Walking at Night, Alone

The next morning I woke up to numerous missed calls and texts from a slew of my friends. I just stayed in bed hoping I could just stay in my room all day and sleep but that was ruined when my mom walked into my room to tell me one of my friends was at the door. I lugged myself out of my bed and half assdly fixed my hair and walked downstairs to see Kennedy. “I told you to forget about me and that includes friendship.” I said, this was already making me upset.

“No you can’t do this to me, I love you and I know you love me.” Kennedy pleaded.

“Except I don’t, I wish I could say that I did but I don’t want to lie. Maybe one day we can be friends again but not right now.”

“I knew this would happen you fell for John, everyone saw this coming.” He shifted his step I did hate seeing him upset.

“Why does everyone thing that? If anything you pushed me to him.” He had a curious face now.

“And how did I push you to him?”

“By being you. I didn’t even think about John as more than a friend until you scared me about a relationship and today you only made it worse.”

“Well then, are you and John together now?” he paused “You sure move on fast.” He tried to make me feel bad.

“I’m not ‘with’ him and if I didn’t move on so fast I would have never been with you in the first place.” I refreshed his memory of how we got together.

“Well right now I wish that you had never been with me I wouldn’t have to be upset. Oh and count John out of the band.”

I had to find a reason for him to keep John in the band, he was the only reason the band was good. “Why? You can’t blame him, if anything just don’t talk to me. You NEED him in the band.”

“I know we do but I don’t want to not talk to you. We were best friends before we were together and no matter what happens I don’t want our friendship to end.”

“Well you kind of slimmed your chances down on that when you punched John. I just hate violence. Keep John in the band and I’ll think about it.” Blackmail should work just fine.

“I just don’t want him to be there because it will remind me that he’s with you.” I rolled my eyes irritated as heck, most girls don’t have to deal with their ex’s why couldn’t I be one of those, oh because I chose an emotional man.

“We aren’t together so calm your tits.” I was getting sick of restating the same thing over and over.

“I heard about the kiss in the parking lot Ashton. And holding hands? You and I never held hands, you like him more than you ever liked me.” He was desperate and upset I understood this but it was getting ridiculous.

“Kennedy stop that’s a fuck shit lie. I loved you but things changed. I don’t know what I like anymore, can you leave now? I feel like I’ve talked to you enough.”

“I guess, I have band practice anyways.” He turned to walk away but I stopped him.

“I’ll go with you to make sure you don’t do anything stupid.” I said about the John situation then went to get dressed quickly.

Once we finally got to Kennedy’s house we walked in to the garage already opened with most of the band inside. “So we decided not to fire John from the band because sadly we need his voice.” Kennedy said walking in.

“And why were we going to fire John?” Pat asked

“Because he took my girl and made a fool of me.”

“Oh so for selfish reasons? I see.” Garrett butted in.

“Well there was no reason in the first place, he didn’t make a fool of you, you punched him in the face.” I was defensive.

“Just shut up, he’s still in the band.” He acted like he was god and could just fire anybody with just his own approval.

“Glad to hear is.” John said walking in. “Oh by the way thanks for leaving me in choir yesterday Ashton.” He said completely sarcastic seeming upset, and I would be too if it happened to me. I sat down to watch them rehearse they were really good not completely what I liked but it worked for them.

“Hey I started writing a song can we try putting some music to it?” John asked the boys and everyone got excited. John began to sing “She’s fresh to death she’ll be the death of you she’s fresh, she’s fresh but not so clean.” As everyone sat around thinking of how they were going to do the song.

I smiled so happy that I came; everyone seemed to be getting along just fine. I went into the house and got them drinks when I got back into the garage John was gone. “Where’s John?” I asked setting the water on the table.

“He left, someone called him, and he said he needed to go somewhere.” Pat muttered from the corner of the room.

“Did he say who called?” I hated asking so many questions

“No just that he needed to meet someone at starbucks.” I thanked him and asked for his keys once they were given to me I began walking to his car, I wanted to see John. I think I was more curious as to what made him leave or maybe I was getting too close to him.

“Don’t do it!” Kennedy said and I turned to look at him to hear his reasoning. “You’re going to go there and what if he’s with another girl I know you’d be hurt and I don’t want you to get hurt cause I still care about you even if you don’t care about me."

“Kennedy you don’t have to worry about me I’m just checking on him.” I got in his car and drove to the nearest starbucks and saw John sitting with a very gorgeous brunette, she dressed, smiled, and looked modelesque I’ll admit I was jealous but thought nothing of the fact that she was with John, but when I looked at John he seemed really happy. Maybe John had a girlfriend and was just playing me.

