………..

“I wanna go already.”

“Finish packing.” Zack said letting go of me. I nodded and walked over to my side table. I grabbed my notebooks out of it and my pens.

“Still writing in that journal?” Zack asked taking them out of my hands and into the suitcase. I nodded.

“I read a entry from like…a year ago and damn, have my feelings changed about everything.” I said. I grabbed jean shorts and a tank top. I changed quickly and grabbed my flipflops.

“I’m pretty sure I’m ready.” I said happily. I never really un pack my suitcases. I ran into the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I threw my hair up into a pony tail and grabbed all of my bathroom shit into my little bathroom shit bag. I put it into my suitcase and zipped my two bags up.

I put my room key that was in my bag on the counter above the mini fridge. Zack took one bag and I rolled the other out the door. I grabbed my phone.

To: Jack

Hey your with your ons or whatever the hell izzy is to you. Matt needs her at the ballroom, js. Oh btw, I have to go back to work so zack came to pick me up. Love u bro.(:

I put my phone in my bag.

“So, when are you buying the house?” I asked when we got to the elevator.

“When we get there.” He said and took my hand.

“Someone might see us.” I said quietly.

“Do you care?”

“Not really.” I said smiling. The elevator opened and Jack stood there. AH! I grabbed my hand away from Zack’s.

“Your hands are soft.” I said laughing. Jack and Izzy walked past us. Apparently, he didn’t read the text yet. I quickly got in the elevator and Zack laughed. He pressed the lobby button.

******

I turned on a different song on the iPod and looked at Zack. He was biting his lip as “You Left Me” by The Maine played loudly. He turned if down a little.
“I love you.” He said. It was noon and the part of the highway was almost desolate.

“What?” I asked, surprised.

“I fucking love you.” He said, “ I know it wasn’t supposed to happen, but it did. I love you. Ivy, fucking god. Your gorgeous and just…I’m sorry.” Tears formed in my eyes. This wasn’t supposed to happen.

I don’t believe in love. I looked out the window as the tears made their travels. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Remembering Sunday came on and I closed my eyes. I would say, let me get out of the car, but I have no idea where to go. I chocked on my tears when Alex sang the next verse. Zack hummed it quietly.

“Forgive me, I’m trying to find. My calling, I’m calling at night. I don’t mean to be a bother, but have you seen this girl? She’s been running through my dreams. And it’s driving me crazy it seems. I’m gonna ask her to marry me.” I sobbed at the end. The song didn’t pause. It just kept going, torturing me.

“The neighbor said, she moved away. Funny how it rained all day. I didn’t think much of it then, but it’s starting to all make sense. Oh, I can see now. That all of these clouds are following me in my desperate endeavor. To find my whoever, wherever she may be.” I swallowed. It’s my turn to end the torture.

“I’m not coming back. I’ve done something so terrible. I’m terrified to speak but you’d expect that from me. I’m mixed up, I’ll be blunt. Now the rain is just washing you out of my hair. And out of my mind, keeping an eye on the world. So many thousands of feet off the ground. I’ve over you now, I’m at home in the clouds. Towering over your head.” I sang. I meant some of it. Could I love Zack? I chocked on my tears again as the song ended. Zack’s humming to Alex’s singing was killing me. Zack looked over at me.

“I’m sorry.” I said, “I’m fucking sorry.” I wiped the tears from my eyes. I rolled down the window and took my hair out of my pony tail. The wind was making my hair crazy, and I loved it.

I need time to think.

“How far away are we from home?” I asked, a few stray tears still visible.

“Half hour, maybe a little more.” He said.

“Can we stop at McDonalds?” I asked. He nodded.

******

The realtor’s thing was a few blocks away from my current apartment with Lyndsi. I walked to the kitchen and grabbed a pen an paper. I sat at the island and began writing.

Zack,

I’m sorry. I don’t believe in love, but I guess I love you too. I really don’t know. You know I’m not good with these kinds of things. If you still wanna live with me, I’m at the apartment with Lyndsi.

Love,
Ivy.

I folded up the letter and wrote Zack on the front of it. I grabbed my phone, twenty bucks and my keys. I started walking out the door. I hope he still wants to live with me. I shut the door and walked out. I started walking down the street. I saw his car. I swear, it’s the only Jeep Wrangler that’s like the older ones in town. Zack called it our car. I opened the drivers side and set the note on the seat. I sighed and shut the door. I started walking back home. Please let him still wanna live with me.

As I got up to my block, my anxiety began to pick up. I walked up the steps to my apartment. I opened the door and walked to my room. I left the door open, a rarity and turned on my iPod on the iDock. Say So by My Favorite Highway came on. I sat on my bed and grabbed my notebook. I began writing the short story that I had started last night. It was based off of Zack and I. Ironic.

My mind started wandering off from the story, and started thinking about actually dating Zack. Would we get married? Ivy Madelyn Merrick. I like that. Ivy Madelyn Merrick. I /really/ like that. Ivy Madelyn Merrick. No, I love it.

Just then, the song switched and I saw a figure. I looked up and I saw Zack standing against my bedroom door. I got up and turned off my iPod and walked over to Zack.

“I got your letter..” He said. I nodded and I didn’t realize I was breathing heavy until he said, “Baby.. Calm down.” I laughed nervously.

“Live with me.” He said taking my hands.

“Yes.” I said. He smiled and leaned down to kiss me. I smiled back and kissed him.

“Start packing?” He asked. I nodded. I don’t need to pack /that/ much. I hadn’t unpacked from Clearwater yet.

Somebody once told me, music keeps the soul alive; but love, keeps the soul wanting more. Maybe, love does exist. Maybe I felt it all along, but I didn’t want the heartbreak. Maybe, I didn’t want to disappoint my family. I don’t know, but I know that love /is/ real.

I looked up at Zack, “Zack, I need to tell you something.” I said nervous but excited.

“What is it?” He asked with a smile on his face.

“I love you.” I said smiling.

“I love you too.” Zack said smiling.

Zack walked over to me and kissed me.

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow.” He said and kissed me again. I shook my head, “Stay longer.” I said pushing him down onto my bed and kissing him.

“Okay.” He said and kissed back. Tonight…would be a long, good night. Just then, my phone rang, and I giggled. I grabbed my phone and saw Jack’s name on it. I rolled my eyes and answered, “Hello?”

“Ivy!” Jack screamed.

“Ya?” I asked giggling as Zack took off his shirt.

“Goodnight.” I looked at the clock. It’s 6?

“I’m going on a date with Izzy so ya know.”

“Oh, ok. Night, I love you bro. I’m going to shower.” I said.

“Love you too sis.” He said and hung up. Zack looked at me weird.

“Shower? Together?” He asked winking, obviously getting an idea.
“Sure.” I said smiling. I love his ideas.