Happiness For A Pessimist

John held my hand tightly as we walked down the streets, I glanced up to him and smiled softly. "John." I whispered.

"Hm?" he hummed.

"I'm sorry for everything." I told him. "For everything that happened these last few days."

"It's fine, we're fine." he whispered pulling me closer to him.

"B-but it's my fault y-you hurt yourself." I whispered quietly.

"No that was my fault. Besides it's over now. I'll never do it again." John swore.

I looked up to John and smiled softly before taking his hand and dragging him into the empty park. I ran to the swings releasing John's hand and getting onto one of the empty swing. "Push me John." I said wrapping my hands tightly on metal chains.

John smiled and walked over to me before placing his hands on the small of my back and pushing me forward. I smiled and felt myself go higher into the air, I stared up at the sky and pretended as if I was flying. The breeze blew into my face blowing my hair all over the place.

I couldn't stop from smiling, just being here with John made me happy. Slowly I came to a stop and my feet contrasted with the ground. John walked over to me and pulled me to my feet before pulling me into his arms. "Did you have fun?" he asked.

"Yeah. Thanks." I whispered looking up to him and reaching up to peck his lips.

"So want to get some food?" he asked looking down at me.

I bit my lip feeling slightly nervous now. He wants me to eat, something that's grown so foreign to me. He doesn't even know about the eating disorder, that's something I've managed to keep hidden. "C-can we visit Miles? I miss him." I asked completely ignoring his comment.

"I guess so." he said his voice carrying slight confusion.

We walked silently to Noel's apartment where I'm sure Miles is at. John held on tightly to my hand as if I'd run away from him. Slip out of his grasp like water. We finally arrived to Noel's apartment and I untangled my hand from John running forward to knock on Noel's front door.

Seconds later Miles was face to face with me. He smiled at the sight of my throwing his arms around me and bringing me into a back crushing hug, "Missed you cuz." he said dragging me into the apartment.

I could smell Noel's delicious quesadilla's cooking and filling the room. I could hear my stomach grumbled at the smell, it's like Noel know I'm hungry. "Haven you're here and just in time I made your favorite, quesadilla with cheese, tomatoes and avocado." he cheered bringing out a tray of food.

"Awesome I was already hungry." John said passing by me and grabbing a quesadilla. He hummed as he chewed on it, "So good." he continued to hum.

"Want one?" Noel asked shoving the plate toward me. "I have some Coke in the fridge to." he suggested. "I'll get some ice and limon like you like it." he added.

I bit my lip glancing over to Miles, but he seemed uninteresting in the conversation. "And I just made some flan too." Oh god he wants me to get fat. Otherwise he wouldn't of made all this good food.

He must of planned this with John. It's not everyday Noel makes his famous flan for me, and John knew I would make up any excuse not to eat. Everyone was staring at me and I could feel myself grow nervous under their gaze. "I-I n-need t-t-to go." I stuttered hurrying out the apartment.

I will not eat. I've worked to hard to hard for everything, I won't lose it by gaining weight. I won't.