I finally got some guts and decided to go into starbucks; I walked straight up to the counter and ordered a drink. While I waited for it to be done I went up to John’s table “Oh hey John funny seeing you here” I used the fakest voice I had.

“Hi Ashton what are you doing here?” he seemed upset as his eyes widened when he saw me.

“I’m getting a drink; do you want me to leave?” I grinned a bit.

“Don’t leave I’d love to meet lil Johnny’s new friends.” The girl said, she made me want to barf.

“Oh yes, his friend.” I over annunciated friend “I’m Ashton, and you are?” I was curious now.

“Myriah” she held a hand out I think my face told how upset I was, how lovely was it that I was meeting his ex? After yesterday I thought he, I don’t know liked me

“Nice to meet you.” I took her hand trying not to let her get to me. “I would stay and talk but my drink is ready and the band is making progress with John’s song.”

“You’re in a band John?!” she asked much too excitedly.

“Yeah except he almost got kicked out today, I saved him though but I’m sure ditching practice to be with a girl isn’t going to help you out much.” I thought it was kind of funny.

“Why did he almost get kicked out?” she was much to curious and I was so ready to let her know I think it would be a kick.

“Well it’s a long story basically he-“ John covered my mouth and whispered ‘don’t say it’ into my ear “Well I should be going see you guys later.” I did what I wanted, I made him mad and hopefully made stupid Myriah question him. I had never done anything like this before and I wasn’t even sure if I liked him, but I sure did get jealous.

I drove back to Kennedy’s house “Did you find John?” Kennedy asked not really caring as I showed up.

“Yeah,” I said annoyed “Myriah seemed really interested in him being in a band so they’ll probably be back soon.” I rolled my eyes I was frustrated.

“Kennedy came towards me “Ashton, you don’t deserve this.” He quietly said hugging me.

“I know I definitely fell for the wrong guy.” I half smiled as I heard John’s car pull up.

“Kennedy I think I figured out who I want.” I paused, it was John but I wouldn’t get him. “Do you want to get back together Kenny?” I guess I was using him but I did love him at one time I’m sure I could again.

“Of course I want to get back with you, I will always love you.” I smiled and leaned toward him and when our lips pressed together it didn’t feel right, but I had to make it feel right. I wanted John to know that I wasn’t affected by him since he obviously didn’t need me.

“Uh whoa, when did this happen?” I heard John question through Kennedy and my awkward make out session. I could hear slight anger in his voice so I deepened the kiss pushing him onto the couch, as I straddled his hips I heard someone cough trying to get our attention.

“Maybe you two should stop!” John yelled.

“Y-yeah I mean this is still band practice and we don’t need the distraction of you two sexing it up in here. Even if we’re happy that you two are happy now.” Pat added in, like that would happen.

I got off of Kennedy’s lap and looked at John who looked pissed squeezing Myriah’s hand way to tight. “So who’s your friend John?” Garrett asked pulling John’s glare off of me.

“This is Myriah,” he said as he let go of her hand and motioned her to go sit on the couch and then practice started again as if nothing just happened which made me feel completely awkward.

“Hello Myriah, how are you?” I asked sitting down next to her.

“I’m fine, actually really good it seems like John has really changed as a person I’m glad he’s not whoring up the town.”

“How do you know he’s not?” I asked I guess it was jealousy, I couldn’t figure it out. “Hey do you and your boyfriend want to go out with John and I tonight?” I really don’t want to go alone.” She smiled at me I guess I shouldn’t hate her I should stick to disliking John.

“Well I don’t really know you, but if John’s okay with it them I’m cool.” I smirked, I had a feeling that this would make John feel awkward and I had no problem with that. After practice Myriah went to John to ask him what he thought of her idea.

“I don’t know Riah, don’t you think it will be awkward if other people are there? But whatever you want is fine with me.” He smiled at her; you could tell he really liked her. It made me jealous cause I did fall for John as much as I try to deny it.

“All right so we’re going to do the double date if it’s okay with you.” I nodded with an evil smirk as we got into separate cars and drove to McDonalds, not exactly what I’d call a date but it was a Friday night and everything else would be busy. We ordered our food and sat down at a booth. John and Myriah on one side Kennedy and I on the other.

“So why’d you come to town today Myriah?” I asked you could hear the jealousy in my voice.

“Well my friend who lives down here said that everyone was all over John and that he was starting to get close to some girl and well, I got jealous.” She laughed as she hugged John. I felt myself about to gag at her.

“Aw well isn’t that cute, you were jealous of someone getting with your ex. So did you come back to get with him because you knew you could?”

“Well it’s not that I ‘knew I could’ I just hoped I came before the girl got him.” Wow I was really wasn’t enjoying this girl but I was more upset with John then her.

“You were right on time the girl got over him.” I said with a forced smile. John looked upset but he couldn’t be he has Myriah now. Why’d I ever think he was a good guy?

After dinner we all drove back to Kennedy’s “so hey my mom’s not home we can go watch a movie or something.” Kennedy suggested to me.

“We should watch a movie that would be so great.” Myriah excitedly stated as John’s eyes widened. I could tell he dreaded the night.

“It wasn’t really offered to you and John. Just Kenny and I. Our movie nights end kind of uh…” John’s face looked disgusted as he yelled to stop me from talking. I was just telling the truth and we hadn’t had a movie night since I got home from California since we weren’t together until now. Even though I didn’t have the same feelings for him I missed the things I did with him but obviously it won’t be the same as it used to be, John had to come and change all that. I never usually fell for guys this easily, what was wrong with me?

We finally made our way into his house and we started the movie Mean Girls. A movie we’d seen a million times. We started the movie sitting next to each other with his hand on my knee. It felt awkward sitting there pretending I had the same feelings for him that I used to. His hand moved up my thigh as he kissed my neck, I liked the feeling it gave me I just didn’t want it to be him. It wasn’t that I wanted it to be John, just not Kennedy.

“Uh… could I just… how about we just watch the movie, and we can take It slow. We can’t just start our relationship where we left off.” I used any excuse I could think of.

“We’ve seen this movie at least 100 times it doesn’t interest me anymore.” He said as he leaned over and kissed me, I pushed him off me slightly as I stood up.

“Well I’ll just leave, I’m not feeling too good anyways.” I said getting walking towards his front door.

“I took you here, do you need a ride home?” he asked sincere

“No it’s fine I’ll just call Roxy.” I said walking back towards him and gave him a hug and a sympathetic smile before I walked out of his house. I tried calling Roxy’s phone about 20 times before I decided to sit down in the middle of Kennedy’s front lawn and attempted to call again as I heard the neighbors door open. I heard John say his goodbyes as I watched Myriah walk away from him. I was hoping he wouldn’t notice me as I continued sitting there but then I heard footsteps in the grass, I didn’t look I didn’t have to.

“What do you want John?” I said not even looking at him.

“I want to know why you’re out here and not in Kenny’s house.” John said

“Because I was going to leave but Roxy won’t pick up her phone.” I said typing in her number again before John talked

“Why doesn’t Kennedy take you?” he spoke as the phone continued to ring until I got her voicemail again.

“Why do you have to ask so many god damned questions? I just don’t want Kennedy to take me, no reason!”

“Well do you want me to take you home?” John offered as he sat down on the grass next to me.

“No why would I want to you to take me home?” I didn’t even want to see him why would I want to be in a car with him.

“Well you don’t want Kennedy to take you home and Roxy is busy with Garrett, having fun so I doubt she’ll come down. What other choice do you have?”

“Ew, how the hell do you know what my friend is doing? Never mind, I don’t want to know. If you can, will you please take me home?” I felt like an idiot saying yes and then no to him.

“Of course miss lady” he said as he helped me off the ground and walked me to his car where he opened the door for me. I mumbled a quick thank you before sitting myself down in his car. Once he got himself in the car he just looked at me. The look was begging for an answer so I waited for the question.

“What happened this weekend? I mean we started out with a kiss, I got punched in the face, you left me hanging in choir, my ex came to town, Kennedy and you got back together, our awkward as hell double date and now this." Now that it was said out loud I realized how ridiculous this weekend had become and it wasn’t even over yet.

“Do you really want to know what happened today?” He nodded “I kissed you, I didn’t know what to say to you in choir and I left, then your ex came and I realized I like…” I needed to say his name but I couldn’t the feelings couldn’t be the same now that Myriah’s back in the picture. “I-I like Kennedy.” I was lying but I couldn’t tell him the truth I was so scared of that rejection.

“Are you serious?” he asked with no emotion I couldn’t read him as I muttered a terribly unbelievable yes while lightly shaking my head no. A sure sign of lying, obviously John didn’t know that. He looked away and we didn’t talk for the rest of the drive. It was wrong of me to lie to him but I didn’t want to mess up anything between him and Myriah.

We got to my house and as I tried to get out of the car he grabbed my arm pulling me back in “I know you don’t like me but just know I did really like you and know that I still do. Myriah may be in my life and Kennedy in yours but maybe we can become great friends because of it.” It absolutely crushed me.

“Sounds good John,” I said giving him a kiss on the cheek and got out of the car. By the time I got to my room my face was covered in tears. I hated the thought of crying about a guy but it was more of the stress of this weekend that made everything worse.